Boyfriend Doesn't Understand my Depression

Posted , 5 users are following.

I'm only 21, but I've been suffering with severe depression since around 12 years old. I recieved CBT (for 2 years) after an 8th attempt on my life and for a couple of years my depression was managable. I even met a boy at 17. Today we're still together. But my depression is out of control again and I feel like he doesn't understand it.

I don't want to sound like I'm putting him down. He's had his own issues in the past (mother with mild schizophrenia and bipolar and raised to distrust psychiatrists) but I need him right now. Before I had my parents and at least 1 or 2 family members. Now I've moved out of the county, an hour away from them. He is my only support line. We share a friendship group, but I cannot trust them. If I tell them anything, my boyfriend will find out in 5 minutes because they tell him everything.

I've been told to try and get him to understand that depression is something I can't control right now. I sent him an article aimed at giving people advice on how to deal with partners having depression. But point 8 was "Their depression is not about you". And so kicked off saying that the author was "up her own emo ass" and that depression "involved both of us". I acknowledged that and asked about the rest of the article. He refused to read it because "you're attention seeking" and "causing drama"

I've been sitting here crying, glad that he's in Uni right now (I'm revising for exams at home). I feel utterly alone. He's not even trying to understand like he says he does. I even asked if he was on my side. He said he was - yet he thinks depression is a weakness, that I'm weak, attention seeking - when...I'm just trying to reach out to him.

I even have our friend supporting me. He has depression too so we're clinging to each other. He found out I've been hanging out with our friend for weeks now, texting and so on to support each other. He thinks I'm cheating on him now and doesn't like me talking to other GUYS about this. Yet I have no female friends due to my tomboyish ways.

I don't know where to go anymore aside my old ways...

Does anyone have any advice?

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6 Replies

  • Posted

    Is there a reason you cannot move back home? It seems to me like you would benefit greatly from family support right now. Your boyfriend should trust you and allow you to speak to who you want. Controlling behavour like that in a relationship is a bad sign and is a form of emaotional abuse. Not everyone will understand depression but a decent man that loves you will support you and respect your choices and the friends you choose.
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    • Posted

      Unfortunately there is. My mother over the last few years hasn't been as supportive as she was the first tiem I went through this bad phase, and is very money orientated. I'd be expected to pay a lot of money that I dont have to move back in with her. There are no jobs going in that area due to it being so out-of-the-way. So its better financially if I stay here as I'm also doing Masters in 2016 in the same university.

      I've even tried telling him that it's abuse but he doesn't believe it. He was raised by abusive (both to him and each other) parents so I think he thinks its normal behaviour. Sometimes he listens if his friends tell him, but then forgets it after a week. He needs his own counselling, but refuses.

      3 years ago he would have done anything to listen to me and at least try and understand. Now he won't. I dont know if its because he's gotten too comofrtable, or he's fallen out of love with me. I'd rather him just dump me then lead me to my own suicide...

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    • Posted

      I'm not good with relationship advice so maybe some one else can help you with some advice on here. That said if you are truly unhappy with him and he treats you bad you should leave him. People will treat you how you allow yourself to be treated. Obviously you are in a vulnerable state right now and not in the best position to stand up for yourself. But remember his back ground does not excuse his behaviour now. My wife was brought up in a very physically abusive family but she is a very caring person. We all have a choice.

      What ever you decide to do look after yourself and take care of your emotional health.

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  • Posted

    If he can't be supportive to you then he is also contributing to your depression and making it worse.  You must ask yourself the hard questions like: "Would I be better off emotionally and mentally with him or without him?".  I am not advising you to leave him or to stay with him, just asking you to try to help yourself by perhaps not allowing someone to be abusive to you in this manner. It's appears to be true to me that he does not understand it but it is also true that it involves him as well.  Is it because he is perhaps weak and feels he is not getting the attention he craves because of your serious condition? There are also those that just cannot help people like us.  It's as if they fear it. Like you are a drowning person needing help and they fear if they try to help then your grip on them and your need will drag them down to drown as well. I would suggest you get the counseling you so very much need and talk with whatever friends you have that can be there for you. YOU TAKE CARE OF YOU. I do hope you get some relief from this.
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  • Posted

    You have try to convence your Boyfriend about your friend circule and must explain every thing.He will definatly understand your problem.
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  • Posted

    Throw out the whole boyfriend 
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