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I have been feeling depressed on and off for about three years now. I have never been "diagnosed" as I have never actively seeked help. I have been able to tolerate it up until now, even though there have been some very dark times, however recently it has been getting worse and I have noticed how much it is impacting on my life.
I feel exhausted all the time. Small jobs like washing the dishes or laundry feel like monumental tasks. I have started a new job recently however that has only made things worse. My lack of motivation makes me feel guilty which feeds my exhaustion and it all just becomes a viscious cycle!
My social life has been non-existent since I finished University (about two years ago). I moved out of my parents' house into a house share at the beginning of the year with the intent of making friends and meeting new people. Unfortunately this hasn't worked out the way I had hoped and I am just left feeling even more lonely, often going back to my parents' house. I have a few close friends from school still kicking around, however they make me feel angry as they never return my calls or texts and only seem to want to meet up when they have something to gain from it (e.g. a lift or free food/ drink).
Recently I have been becoming very hateful and isolated (even more so than usual!). I can't see how things are going to get any better unless I do something about it, however I don't know what to do. I went to see a doctor when I first started feeling really bad. They suggested counselling, however by the time they offered me an appointment I had finished my final year exams so I was on a bit of a high and didn't think I needed it! This has made me hesitant to go to a doctor again as I'm worried they would just fob me off and it wouldn't get sorted.
I find this very difficult to talk about, more so to convey my feelings in so many words! I could fill a book with my negative and hateful thoughts. Therefore I would really appreciate it if anyone could offer any advice on how to go about fixing this and getting my life back on track.
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