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Have still not been paid any ESA at all and it's been a month and a half. I've been living off £200. Rang them yesterday and the woman was so rude and I was out with a friend. I felt my eyes welling up and just wanted to go sit and cry alone but was out in public. So I tried to distract myself and pretend to look at something until the tears went away but my friend called me over. When she saw I had tears in my eyes she asked me what was wrong and I said sorry i don't want to talk about it because I don't want to get upset. Then she said really loudly that I was the one making the scene and why was I getting so upset. So I just walked off and looked round the shop until I'd calmed down. I know I'm a pain to be friends with and there's two sides to every story but I really was doing the opposite of making a scene and this made me feel worse
Then today I went i woke up with a knot in my stomach and with a missed call from a lecturer who I'd missed a meeting with. But luckily she was free later so i got to see her to discuss a resit I have two weeks to do. When she was asking me about the work I just broke down. I have no idea why because she's lovely. So that was embarrassing and I couldn't wait to get home because I felt like I was going to have a major meltdown. Then I got home and rang esa n they still haven't got my sick note (second one I've sent). I broke down on the phone to them again and had to hang up. Then I just sat and sobbed for hors thinking about how much of a mess my life is and how much of a failure and waste of space i am.
I planned to go and just end it all when it got dark tonight but now I've had a chance to calm down a bit I know that's not an option, only I don't feel I'll ever be "okay" when the smallest stressors set me off like this!
3 likes, 11 replies
nick34171 absjbs
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absjbs nick34171
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nick34171 absjbs
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nick34171
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hypercat absjbs
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I had a similiar experience a few years ago when I rang up to make a claim too. The guy on the phone was very rude and abrupt and I was really upset. I was in the throes of a very bad depression and decided suddenly I had had enough and decided to overdose that evening.
Well I did but unfortunately it didn't work and I woke up nearly 2 days later on my own. I didn't tell anyone.
Incidentally a year or so later I got a job at the same contact centre dealing with benefit claims and I traced the guy who i had spoken down. I was working in the same section as him! I didn't say anything to him but whenever I took a call for ESA from someone I was always very nice to them coz I knew what a difference this made
Things got a lot better for me and they will for you so just you hang on in there love. Bev xx.
absjbs hypercat
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hypercat absjbs
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I asked them this question once and they said you have to rely on family and friends. The official attitude is that if you are working you should have some savings to tide you over.
What you can do if they are losing your sick notes or other information is to take it into your local jobcentre and tell them. Ask them to verify the information and get a receipt then if it is lost you have proof. They might even agree to send it off for you! Or you could send it recorded delivery (ok I know that costs money but it could be worth it).
Other than that all you can do is keep calling them and it may be possible to get a crisis loan? Not sure if they do that any more though.
Good luck Bev x
audrey96558 absjbs
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So sorry to hear everything you are going through.
Citizens Advice is a good first step but I must warn you that due to the ever changing ways benefits are awarded etc they're quite often out if their depth (from personal experience).
Also from personal experiences be very careful how you handle the ESA people, not wanting to be negative but sometimes it's their actual job to meet targets to get people off benefits. Even when you rightly deserve them.
First of all make sure you have the backing of your GP.
Also make sure to not underplay any symptoms you have, it's a cruel reality that a lot of us with mental health issues down play the illness and end up quite frankly messed around.
Make sure everyone understands the depths of the lows you've been feeling, I know it's tough but it's the only way.
Also if there are any disability advice centres in your area (my GP signposted me to mine) they can be of great use.
All the best of luck my lovely.
Take care xxx
absjbs
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Been feeling really low today especially this evening and don't know where to turn. I have flatmates but I really don't feel able to talk to them about this. I've been sat crying all evening and have seriously been contemplating doing something stupid but don't want the embarrassment of it going wrong again. I might make an appointment to see my gp tomorrow although I know all they'll do is try and put me back on medication. I just really don't think I can keep myself safe but the fact I've never been able to go through with it at the time is making me think I'll probably be fine. Still not nice though feeling like this I just feel really alone
fee25 absjbs
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Is it University you're in at the moment? I just finished my degree, so difficult when you have this illness to fight alongside it
I can't give you an answer, no piece of advice to make things better. But, definitely do go and see your GP - if there's any small things that can brighten your day a bit - do it! And if you have to go back on meds then that may be useful, though it isn't always pleasant, I know.
Have you received any counselling for the way you feel? Even if you have tried, keep going - it's the way through, apparently.
Hope you're ok,
Fee xx
absjbs fee25
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Currently retaking an assignment I failed last year and I CANNOT concentrate at all!! My brain is just refusing to cooperate uni are being very helpful but they can't write it for me unfortunately haha. I've been having a sort of short term therapy but unfortunately gotta move out of my accommodation so can't see her anymore I've had lots of cbt and counselling in the past but nothing has worked and it's hard to stay positive!
I'm redoing my final year in september but I'm o worried because I was hoping to feel a bit better by then but if anything I just feel worse!
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