BF still gets anxious over abusive ex girlfriend. Is that ok?
Posted , 2 users are following.
hi everyone
my partner has moderate to severe anxiety (diagnosed for over 10 years), and a few years ago he was in a very abusive relationship. the woman she was with was not physically abusive however, she was extremely mentally abusive. she would make him think he is crazy, gaslight, make him break down and beg due to the mindgames she would play, she also cheated on him with about 14 different people. she would constantly lie and in the end he actually felt like he was going crazy. the story between them is quite severe and bad so i cant go in to details.
I wanted to know, as someone who suffers anxiety, is it 'normal' to still get anxious about a past relationship or partner. I feel a little upset and offended that he still thinks of her when he is now with me, however the fact that he suffers anxiety is a factor and also the nature of the relationship. I just wanted to know from other anxiety sufferers, do I need to worry?
thank you all for your help
lots of love!
0 likes, 3 replies
unlovedscared BoyfriendPTSD
Posted
Boyfriend, Nothing about this is normal I should know I am quite the same. I grew up being physically and mentally abused. It wasn't till the man I had been married for 21 years that I was allowing myself to be abused Physically and mentally abused again that I became terrified of him, To everyone else he seemed to be a wonderful man, To me he I was the hunted, Even though we divorced he would constantly harass me follow me or lie. When I took him to court to get and was granted a restraining order. He got someone each time to say he was someplace else. The order was dropped and I was couldn't do any and was charged with a false report. It's been years since we have been divorced yet he still gets away with terrorized me. If I think about all he did even if it's for a brief moment I panic and try to hide. I was diagnosed with PTSD . I am on medication but I still get these flashes backs and try to hide from it all. Your partner is lucky to have you. I don't trust anyone anymore.
BoyfriendPTSD unlovedscared
Posted
unlovedscared, I am so sorry to hear about your experience. Its truly awful and my heart really goes out to you. Thank you so much for sharing your experience, and I hope and pray you heal soon. Abuse is awful to go through, and has a detrimental impact, I wish the people who comitted such acts could understand how much it might impact someone later...especially when the person already has mental health issues.
My partner also has PTSD, he manages it quite well..However he has certain times where he feels worse. This is one of those months. He has been having flashbacks about what his ex girlfriend was doing to him. She was extremely manipulative and honestly, pure evil. She put him through hell. I am trying so hard to understand him, and I mostly manage to support him well. Sometimes I do let my feelings get the best of me, and thats when I wonder "why does he still think of her when he is with me!?" It makes me feel less, and like I cant distract him or save him from his misery.
That is why I wonder, is it common for someone with anxiety (and ptsd), to still think of his ex partner..and the abuse? I guess its more about his mind going wild, rather than anything to do with him and I.
If anyone has a bit more insight, id love to know how his mind is really working atm..
Thank you all x
unlovedscared BoyfriendPTSD
Posted
BoyfriendPTSD He's most likely not thinking of her. The thoughts just jump into your head and you relive that moment. The more you try to block it sometimes it just makes you relive it more. Please believe me it has nothing to do with you. Does he sometimes look like a blank slate or just stare into space? I do! This means his mind is trying to disassociate.Again I say he is lucky to have you. Having someone to reasure you and love you through these moments can mean the world>