Blipping again, encouragement please

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi peeps,

Blipping again. Have taken end of term off, it was only another couple of days anyway. Told work I had a vomiting bug....actually my stomach does feel really messed up, so that's no lie.

Saturday marked 16 weeks on Cit 10mg. I've come a long way since June, when I had the depressive/anxious relapse. However, I do still get the odd few days here and there where I feel s****y. My gosh, it does feel like it's been harder to stabilise this time around on the cit. Maybe I just won't come off it again.

I go thru periods of feeling good, and actually forgetting I'm recovering from anything. I do seem a bit more sensitive to stress, though. Like, I get more wound up by things rather than just letting them go. And my sleep is really strange. Have periods where I'm getting a good solid 7 or 7.5 hours a night. And then periods like the last few days when my sleep is all over the place, waking and not being able to get back to sleep for an hour. And my mood is a bit gloomy. My brain sometimes feels weird, eg at work yesterday, felt really detached from my surroundings all day.

Not willing to updose, or change meds. Just looking for a bit of encouragement, please. It can feel like such a struggle, dealing with all of this. I'm sure I will even out again, but it's kind of crappy when you feel like you're reversing....

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  • Posted

    I was on 20mg of the stuff when I joined a therapy group ran by my pschy hospital. Although the drug really helped me, so much so I felt did'nt need therapy. I learnt so much about my thinking and how to change it. A couple of months before the end of the therapy I stopped the citalopram. 4 months or so I needed to go back on it. But the thing is that I'm finding i can control my anxiety/depression so much better. For me citalopram is really helpful and gets me so far but I also needed the therapy. I'm now back on citalopram but my blips are rarer and shorter lived. I put this down to learning how to think my way through the blip. Oh I'm sleeping so much better as well and stomach is better.

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    • Posted

      I've had lots of 1 to 1 therapy, but this is interesting about joining a group. I'm actually a therapist myself, and so am OK at getting myself through the blips, but it IS really good to get some group support, that's kind of how I utilise this forum.... as well as hopefully offering a bit of support along the way.

      You're right... about managing the blip. I am managing to not wind myself up about it, but it is tricky at times, especially when I just want to feel better.

      How did you find your group, Ron? Am not even sure how to go about so doing. I often think that a support group would be really helpful.

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  • Posted

    Hey Ruth,

    I totally sympathise with you. I find I have the exact same symptoms as you when a blip occurs, especially the detachment, it's a horrible feeling. I can also become very agitated. What I have found which is worth considering is I get like this a few days before my period and it passes once it starts. I reckon hormones play a massive part in disrupting the citalopram's job. I also find lack of sleep is a trigger for me. You seem very clued up on whats going on and aware that it will pass and you're not going backwards. That's a good thing, it will help

    it pass quicker. You'll get there. It's a stressful time of year, the weather sucks, you have a job that seems stressful, these are all factors. Hope it passes quickly for you 😃

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    • Posted

      Hey there, thanks for the support. Definitely the weather/darkness is having an impact. I'm post menopause, so there's that to contend with.... I think being post meno has changed how I react to these meds.

      Feeling a bit better this eve, just from having a day off. After a blip is receding, I kind of look back at it and feel like I'd gone temporarily mad. Brains are really weird.

      Thanks, Moaney. Hope you're doing well and that Christmas/New Year is good for you 🎄😊

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    • Posted

      I reckon that post menopause will be affecting you for sure. It took a good few weeks for me to notice a pattern with my blips and once I spotted the pattern, that alone made them easier to recover from. So you're right, brains are weird!! As long as I can now find reason I seem to be able to cope with them much better than the start of all of this.

      My mum suffers with SAD a little and has one of those fancy lamps. It's maybe worth investing in one if you find the weather pulls you down. I personally like the winter time ❄

      Good you are feeling a bit better already, hope it reaches it's peek in time for the big man coming. I have a 4 & a 1 year old keeping me on my toes. So glad to be feeling better to enjoy Christmas, I genuinely thought I'd never get to this point and I have....so there's hope for us all!!! Have a good one xx

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    • Posted

      Thank you, you too. Just got up and feeling better. Also looking forward to Christmas and spending time with my parents. Thanks for the encouragement 😊 and actually, I'm gonna see if there is a kind of cycle to the blips. It does seem to be a rather cyclic thing. Xxx

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  • Posted

    Hi Ruth

    I reduced my dose a few weeks after you went back to 10 and if its any consolation I too am feeling very much the same as you. I get good days and bad ones still. When I feel good I think, this is it, I'm over the hurdle, but then the next day I can be muzzy headed, light headed, headachey, nauseous and generally feeling out of it. I get palpitations and heart flutters too along with morning anxiety. The last few days I've gone back to 10 from 7.5 because I just felt I was getting nowhere fast after 8 weeks at least on 7.5. I feel better in my mind though because I know it is the med and my anxiety and I remind myself that it's not permanent. When I feel this weird muzzy head feeling I push through it. For example I went to the supermarket this morning and felt weird going but I managed to do what I had to do without any problems. I just try to kick it up the backside if you can understand what I mean. I think you said in a previous post that holiday times make you feel worse so perhaps that with the stress of Christmas combined with your stressful job, this is causing your blip. It just takes time, sometimes longer for some than others like you and me. Keep strong as I know you are, you will get through it.😊

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    • Posted

      My reply to you disappeared, how weird! Was gonna say, you sound better. Like you are feeli g more in control of it all, and able to just get on.

      I think I am, also.... but it's still a shocker when a blip hits. Its not helping that I seem to be getting ill all the time at the moment, as that seems to pull my mood down.

      Am mostly still suffering with sleep being a bit wonky. And occasional gastric upset. But yes, in the main am feeling a lot stronger. I keep forgetting how far I've come since summer. And also, we need to remember we're recovering in the depths of winter... less light and warmth. All in all, I reckon we are doing well.

      Anyway. Am feeling less of a space cadet and more motivated today. Shivery bug seems to have passed. I've spent about three days on the sofa, doing nothing, which is not like me. I loved it!

      Hope today finds you well xxx

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    • Posted

      Hi Ruth, I hope you feel better soon, what a huge journey this has been, and it will be worth it in the end. Have a lovely Christmas x

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    • Posted

      Glad you are feeling better again. Just a thought Ruth but re the symptoms you described about a persistent virus, this could this be a sign of vit D deficiency.

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  • Posted

    hi ruth, i could have written this. 14 weeks and still feeling bad, then a little better and then bad again. its my third time and its definately harder this time. I am having some nhs counselling too so hopefully it will help.

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    • Posted

      Wishing you better, Maggie. Counselling/therapy is great. I'm finding it hard to ride the waves that the antidepressants create, but am gradually getting there.

      Interesting that you're also finding it harder the third time to start up the meds. It's frustrating, not being able to kind of predict when the windows and waves are going to happen. I'm literally bobbing along feeling fine and then wham, just going through a wobble again. Am really looking forward to being on a relatively even keel.

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