Anxiety ran my life

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hey!!! so i've had anxiety disorder since i was in grade 5 to top it off and has been stronger since then. My family has it so i don't know if it's considered genetics or not but it's been driving me insane. first and formost i'm an early childhood educator which is pretty much a teacher but with more intellect on the childrens development. in my life i have been through a lot, i have HMG coA lyase defic. which is pretty much a condition in where i dont have an enzyme that controls fat and sugar so if i miss a meal or have more fat than doctors perscribe it can lead to coma or seizures which did happen when i was a child. 

My anxiety was told that it started from there, with a fear of dying and a feeling of being unwanted and since i'm not the smartest i was bullied in elementary school so i didnt have an awesome start to the world. I currently do finalized my life right now i finished college have my career and also have a fiance; and you would think i would be crazy happy about that but i'm not. 

My anxiety has me running away from everyone, i have 2 best friends taht i trust with my life and i tell them everything aswell as my parents, sibling and fiance so i do have friends and family that i trust so i did grow from my anxiety. Elementary school and high school i never trusted anyone and was that person that had pretty much no friends. But no matter how much i tell them i still get the anxiety either with talking to new people or trying to get the energy to be positive. i dont' currently take pills as it caused me to have gallstones and i had to remove is which is a nother issue to my anxiety (nausea). 

I dont know if anyone has this but most of my anxiety hits in the night, whatever my fear is for the day or month its constantly in my head before i sleep and since i had the gallbladder surgery every night my nausea is worse than ever (thanks anxiety for your help). Anyways, i'm getting sick and tired of the constant anxiety honestly i think my 2 best friends are sick of it, not only taht i go on and off of depression i know that sounds rediculous and i didnt believe it either cuase usually people with depression is mostly extensive and it doesnt happen once and a while. Sadly, tehre's times where i get scared to be happy over something because something always happens at the end and i hate being negative but that's what my anxiety puts me through. one of my best friends is so positive and optimistic and it's an awesome thing but sometimes her positivity and her just relax and dont think like that think positive mind just frustrates me.

Does anyone have any recommendations for me to calm down my anxiety? it would help a lot i'm a bookworm and a dancer so dancing and reading does help sometimes, although the surgery kept me out of dancing for a while and now the nausea in the night most likely due to anxiety, i always try to open up my book to get my mind off it but the nausea gets so strong sometimes that i cant even pick up teh book or move without feeling like i'm going to throw up right there right then. Now i know some people have the nausea for a few weeks and it's still so early to even tell if it's anxiety but personally i know it is cause in the mornings and afternoons i'm fine eating but once it hits evening and dinner time and even the night time OOOOO the nausea comes back booming, so i know for sure it's not the gallbladder and it's the fact my mind wont let me stop thinking of it.

Please help!!!!!


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