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I'm only 21, but I've been suffering with severe depression since around 12 years old. I recieved CBT (for 2 years) after an 8th attempt on my life and for a couple of years my depression was managable. I even met a boy at 17. Today we're still together. But my depression is out of control again and I feel like he doesn't understand it.
I don't want to sound like I'm putting him down. He's had his own issues in the past (mother with mild schizophrenia and bipolar and raised to distrust psychiatrists) but I need him right now. Before I had my parents and at least 1 or 2 family members. Now I've moved out of the county, an hour away from them. He is my only support line. We share a friendship group, but I cannot trust them. If I tell them anything, my boyfriend will find out in 5 minutes because they tell him everything.
I've been told to try and get him to understand that depression is something I can't control right now. I sent him an article aimed at giving people advice on how to deal with partners having depression. But point 8 was "Their depression is not about you". And so kicked off saying that the author was "up her own emo ass" and that depression "involved both of us". I acknowledged that and asked about the rest of the article. He refused to read it because "you're attention seeking" and "causing drama"
I've been sitting here crying, glad that he's in Uni right now (I'm revising for exams at home). I feel utterly alone. He's not even trying to understand like he says he does. I even asked if he was on my side. He said he was - yet he thinks depression is a weakness, that I'm weak, attention seeking - when...I'm just trying to reach out to him.
I even have our friend supporting me. He has depression too so we're clinging to each other. He found out I've been hanging out with our friend for weeks now, texting and so on to support each other. He thinks I'm cheating on him now and doesn't like me talking to other GUYS about this. Yet I have no female friends due to my tomboyish ways.
I don't know where to go anymore aside my old ways...
Does anyone have any advice?
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