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So I know I am probably not the only one to feel this but really need some advice.
I am 26 year old male, I have a loving wife, renting our own place, we have kept a cat alive, we are doing okay finance wise albeit we don't treat ourselves often but we are getting by. I should be happy with what I have and I truly am.
A few months ago, I had a breakdown in work. Full on panic attack. I have worked my job for 8 years now. Long grueling days in the office, all the overtime possible to help out. I am not work shy, I am just lately so underwhelmed with work. It's become deadend following a few moves.
I use to love my job but now nothing challenges my mind at all, half the time there isn't enough work for us all and I have to find something just to keep busy. Certain people would love this, but with high anxiety my mind runs marathons and I dread the silence. It's exhausting surviving hour to hour. Especially on 12 hour days.
I have lately found myself getting upset because I am physically forcing myself to go into work, I vomit every morning, crying in the carpark before going in. I am a mess. IBS always flares with the worry. The panic attacks quickly started, shakes, dizzy spells not eating. its really effecting my home life as I lay awake worrying about surviving the next day. We hardly laugh anymore or talk because I have been a bit negative, but I am just shattered.
My wife doesn't see how bad I have become about going into work (kept a front).
The thing is I am not depressed, I have a good routine going with the gym (major win for social anxiety for me), seeing a nutritionist now and off all AD medication. I am getting the odd panic attack but CBT has calmed me. Health wise I am getting better.
The problem is I am lost. I can't see light at the end of the tunnel in terms of getting back onto track and reduce this stress. I need to get out of this rut and I think that is driving my anxiety to the limit..
I am trying my hardest not to walk and let the anxiety win as I fear being unemployed will bring a whole new world of problems including depression, especially with no structure and having nothing to do, but I am so stressed at the moment and getting upset job hunting as I simply don't know what I want / could do.
I am depressed in work and worried that by leaving I will be worse off as I can't stand being alone with my racing thoughts (wife works full time to).
I am worried at this rate I am doing a lot of damage to my health, this can't be healthy for any age.
Where do you start getting back onto track?
Should I just go for anything just to get out work?
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