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Hello I do not know why I am trying this, I think it is because I have tried so many other paths. I am twenty wight years old and have felt the urge to end my life since I was ten. When I was younger I blamed myself for my family falling apart, thinking I could not keep them together. To this day I am afraid to own a pet because every time one passed I would tell myself it died because I could not love it enough. I honestly hate myself and do not know why, I do not think I am a bad person but I do not think I should be alive. I have tried all the steps, therapy both group and private as well as medication. I have a support network of good people, but it is getting hard to reach out. Part of me is so angry towards them, blaming them for keeping me here, for telling me to hold on when I keep saying I don't know how. I am tired of lashing out at them and trying to drive them away. I don't know if advice from strangers can help, but I want to try. Sorry if this sounds tired and silly but it causes such an ache in my chest everyday like a gaping hole. Thanks for listening.
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