Posted , 5 users are following.
My anxiety and agoraphobia have been really intense lately as some of you will know.
I take diazepam which is moderately helpful but not really enough, my gp had given me the option to increase it, I did increase my night dose but had been reluctant to increase the morning dose as well.
This went on for 3 weeks, my anxiety in the morning became intolerable but I was still reluctant to increase the diazepam further.
I decided to try an anti-depressant instead, I knew it would take time to work but hoped that it was a foot in the right direction at least, I took 15mg Mirtazapine as prescribed on Friday night and all hell broke loose!
I started to hallucinate badly, I didn't even know it at the time, I insisted I was dreaming but my husband clearly knew I was wide awake, this went on into the next day, my husband was calling doctors who said ideally I should be in hospital but I was refusing to go, in the end they said cease treatment immediately and told my husband to watch me closely.
Saturday evening the hallucinations had stopped but I still felt unwell, achey, itchy, sky high anxiety etc.
Monday morning I woke up and had the worst migraine I had ever had in my life, my husband got me to my doctor who said that it was bad reaction and stress, physically I am okay.
Mentally though I just cannot heal, I still have my usual anxietyand agoraphobia to cope with but what with this past weekend things feel a hundred times worse and my confidence is rock bottom.
I did go out with my husband today but felt so anxious and scared, it's hard enough anyway and the extra stress has set me right back.
My GP said to take the extra Diazepam in the morning if I need it, she wants me to have a break from new meds after the bad experience but at the moment I don't want to increase it because I just want to be in my 'own' head if that makes sense, I spent days out of it and just want the fog to clear.
Honestly though I have no idea how I will ever get over it, my emotional state was fragile enough as it was and now it's even worse, I know that no one can make this any better for me but really I just needed to vent.
It took 15 years to pluck up the courage to take a new med and this is what happened, I fear I will never be the same again.
I don't want to scare anyone off of Mirtazapine, it might be perfect for some people, it was just so wrong for me but now I have wounds that I fear wont heal from it and a whole lot of anxiety and agoraphobia that was already there to work my way through, I am just emotionally shattered
1 like, 22 replies
tess33005 BellaLuna
Posted
My darling,
You were very unfortunate to have that reaction to such a small dose of mirtazapine. It worked well for me, in conjunction with diazepam.
It just shows how delicate and different everybody's brain receptors are.
I must say that I agree with your doctor - take the diazepam as much as you need, and have a rest from all other meds.
No wonder you're scared of taking any new ones.
That was a disaster - but not one which is likely to occur with any other new meds..................but give yourself some time off.
You'll do what you need to when you're ready, honey.
So glad you husband is still supporting you and is so understanding.
love Tess xxxxxxxxxxxx
tess33005
Posted
And don't ring the Crisis Team!
They're a crisis in themselves lol.
BellaLuna tess33005
Posted
Thank you tess, yes it was really unlucky, I had read a lot of really positive reviews about Mirtazapine especially from people who found their benzos were less useful than before so I was feeling quite hopeful but it was a horrid experience.
I am definitely going to take some time off before trying a new one too, I have not increased my morning dose of Diazepam as yet but I am seriously considering it, my anxiety is getting too much which in turn is leaving me exhausted, my husband hates the idea and thinks they are evil drugs but it may be a case of having no choice and he doesn't have to live in my head.
He's a great guy don't get me wrong and he loves and supports me but of course has no idea what any of this truly feels like.
I rang the crisis team this morning, gosh they really are a crisis!
I was absolutely in pieces over my anxiety, agoraphobia, death of my mother which was 3 months ago and various other things and they just said 'You have a low mood, ask your doctor for something you can take', this was after I had told them that I had been advised by my doctor to take a break from new meds.
Honestly I am just going tostick to ringing the samaritans and other mental health helplines, they do a much better job of calming me down xxx
tess33005 BellaLuna
Posted
And I was half asleep when I wrote that nonsense about half lives lol so am waiting for Lisa to correct me.................oh dear.
Of course The Samaritans are better than the Crisis Team(s), who just don't listen.
Mirtazapine does cause hallucinations in some very unfortunate people.
Another AD did the same to me, except the hallucinations were pretty and joyful.........it does not sound like yours were, though.
Hugs,
and love from Tess xxxxxxxx
BellaLuna tess33005
Posted
Thanks tess, Lisa found out about the half life and how long it would take to get out of my system, I do feel that it's mostly gone, the only thing I still have is prickly, itchy skin but that is probably a coincidence.
I must say that for the most part the hallucinations were not nasty, some were quite funny but the experience of having them was awful, I have never hallucinated before so it was a real shock xxx
jenny560 BellaLuna
Posted
BellaLuna jenny560
Posted
Sadly doesn't shock me at all, they are dreadful and seem to forget the meaning of the word crisis, the last time I rang them suicidal they told me to ring the samaritans, the samaritans are wonderful but the crisis team are supposed to be there to deal with things like that, I'm still trying to work out what it is that they actually do.
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