Anxiety & Relationships

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Hi. I've been dating this girl for a few weeks but have become a little obsessive, in such that I check my phone inscessantly, over-analyze her texts, worry about being too keen, boring, etc. Basically, she's an incredible girl, and I have this perennial fear that one day she'll text saying I'm lovely, but she's not feeling it. 

Because I have IBS, my anxiety can trigger my symptoms and traps me in a vicious cycle, thus making it more difficult for me to enjoy and be myself during dates. I have a problem with not knowing the future, and so am nervous before each date.

Does anyone have any advice on how to relax, stop over-thinking it all, etc, as I'd hate to mess it up because of my psyhocological condition? I don't take medication but I am undergoing cognitive therapy, and also try to exercise, meditate, and do weekly yoga.

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    First you need to think...how to fix your mind..do exercise  RUNNING ...!! Running make you perfect
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  • Posted

    Hi Waylon, My advice is nobody knows what the future will hold unless your a genie,and I don't know any of them,you just need to take each day as it comes,try and relax a bit,keep up your exercise and daily routine,try a bit of meditation and deep breathing that keeps me away from the meds to,but honestly mate this girl sounds nice but it's not the be all and end all so if it's meant to be "it's meant to be" and when your anxiety is at bay you'll feel more relaxed about all situations your in,and definitely done over think or anylyse things to much because you'll just do your head in.stay positive and upbeat mate,youll work it out 

    all the best J

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  • Posted

    Remember you don't want to start over and over again with a new relationship. Don't scare her away or your anxiety could be worse. Prepare for your dates early, watch a funny movie then calm down. I hope this helps.
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  • Posted

    Tell her about your IBS. If she's really into you, then she shouldn't care about it. My boyfriend has Aspergers and while it's difficult sometimes, I still love him. Also, stop focusing on the negatives of your dates and focus on the positives. Like how good the food is or how beautiful she looks. Don't get too obsessive and keep in mind that seperate interests are also as important as common interests. Trust me, forcing yourself into her interests won't solve anything. I nearly lost myself in my boyfriend's interests because of my anxiety of losing him. I almost snuffed myself out because I didn't actually give myself any space. Also, you need to accept that nothing is ever certain, especially relationships. If she's not happy with you, then you need to understand that you can't be happy if she is not happy. So just enjoy your time together. You'll hit your ups and downs no matter how happy you are, and trust me, I know. Just keep in mind that relationships are supposed to be enjoyable and fun. I'm sure things will work out though because you really seeem to care for her and if you two had more than one date, trust me, she more than likely likes you, too. Just relax and be yourself. I was so happy when my boyfriend asked me out for the first time that his aspergers was something I was willing to work with no matter what but it is tough sometimes. However, it is also something I have to work with and I'm more than happy to do it. I hope she'll be the same about your IBS as well. This is the best advice I can really give you coming from being an anxious and clingy girlfriend myself. I'm not entirely sure if you're case is similar but I can relate. Anyway, Good luck!
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  • Posted

    Thanks for the replies here, but, well, I guess my inner fears were justified as she texted me today to call it off, saying that although she thought I was amazing, she couldn't seem to find the magic. Of course, being the neorotic type, this leads me to self-analyse everything and wonder if my anxiety (or the pesonality traits its creates) killed a potential relationship with someone who I thought was perfect. It's tough; I wish I could be more relaxed and present the more natural laid-back version of myself as I feel that it would help that magic emerge. People pick up on stiffness and anxiety, and it must be off-putting. sad
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