Boyfriend just left me due to depression... Am I doing the right thing?

Posted , 3 users are following.

My boyfriend and I had been dating for a year and a half, and we were really close for a year before we started dating because he was infatuated with me but I wanted to remain friends. He's always been a super sensitive, sweet guy which is good for me because I'm a sensitive person as well. Lately whenever we (I don't wanna say argue, because they're not really arguments) clash over some things he would get a LOT more irritated about then he normally would, so I would just apologize and let it go. He told me a few weeks ago that he could feel hat his depression was back. He said that he was fine when we were together, but whenever he was alone and not doing anything it would just sink in. He has been a little different lately, more emotionless and we've clashed a little more than normal over dumb things. Two days ago he texted me and told me that he's changed, and he's turning into a prick. He said he's even doing it to me now, and that I'm the last person he ever thought that would happen to. He said he just needs to be alone for a bit and that he's not emotionally stable for a relationship and he can't feel all of those emotions right now so he said we need a break. He told me he expects me to hate him and to curse at him, and hopes that I can forgive him but he thinks probably not.

Of course I was upset, and I told him he's not throwing a year and a half down the drain over a text message. He's the type of person that runs away from conflicts when he gets scared rather than facing them. He kept messaging me all day but he was very very distant. So I showed up to school when he got out of class with his favorite lunch and

he sat on the back of his truck with me like everything was perfectly normal. But, when I brought it up he got this really pained look in his face and just said "please". We went to his house and hung out like everything was perfectly normal, he still tells me he loves me and kisses me just like when we were dating. I can tell he still loves me by the way he looks at me even now. But whenever a topic that may hint at us being together again pops up, he immediately responds by saying "We aren't together.". He doesn't want people to know about his depression, and we're not telling people we broke up. He knows this is hard on me so I try not to cry or show any upset emotion around him because it makes him cry as well. The other day I went up to his bathroom when I felt tears coming on and he just came and sat on the bathroom floor with me and kissed my head and cried too. I tried to talk to him about us and letting me help him, and he just kept saying "I can't do a relationship. I can't handle the emotions. I don't want to be with you. I just want to be best friends lien we were before. " but when I asked him if he sees us together in the future he says yes.

I know physical presence is important for me to support him but he keeps himself busy almost all the time so he can't give himself time to think about the depression. So we still text and he still answers my phone call but his messages are so emotionless and so unlike him. I'm trying to keep things light and free of deep emotional stuff, but I can't help wondering if what I'm doing is the right thing. I've never done this before so I really need help on how to handle this because I don't want to wind up making it worse and pushing him further away from me. He acts the same when we're together, just when we're apart he is so distant and emotionless. It's gotten to the point where he can't even talk about any remotely deep stuff in person, it has to be over text message when I can't read his face.

I know he loves me, heck even after we broke up he was just looking into my eyes and told me I have pretty eyes. We took a shower together the day after he left me and it was perfectly normal, he let me wash his back for him and nothing was weird. Just like we used to be. And I know he's still attracted to me because I can see it. but I don't know how to help him out of this so we can be together again. I know it's partially out of his guilt that he left me, because he thinks he was treating me bad even though I told him I know he couldn't help it, I was he depression. I can physically see the depression draining the boy I love away from me and I would give anything to get him back. I just need advice on how to handle this and how to support him without making things worse. Anything would help please!

1 like, 7 replies

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    By the way, his dad recently suffered from this so he's going to talk to his dad tomorrow and he told me he was going to gontonthe Doctor and get medication and take all those steps to get better. I just don't know how to behave towards him
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  • Posted

    you've been supporting him since the beginning! you're a great friend/partner. since you mentioned his dad, this all might be in the genes. glad to hear he's going to the doctor and maybe consider meds. i f you want to help him, continue what you're doing. you are a great person. he is lucky to have you. i hope things get figured out soon, so you'll both be healthy and happy! good luck to you girl!
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  • Posted

    be patient, accept his illness, be accommodating, don't forget to talk to each other. You are doing most of this already so I think you are on the right track.  Keep going.
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  • Posted

    I would just like to know if it looks like there's any hope or chance that we can get back together
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    • Posted

      None of us can tell you if there is hope or not.  Step back and be his support and don't pressure him (that is how he may be perceiving your nudges).  Being supportive and loving without pressure will go a long way.  And don't guilt trip him, that only makes people pull away more.
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  • Posted

    So sorry youre going through this, and hope he gets the help he deserves. I know since I suffer from depression, I push away the people I love the most so that they wont see me in this state of depression. I don't want to pass on any negativity to those around me. Maybe thats whats going on through his head as well. But I think what you are doing is perfectly fine, just stick by his side, and keep supporting him. Make yourself available and tell him you truly care about him, and if there is anything you could help with to let you know. Just dont pressure him, or make him feel guilty for "taking that break", he probably just wants a bit of space to get himself together for you. Good luck to you girl, and youre a very great person for sticking by his side. You guys sound like you truly care for one another, and it sounds like things will work itself out over time! smile 
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