Are we really being fair?
Posted , 10 users are following.
Good Morning Ladies,
I wanted to say something about Husband bashing of I may?. I know we are all going through something pretty horrific and we dont know ourselves anymore, we are confused and scared most of the time. We dont understand what is happening to us on any given day. With that being said, if we dont understand how can we expect our significant other to understand? We can try and explain but if it doesn't make sense to us, it will not make sense to them. They live with a person that used to be their wife and dont know what happened to her. When I hear someone say my husband doesn't get it, I think to myself no, he doesn't because we dont talk to him about how we are feeling. We as women were not made that way I think. For those who are trying to understand, I say Bless you and for those who do not want to understand and tell us that it is all in our head? i think they are as scared and confused as we are and that's how they cope. It doesn't make them bad , they just need to research. There are spouses (like mine) that are going through this with us as a team. I can not imagine my husband not supporting me and being emotionally unavailable to me because he doesn't understand. So ladies, the next time you feel the need to lash out at your spouse because he is not acting the way you think he should, please stop and think about it for a minute. I think if we try and communicate our feelings better and ask him to research what menapause does to us. Maybe then more of our spouses will understand. These are just my thoughts and in no way directed at anyone. I dont know each person's situation and everyone is different, but I do believe that we need to communicate more with them. I hope all of you have a symptom free day, Hugs to all!?🙂
2 likes, 29 replies
samantha42264 susane84679
Posted
I think you are correct in some ways but wrong in some ways. You are one of the very blessed woman that has a husband that actually listens and tries. There are very very good men out there, then there are those that can't get or even try to understand emotional stuff. They just are stunned and walk away if anything seems slightly dramatic, they can't handle it and just take off for a drive, leaving their wives feeling very alone. There are some that try to be patient and understand that we aren't as interested in sex and those that can't handle it.
I'm single, a couple of years ago I tried an online dating site....let me tell you there are plenty of men 45 to 55 that admit they are married but searching for a "friend" and they will admit it's because "they aren't getting any at home" it's right in their profile description and some that I caught lieing have said it's because of sex and that their spouses are cranky.....they won't leave either because of money or kids or don't want the Hassel. ....
Now is that trying to be understanding?
I agree sometimes the woman is at fault, we can't express ourselves well and get snappy instead of researching what and why we are this way.....but it's sometimes just that the man just brushes it off and doesn't listen or believe or just doesn't care.
susane84679 samantha42264
Posted
as I have said, not all men are alike. men that go on those sites and are married are dogs of the worst kind. we do not know what goes on in people's lives so maybe they are just wanting their cake and eat it too. I have stated that I do not know everyone's situation and I do not presume that all men will listen or even care, I was just saying that we need to at least give them a chance to understand.
samantha42264 susane84679
Posted
I wasn't saying woman are perfect in this either.
But as you said some woman lash out at their husbands; some times woman do this when they feel they aren't being listened to and have expressed how they feel many times. Sometimes, you are correct, woman lash out but never explain, because they don't know themselves why they are acting so crazy.
Just I think you hurt a few woman's feelings on here as they have tried to talk to their spouses, to make them understand, but they don't get it, won't change, or don't have the brain or emotional compasity to get it and they would never bother to research. Woman come on here to vent as there isn't anyone really to talk to in the live world, so if their husband is hurting their feelings I think it's OK to say it.
tmpearce samantha42264
Posted
She didn’t say that it wasn’t ok to vent or express our feelings about how our communication, lack of communication or lack of understanding on our husbands part is affecting us. Some women may kind of shut down because they are feeling like crap due to the hormone roller coaster ride and they just don’t want to deal with the physical or emotional energy it takes to explain what we are going through in a way our husbands understand. We know that a man’s brain works differently from a woman’s ...they tend to deal with facts and we tend to deal emotionally. So I believe she is just saying to give our husbands a chance and REALLY let them know what we are going through.
That being said, yes, some men are just jerks and if our menopausal rollercoaster interferes with their lives they don’t want anything to do with it! I’m lucky that my husband does try to understand and be supportive...as much as his male brain can.
I really don’t think susane84679 intended to hurt feelings. This is a public forum and she was expressing her own thoughts.🙂
katyD211 tmpearce
Posted
Well said and I agree....we respect each other's opinions whether or we agree, and especially the right to share our opinions.
samantha42264 tmpearce
Posted
I may have used the wrong wording, I don't think she intended to hurt anyone's feelings, more that I can tell some feel bad, not everyone is lucky enough to have understanding husbands. I'm sure it's awlful to feel like you are dieing and having the person who is supposed to love and protect you just ignore you or walk away.
Of course she can express any opinion, I even said I agree (and disagree) I agree we get too frustrated by how we feel and lash out at whomever is closest to us, of course they don't understand, how could they.....but once we clue in and research ourselves and then try to explain what we are going through to those closest to us and some ignore it, well....
Anyways, it wasn't ment to be an argument, was just pointing out that most woman on here have researched and are looking for answers,that's how they found this site, but some are not blessed like you and have wonderful husbands that at least want and try to get it the way a man can.
Woman are not perfect in all this craziness either and no its not nice how we lash out at times to anyone that we are close to.
susane84679 samantha42264
Posted
it was not my intention to hurt anyone's feelings. I have then I apologize.
ImagineOneDay susane84679
Posted
katyD211 susane84679
Posted
Susana you make some valid points that apply to some couples, but not most of the ones in my personal circle and it seems from a lot of posts in this forum, it doesnt apply to a lot of couples here either.
Personally, it is me who is doing the research and educating my family members and friends who are going through this. I've come to the realization that ,that's probably what God wants me to do. (No religious offense intended)
However, I think you assume a lot by thinking of venting and sharing experiences as husband bashing. Although I've not said anything regarding my husband's behavior toward my meno journey, I can understand what others are going through. Even f I cannot empathize with them, my heart and mind are open to understanding their frustrations.
And that's all we that we all are here for...a little tea and sympathy.
susane84679 katyD211
Posted
katyD211 susane84679
Posted
ellie309 susane84679
Posted
Hi Susane
I really liked your message but I guess everyone is different, my husband and I are just like friends now nothing physical and we have 6 year old twins I became a mum at 41. Our relationship is none existent I have sat down and talked and talked our next step is counselling. We never have any time together we don't have childcare help my parents are in their 80's I feel so lonely. Please don't judge me but last year I met someone who wants to change my world nothing has happened apart from the odd hug but he has feelings for me and has made me feel very special. More than the woman I am feeling so lonely and wanting my husband to want me. He knows someone else is interested but it hasn't changed anything. I am 47 I am a fat lump of lard and I hate perimenopause.
ImagineOneDay ellie309
Posted
susane84679 ellie309
Posted