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Usually, I wake up with a strong heartbeat n started to question, “should I go to school tdy”. Sometimes, I can get on the class on time, but sometimes I try to do everything to be late. In class, I can concentrate sometimes, but sometimes not. Usually thoughts keep running on my head and I feel weird abt myself. What’s worse, I have once vomited before the lecture, left during the lecture n skipped the classes. I felt so tired all the time. Whenever I back home, I tend to lie down on my bed. Even I slept a lot, I still felt not energetic to do everything. I started to skip deadlines n probably did receive a lot of hate from grpmates. But, I couldn’t explain to them what’s happening.
Even someone reaches their hands to me, I just want to be in this condition. Not feeling low, but losing the emotion. Only 3 days, I got my feelings of being so low and so happy.
The worst suitation is that everything becomes so irritating to me. Like when I tried to listen the music, I shut it down. When I saw a classmate, all I need is just saying a ‘hi’, but I tried to walk away to other route to avoid it. I don’t want to talk to anyone, even my family members.
With everything overwhelming me, like I can’t handle anymore, sucidal thoughts pops up. When u see a car, u want to be hit. When u saw a prank video, people’s reaction of someone lost his head, I want to be the one.
Counsellor, social workers and teachers asked me to visit the psychiatrist. Yet, I’m not sure. I feel like it’s only my fault, my personality, my thoughts. N, it will get better soon. Like every student, they did need to go though the same things.
1 like, 1 reply
sam18386 jaslee
Posted
Hi jaslee, i don't know which country you live in or whether you're in England but i think you need better support. Have you stopped to think it could be the course you're doing that could be setting you off, it could be something in your past or now, but before you get too bad i'd ask for medication. I had to last week because persistent ill health is really dragging me down. My stupid doctor just offered me antidepressants not oh we can help you with your physical health. I have agreed to take something herbal, spoken to my chemist and she has put me on a natural probiotic which is meant to make your stomach strong so let's see. I wish you luck, you shouldn't really have persistent suicidal thoughts though, that's not great. Take things step by step you need to. Good luck to you.