Bouts of intrusive thoughts

I CANNOT take AD's they make me worse. Gotta stop smoking and stick with my benzos

So could ocd about killing yourself be like me saying over and over again "you should just kill yourself" and then arguing with myself to shut up cause that's that farthest think from what I want to do. It gets worse when I'm feeling low or anxious. Then I look for the thought and start ruminating it over and over in my head. Till I start thinking maybe it's another voice in my head tell me this. But it's like the voice you hear when you read a book. And then I start arguing with myself of how stupid um being and then at times when I'm anxious I look for bad thoughts or make them up in my head. It's weird. And very annoying. It didn't start till my antidepressant started wearing off and I had that initial thought popped into my head. Then ever since coming off the meds cause I felt like the doctors kept me on for anxiety which started as panic attacks for way too long it's been an ongoing issue while on no meds. It's only been a little over 2 months and some people say it's part of withdrawal cause my brain is messed up and trying to rebuild chemicals it doesn't have now. I guess if I knew it was just ocd and not like a psychotic thing I would be better about it. It was gone for a while and then this month with my period it started again. I get freaked out cause my dad killed himself about 15 years ago. So I get scared what if I'm getting what he had. But I'm not even sure he heard voices telling him to kill himself. I think he just got depressed and did it. I really don't want to go back on meds at this point but it's super annoying and depressing sometimes. So coming off the Effexor has also caused all kinds of other crap for me. But this one bothers me. I guess while on meds I didn't pay so much attention to my inner voice and now it won't shut up

Hi I'm not sure if you still use this but if there is anyway you would be willing to talk to me I have this issue really bad and it's scaring me and out of all the posts Iv read this is the only thing that helped me please let me know ! Thanks

Hey I have recently been going through this myself, except my anxiety was brought on by smoking marijuana. I didn't show any signs of anxiety or depression ever in my life until I had a panic attack while being too high. It felt like I was high for a month and it slowly started to fade away and then I got into an argument with my best friends and boom it hit me again. This time it was worse but I could still sleep and the panic attacks weren't fully blown. It also brought on mood swings from depressed, anxious, and angry. But I went to the doctors and she prescribed me a low dose of paxil (paroxetene). I could definitely say that it helped a little bit for the first couple of weeks and then I started getting intrusive thoughts out of nowhere. Now it is getting to a point where I can't sleep and I keep blaming the AD for them. But I realise that high levels of anxiety bring these thoughts on like a vicious cycle. You get an intrusive thought followed by a huge adrenaline rush and then fear comes along and it just keeps going around and around. It gets really depressing and even makes me more anxious but I think the best way to think about it is to remember the moments of clarity you have had before all of this and focus on happier things in your life. It sucks for me because I am in my last semester of college and sometimes I get so anxious I can't even focus on my work. But I am hoping this is just a phase in all of our lives then will eventually pass.

Hey, I've had the same issues for about a year now after trying LSD for the first time. It's been quite on and off, obviously increasing during the school period, but I can totally understand what you are saying. I'm so worried about these thoughts and they give me such a horrible feeling that I actually wonder if my brain just says it because it's the easy way out. That worries me more because people actually do it because it's the easy way out. So here my brain is thinking of these thoughts, getting panic attacks and massive amounts of anxiety, then wondering if I actually want to do it because of the feeling these thoughts give me. It's almost as if whenever I have this problem identified (OCD), my brain always has a way to go around it. It's really hard to explain and insanely hard to grasp so I feel hopeless sometimes. I feel as if I have to solve and understand why I'm thinking this way to get better, but I just can't. It's tiresome and frustrating and is really inhibiting my desire to have fun.

I relate to this.I know this is over a year old. I hope you are doing better....

I have been dealing with the same thing since April 2016, it has changed my life and it seems to be dips in serotonin levels cause you will be downhill and detached for a few weeks then your back to normal for a little while. Best thing to do is keep fighting and know your not alone. Hang with friends when u get these intrusive thoughts that's what I did my friends made sure to not let me do anything stupid. Definetly always be open with your doctor cause that's only way to eventually get better. I hope I helped somewhat, feel better