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Depression, the intrinsic feeling of sadness, often floats into our lives with the arrogance of not even having the reasons with it to vindicate such a feeling. Depression is the secret we all share, whether you’ve felt it yourself or know someone close to you who has experienced it, I’d be surprised if you weren’t aware of the perils that come with it. Braided in our genetics, most are predisposed to this mammoth melancholy and only need one trigger to set off a spiralling cycle of anxiousness, daunt and numbness. Depression doesn’t just eat away at your happiness, it slaughters your vitality and without vitality we are nothing. Society has made depression feel like an illness we should be embarrassed of, it is seen as a sign of weakness to the masses rather than a strength of admittance. It silences its catastrophic number of sufferers and represents the light at the end of the tunnel as a train. Even I am struggling right now giving my narrative on my experience but I know there are far worse feelings than being vulnerable. If, like myself, you were able to pull yourself out of the debris of depression, you might have a new found and profound ability to retrospect. Now I have came out the other side I am able to appreciate my depression in a way I could never fathom when the hell first came to visit. Due to being bed-ridden for a few weeks, I had a large amount of time to self-reflect. Most of my time was taken up analysing why I had depression and then welling up with shame as I always felt I was stronger than that. Anxiety made the simplest tasks unbearable, I cut myself off from friends and family and could only find solace in running and sleeping. All the things I once found great joy in diminished alongside my hope. The whole experience lasted just over half a year and whilst I still have the very rare spell, I am glad to say I’ve removed pretty much all of the depression and anxiety I had. Whilst I don’t doubt they will visit me one day again, I don’t fear their visit, I embrace it. Depression and anxiety made me an even stronger person than I was and gave me an abundance of empathy in the process. Having depression made me appreciate things that would have passed into my subconscious before the experience. I experience intense feelings of rapture and joy more than ever before and after you spend 6 months completely numb wondering if you’ll ever have feelings again, you’ll understand why. Depression made me fight. Depression made me realise my current state of living wasn’t alleviating my problems but inadvertently accelerating them in the process. It made me develop a creative outlet, I used the emotion this iconic state provoked as a platform to write. This writing would eventually be viewed hundreds of thousands of times. It made me create a business. A business that would 6 months later on touch and push thousands of people to invest in my idea and ultimately me. Depression made me understand myself better than ever before. Depression made me connect with people in a way I never have before. Depression opened my eyes to beauty in things I’d never seen before. Depression gave me empathy.
So whilst most would rather remain voiceless and solitude regarding their encounter or on-going experiences with depression, I am here shouting about it. I am not doing this for attention, I am doing it in the hope it will beckon people to find their voice. Let’s face it, life is tough and shit happens. We all go through stuff and it isn’t what we go through what it is important, it is how we react to it.
I hope you find happiness.
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