Posted , 5 users are following.
Have still not been paid any ESA at all and it's been a month and a half. I've been living off £200. Rang them yesterday and the woman was so rude and I was out with a friend. I felt my eyes welling up and just wanted to go sit and cry alone but was out in public. So I tried to distract myself and pretend to look at something until the tears went away but my friend called me over. When she saw I had tears in my eyes she asked me what was wrong and I said sorry i don't want to talk about it because I don't want to get upset. Then she said really loudly that I was the one making the scene and why was I getting so upset. So I just walked off and looked round the shop until I'd calmed down. I know I'm a pain to be friends with and there's two sides to every story but I really was doing the opposite of making a scene and this made me feel worse
Then today I went i woke up with a knot in my stomach and with a missed call from a lecturer who I'd missed a meeting with. But luckily she was free later so i got to see her to discuss a resit I have two weeks to do. When she was asking me about the work I just broke down. I have no idea why because she's lovely. So that was embarrassing and I couldn't wait to get home because I felt like I was going to have a major meltdown. Then I got home and rang esa n they still haven't got my sick note (second one I've sent). I broke down on the phone to them again and had to hang up. Then I just sat and sobbed for hors thinking about how much of a mess my life is and how much of a failure and waste of space i am.
I planned to go and just end it all when it got dark tonight but now I've had a chance to calm down a bit I know that's not an option, only I don't feel I'll ever be "okay" when the smallest stressors set me off like this!
3 likes, 11 replies