Anxiety driven by not knowing?

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hello,

So I know I am probably not the only one to feel this but really need some advice.

I am 26 year old male, I have a loving wife, renting our own place, we have kept a cat alive, we are doing okay finance wise albeit we don't treat ourselves often but we are getting by. I should be happy with what I have and I truly am.

A few months ago, I had a breakdown in work. Full on panic attack. I have worked my job for 8 years now. Long grueling days in the office, all the overtime possible to help out. I am not work shy, I am just lately so underwhelmed with work. It's become deadend following a few moves.

I use to love my job but now nothing challenges my mind at all, half the time there isn't enough work for us all and I have to find something just to keep busy. Certain people would love this, but with high anxiety my mind runs marathons and I dread the silence. It's exhausting surviving hour to hour. Especially on 12 hour days.

I have lately found myself getting upset because I am physically forcing myself to go into work, I vomit every morning, crying in the carpark before going in. I am a mess. IBS always flares with the worry. The panic attacks quickly started, shakes, dizzy spells not eating. its really effecting my home life as I lay awake worrying about surviving the next day. We hardly laugh anymore or talk because I have been a bit negative, but I am just shattered.

My wife doesn't see how bad I have become about going into work (kept a front).

The thing is I am not depressed, I have a good routine going with the gym (major win for social anxiety for me), seeing a nutritionist now and off all AD medication. I am getting the odd panic attack but CBT has calmed me. Health wise I am getting better.

The problem is I am lost. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of getting back onto track and reduce this stress. I need to get out of this rut and I think that is driving my anxiety to the limit..

I am trying my hardest not to walk and let the anxiety win as I fear being unemployed will bring a whole new world of problems including depression, especially with no structure and having nothing to do, but I am so stressed at the moment and getting upset job hunting as I simply don't know what I want / could do.

I am depressed in work and worried that by leaving I will be worse off as I can't stand being alone with my racing thoughts (wife works full time to).

I am worried at this rate I am doing a lot of damage to my health, this can't be healthy for any age.

Where do you start getting back onto track?

Should I just go for anything just to get out work?

1 like, 18 replies

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18 Replies

  • Posted

    I am one of those people who needs to be challenged. I quit many a job over the years because I knew it so well, I had nowhere else to go in that job.

    I suggest you start putting out resumes. Just that focus will help. To me, there is no greater awful feeling that stuck in a job that offers me nothing but money. Think about it. Talk to your wife about it. You have nothing to lose doing this. You can even go on interviews...and say no if the offer isn't right for you. You need a right now goal....this could be it, Thomas.

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    • Posted

      Hello, Thank you very much for your advice and sorry for the late reply. I have sat  down with my wife and talked everything over and have agreed we both have bits to work on. We have planned what it is bothering me about work and you're right, it is that it offers me nothing but money. I am starting to plan now what I could do smile

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  • Posted

    Learn how to keep busy at work. I read computer manuals, rearranged files. Its better to make up your own work then someone make it up for you
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  • Posted

    Also you may want to consider taking up a course at night to further your education and help challenge by our mind.

    You'll be alright just don't let it overwhelm you.

    Maybe you should talk more about it with your wife maybe drop the front and get her thought and ideas in it.

    You must value her opinion as well as your own you're in this together.

    But I do think I would be totally honest with her about how bad feels remember she can't help you fix it if she doesn't know it broke. Drop the front and embrace the honesty in your marriage she'll respect you more for it!! Good luck my friend God bless and keep us updated please. Sue. =)

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    • Posted

      Hello Sukey,

      Thank you for your advice, we have talked it through and it has helped a lot. It's been an emotional day!

      Going back into education is something I have wanted to do for awhile. I have a degree which isn;t used at the moment and would love to further it. I do think the focus would help a lot.

      Thanks again for the advice, it's appriciated.

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  • Posted

    Cant you find something else that challenges you? Hobby? Maybe going back to school for something more complex? Just a thought. What is it that you love to do? What would make you happy?  Maybe figuring out what you love to do, what you feel is challenging would help guide you to something in that area. And if you dont feel educated enough to aspire to do what you love theres pleanty of colleges around to pursue that goal.i say this because i didnt exactly know all this when i was young ended up getting a few degress but none in what really interested me. I didnt know at the time. So i pursue what interests me anyway, but not in a job realm but in a learning And maybe one day  doing somehow. Im older, not going to reinvent myself in the career mode but you are young and maybe thats your answer. You job is your job and your life is your life. You can combine them of course but you can find stuff outside the realm of your job to pursue as well. Unless you chose to return to college and reinvent yourself. Did that make sense?
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    • Posted

      Hello Lisa,

      Thank you for your kind advice, and sorry for the late reply. We sat down and talked it other, I think we both agreed that for the last year or so, work has been our only focus and we haven't enjoyed our time off together. We are going to start to look for ways to rekindle that young feeling!. Hoping it helps a lot.

      The college idea is definitely a good one, it's just always been wrong timing, however the thing with anxiety is that you always put things off. Just need to bite the bullet and start I think! smile

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  • Posted

    You sound like me. I had a good life too. That doesn't matter,and has nothing to do with it. You have over worked yourself. It's hard to keep up the pace. I know you don't think you are worrying, but in the back of your mind,you want to take care of your family. The full on panic attack will drop you to your knee's. And than it's down hill from there. I know it suks. I had been out on the river all day, Hot, but cold water. I was in a tube floating. Not a big deal. By the time I got home, I  didn't feel good, and was exhausted. All of a sudden I had a bad panic attack,so terrible. I couldn't come out of it. I walked around dizzy, ringing in my ears,couldn't eat,sleep,focus,or leave the house, and was crying a lot,shaking, scared, on,and on. This went on for a year. Crazy.  I was 22 then,now I'm 57. I have been on meds for years. Through the years,we need a tweak,or a med change for one reason or another,and that's normal. I have been doing great for yrs,thank god for these amazing meds.I don't know what would happen to me if I wasn't on them. Something happens in our brain,that causes this. There doesn't need to be a reason. We can have the best life,it's a chemical imbalance. Please don't put up with this anxiety, and panic,it will make you nuts. Call your family doc, and they will put you on a antidepressant,and you will feel better. If you still have anxiety, they will up the dose,or change it till your feeling better. You have to take the first step. Millions of people are it the same boat. Suffer no more.

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    • Posted

      Kimberly, could you tell me what meds you take? I'm 48 and seem to be going through what you went through at 22. I'm on 100mg Sertraline but after 12 weeks I think I'm losing my mind and not agreeing with me. I get that awful ringing in the ears too. Thanks

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    • Posted

      If you are on a med and not feeling right,then tell your doc,and they will change it. I am on 60 mgCymbalta,and 20 mg amitriptyline. There are a whole bunch of meds out there. Don't settle for anything less than feeling good. The amitriptyline was to help get rid of a tension headache that I had for years,and I also suffer from migraines. Both of these have done their job. I have not had  anxiety or a panic attack for 9 yrs. I can't ask for more than that. That darn ringing is anxiety, and is so annoying.I had a whole bunch of symptoms. To many to count,and it was  a very dark time for me. I am 57 now,and will always be on meds. I am fine with that,because I never want to go back there. Stay on top of your meds,till all is well.

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  • Posted

    Hi Thomas. You are trying to plow through a rough patch alone. But you are in a near-bewildered state right now and your attempts to put up a front are likely doing more harm to your relationship than your actual situation likely will. You say you are not depressed, but clinically, you are. You have covered the questionnaire almost fully in your post smile You are tense and no amount of overcompensation of any kind is about to change that. I would suggest talking to your partner first. Sooner or later in marriage we all have to surrender and show our weaknesses. This serves to move up to a new level in your relationship, one with better understanding of the other and also a chance for true partnership in surmounting whatever obstacles. Then you need to find a way to stop this mad race in your head. You are unhappy at work and this is surmountable in thousands of ways, with some great suggestions already posted in response to your post by some wonderful people. All of us here have been where you are in some shape or form. My take on this is that you are feeling somewhat insecure and perhaps also unaccomplished, perhaps fearing failure as well as feeling stuck. You are not helping yourself by allowing your mind to convince you that there is some immediate need for a decision and resolution. You need to slow down your mind, not try to keep up with it as it will drive you around in circles. I would consider consulting a psychiatrist, for assistance to stabilize until you feel in charge enough to make solid clear decisions. And then start building on top of that. A sound base. I know you said you are off all ADs now, but not sure what you were on, for how long and how properly you followed and terminated therapy and how long ago you terminated. It sounds like you did not see it through or your therapy was inadequate somehow. From where you stand now, in panic and despair, you are much less likely to make good choices about your future. And you are so young, you have plenty more time for trial and error. Give yourself a break. Rebuild it. But do it steadily and on your time not your brains overdrive. And look for something that excites you and makes more sense in the meantime. And this will happen. You will pull through.

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    • Posted

      Hello Purple,

      Thank you.

      I think you have hit the nail on the head. I have just become overwhelmed and can't see a way out. I am definitely feeling unaccomplished lately and I think after talking to my wife, we agree that it's time for a new challange. Going back into education is something I have always wanted to do, get my Masters finally.

      The thing about my job is that it isn't stressful, It's stressful to me because it's so underwhelmeing that the boredom gets to me. I am constantly physically and mentally exhausted because sitting 10 hours a day infront of a PC isn't great. Why I have stayed?, I guess I am only 26 and after 8 years in the job, it's all I have every known. I am a bit scared of change as I have found out with a recent house move haha.

      I was on Fluxotine for 1 month, and switched to sertraline for 2 months, but to me the side effects were worse than the initial problem. I have decided to tamper off them and have been off them for 1 month now altogether. I seem to be doing better knowing my problems day by day are "just anxiety" oppose to tablet induced.

      As for therapy, I didn't think it very effective, although my therapist wasn't brilliant (Private work supplied ) I have signed myself up for NHS one and starting a well being course soon which I think will help.

      I think I am trying to do too much at once and not givig myself time to take each day as it comes and build up slowly.

      Thank you for your kind advice, it's given me a lot of think about and discuss with my wife smile

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  • Posted

    Most EVERYONE WITH PANIC ATTACKS have low vitamin D levels for optimal health it should be between 80 to 100...and that needs to be addressed with your doctor older doctors will say that 20 to 30 is normal which it isnt...in 2009 they made the level requirements higher...have that checked ASAP....And as far as your irritable bowl syndrome making u vomit your definitely low in potassium...which is dangerous get your doctor to give u potassium pills and get a blood test done for levels of vitamin d....in the mean time drink pedialyte to help replenish yourself from vomiting and it has alot of potassium in it...bananas have some but almond butter with toast among other foods have higher content...hope u feel better and i hope this helps
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    • Posted

      Hello Sammie,

      Thank you for your reply. It defintely makes sense. I have just been to buy some multivits and banana's. I can't get a doctors appoitment till next week but will definitely ask for this to be checked.

      Thanks a lot smile

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  • Posted

    Did anyine notice Thomas never came back to this discussion?
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    • Posted

      Yes...I kept checking back as well. Hoping he just didn't like our suggestions and decided to not bother with us. Because in such cases your mind always goes to the worst doesn't it....another perk of being an anxious type...

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    • Posted

      Hello,

      Sorry was a bit overwhelmed at the responses, I was a bit of a mess yesterday trying to make sense of every!

      I have wrote down the key points from everyones suggestion and talked over a lot of them with my wife, it's helped a lot smile

      Thank you all smile

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    • Posted

      One thing less for the rest of us to stress over LOL thanks for getting back. You certainly 'sound' better. I think you are up for challenging but exciting changes - and yes...one step at a time. Let us know how it all goes! All the best!

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