ANXIETY IS DESTROYING ME

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Okay, Im new to all this, but hoping it will make me feel better. Id like to start by saying, all of this happened out of nowhere, i am 26, own my own business and have always been really happy and confident. Then it was almost like someone flicked a switch and literally stole my life from me. I suffer with sever anxitey, panic disorder and depersonalization disorder. Ive been struggling with this for about 3 years now, with constsant trips back and forth to my GP, where they originally thought i may have MS or temporal lobe epilepsy. Thankfully, my tests came back clear on those accounts. My GP then thought it may be severe anxiety etc (after 3 whole years of trying to find out) so she prescribed me some sertraline, and set me up with some councilling sessions. Firstly, the pills made me really sick, and made me feel like i was totally losing my mind, so i stopped taking them. She tried to put me on others, the same thing happend, so i then started to create a fear of taking medication in general in fear of them making me worse. The councilling sessions were horrendous, the woman made me feel like i was a total nutcase, and i felt like it was my last hope. I came out of the councilling session and burst into tears, i was at breaking point. 3 days later, i had a nervous breakdown. Couldnt leave the house, couldnt drive my car, couldnt do my job. 4 months later im still the same and contemplating suicide on a daily basis, not that i would, its just nice thinking about a release. i have no idea how the hell to beat this, nor do i feel ive got any fight left in me. Ive even paid for private therapy, but at £45 an hour, i cant afford to continue. I hate this, ive shut myself away from everyone, and feel like no one understands what im going through. I feel like all this isnt real and im in a dream, if only i was, it would be nice to wake up right now. Sorry for rabbling on, but it actually does feel abit better to have written how i feel. If anyone has any advice, it would be sincerly welcome. Thank you.

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  • Posted

    You are definiatly not alone. I have been suffering with severe anxiety for months now with no relief in sight. It has affected my sleep so morning anxiety is the worst and it last throughout the day. I make it to work and barely make it through the day. I also get really sick when trying different meds and have developed a phobia becuase of it. I have MS and when I have a flare up I go through intense anxiety that last months. Counseling helps but as you mentioned it is very expensive so I will not be able to continue that much longer. I hate feeling this way and miss my old self. I wish there was a way that I could help. Coming on here helps a little and having a good support system helps as well but every day is a battle.. Know that your not alone and there are many of us that deal with anxiety and fear as you do. I try to focus on the positive of the day even if it is just managing to survive. Please let me know how I can help. We will fight this battle together.
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  • Posted

    A couple of things might help you help yourself. Since meds are out here and you cant stand talk therapy i think might be good to try DBT or CBT, DBT is a take off of cbt but uses feelings more so then situation. Both available online  at your leisure in courses or obtaining a counsellor who is good at it.

    Read up. There is a ton of self help books and workbooks available..i cant list them we arent allowed.

    consider alternative doctor. Complimentary or holistic.not everyone lives and breathes wetern traditional medicine. Learn meditation. Not a cliche. At least learn yoga.

    no one really know why our systems do not reset but it seems theres issues with all that. It stinks.

    you are not alone! Believe me you are not close to being alone in all this. 25% of the entire world. The us and uk and canada lead  in  anxiety disorders. Probably because they recognize it and label it but it seems like a first world big problem.im sure it is everywhere and anywhere.

    others will answer as well. Good luck.

     

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  • Posted

    Hi Jen, like the other lovely ladies have said you are certainly not alone in this!  I mirror you and everything you are going through. I just want to feel like myself again and not have the impending doom hovering over me all of the time. I have lost my job becausee of the hightend anxiety. The last year has been a living hell for me.  I am paying to have therapy also.  Talking to other people who understand what you are going through helps to know that you are not going mad!  I am to sensitive to to the medication it just doesn't agree with me and made me feel so ill. I'm begining to think that the hightend anxiety could be down to me having an early menopause but whatever the reason it is a scary dibilitating illness.  Take care and I am happy to talk when and if you want to.  smile

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  • Posted

    Ok where do I start I have the same thing wanting it to stop nd wishing it was all a dream I don't feel suicidal you nut have anxiety and depression I'm on meds for myn and sometimes I feel like I can't get involved my activieties and I never used b able to go out but it has eased a bit but I wonder if this will be everlasting or will it ever stop and I also have shortness of breath with this be everlasting as it feels like it never goes away I'm so scared incase I die that's how it makes me feel

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  • Posted

    thank you for all your comments, it is reassuring that im not alone in this, as its difficult to talk about it with my friends and family as they dont understand. I am trying to look into having CBT therapy as this seems to be quite effective. Il keep you all updated, thanks again everyone.
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  • Posted

    I Jen don't give up, it will get better soon. I have had this problem since I was 5/6. I've learned to cope with it and I don't really take medication. But I know how bad it can get. I took klonopin once before and it sort of calmed me down. But nothing since. I doing good right now and if I'm ok, you will be fine too. We are both the same age. I think it's great you have your own business. I definitely agree that it can feel like your life is over. I have had a hard time pursuing my dreams because of this problem. I believe you can get pass this. Continue to take a break and breath. Put a warm towel on your head and lay down. Take medicine only if it helps. Don't waste your time or money on things that are not making it better. Talking to someone that you trust also helps. Sometimes we just need a hug.

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