Bullying

Posted , 7 users are following.

hi,

i need some help.  I got up feeling more positive today or trying to be.  I got bullied by my neighbour for best part of three years, she moved out he remained.  I don’t look at his house or him but he was coming towards me today and started saying why was I so ugly and nasty no one likes you down here.  I replied saying that people are very ill and then there is you like you are.  I tried to keep it together but feel so down again and feel worthless, like I must be ugly etc.  I chat to people with the smile I’m good at now so not everyone does think like he said but still feel sad.  I’ve no idea how I can get better.  I had thought of private counselling has anyone tried this? I wouldn’t be able to go weekly but maybe twice a month?  Any help?

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14 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi Sue. Bullies like to belittle other people to make themselves feel superior because they really have no self esteem or confidence. Don't listen to anything he says, just ignore him and walk away. He is the problem, not you. Don't base your self worth on what a bully says. If you have a friend or relative you can confide in, tell them how you feel. Have you told your doctor how you feel and what you have been going through? He may be able to help you or refer you to someone who can.

    Please take care and let us know how you are doing.

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    • Posted

      I self referred to NHS counselling three years ago about the bullying and last year for grief counselling.  I feel it’s my fault as I’m no good at confrontation and keep myself to myself in the place I live but also chat to certain couples as well, I mean I’m not ignorant but don’t go looking for people either. He waits till I’m somewhere away from the street never at home where others can see what he does or when my relative is here.  I just feel bullies bully because I’m weak but the knock on effect makes me worthless as I can never think of any good comment to say in the correct way.  The grief I think has led to depression  I can see that and just need help moving on.
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  • Posted

    You’re not ugly, I can promise that. Your neighbor is rude and that’s all there is to it. I’m here anytime to chat 
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  • Posted

    Hello Sue. I am so...glad that you wrote to us today. I cannot stand the thought of someone being abusive to you. Sue you must be very beautiful for those neighbors to bully you like that. Their are mean people everywhere and they have to put other people down to make themselves feel better. You are so smart to send yourself to a counselor. Yes I know about counseling because I went myself and it helped me very much. I hope you will go. In the meantime can you stay as far from that man as possible. Please keep writing is. Diane
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    • Posted

      Thank you not sure I’m beautiful but well.  I do keep away from him.  I clean my car when he’s out, do jobs outside when he’s out, get my car out without looking his way but he comes out pretending to go to the bin and staring.  It’s all very passive and calculated.  I enquirer about counselling I’m waiting for a reply I need someone to chat to I think that’s the trouble emotions have been kept in acting normal.

       

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  • Posted

    Sue that's a terrible way to live. I am so glad that you are a person of action and have already called for an appointment with the doctor. Keep us posted Sue. Diane

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  • Posted

    Hi Sue, I know what neighbourly bullying is like as I'm still experiencing it where we live as my husband has experienced it too. It's amazing what neighbours can get away with before the police will do anything. I am getting sick and tired of the nasty people where I live. How did you get her out? I am starting to think of leaving here to stop the bullying and nastiness off people. I wish you luck for the future.

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    • Posted

      Hi Sam

      sorry for your troubles and I hope you are ok, thank you for replying, it does mean a lot.  The woman was a complete Mad woman

      and so is he.  We ignored everything for four years, documented everything, kept images on cctv that police told us to put up in the end the ignoring drove her wild and she took it all out on the husband, then on day she upped and left.  He seems to think he can carry on doing the same things.  I didn’t have losses then that have happened in the last year though, I’m still working through grief and people like them I just thought weren’t worthy of my time.  They are elderly and we are a lot younger jealousy was the initial problem after one day living there. Relative has given me a lot of support since yesterday and encouragement, as has here, thank you to you all x

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    • Posted

      Hi Sue omg it's terrible what people have to put up with. I feel so sorry for you. Some people are think are just born to be nasty and any old excuse will do as to why they would do it. There's no excuse for rudeness in my book. People need to learn to live with each other that's all.

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  • Posted

    So im talking from personal experience here. People get bullied because they let themselves get bullied. If that bully lives nearby, then just ignoring and walking on is a terrible advice! He wont stop. He bullies because hes mostly an idiot with some personal issues and very high self esteem, so sees some weakness in you, and it makes him feel better about himself. The best way to deal with a bully is not let him get to you, stand up for yourself with words or action, dont show any weakness and confront the bully. You need to build your confidence. Take some self-defense classes like krav maga, so you know how to defend yourself, and most importantly boost your confidence. Is that really more difficult that let some stupid bully dictate your whole day? You are not as weak as you think, you have to discover your inner strength and work on it. 

    Sorry if i sound harsh, but this is how i, my younger brother and also our female cousin dealt with bullies in school. Show them that you are not weak and they wont bother you ever again. 

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    • Posted

      No totally agree.  Narcissists do require ingnoring but some bullies require a different technique.  I watched a film last night and noticed how in the film the person stood up to being bullied straight away and in the correct way, he killed him in the end.  I said last night is take responsibility for being bullied, you don’t bully people with high esteem it just wouldn’t work.  No offence taken, I must look a mug of a person, I agree
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    • Posted

      Dont take films too seriously, obviously that bully in film was some sick psychopath if he killed that person, thats a different case. If that person whos bulling you really is some sick degenerate, then there is not much that can be done, if it gets really bad authorities must get involved. Maybe try to outsmart him in some way. I was just talking about ''normal' school bullies. I remember people who got bullied in my school and never stood up for themselves, they stayed like that well into their adulthood and most people walked all over them. 

      Sue, you dont look like a mug of a person, we all have our own issues, please dont be too hard on yourself. I hope that counselling will help you. Don't let your emotions bottle up, you can share them with us here, that's what this is for, we support each other. 

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  • Posted

    Hi Sue - I'm so sorry you are suffering this type of treatment. Bullies are among the lowest of the human race. They like to pick on those they consider easy targets. They get some perverse pleasure from doing it. Some think it's clever and get all puffed up with importance because they think they are in control and respected. Others simply despise themselves and want everyone else to feel as badly about themselves as the bully does. 

    There are two ways to handle such monsters. One is to bite back. Gather all that outrage and indignation about how you have been treated and spew it right back at them. Formulate short simple sentences and rehearse them to yourself. When the opportunity presents, let the bully have it. The result can be surprising. They might avoid you - even to the point of vacating the street when they see you coming. On the other hand, such a reaction may be just what they seek, the excuse in their twisted world to retaliate. See if you can record the exchange. It is not uncommon for bullies to play all wounded and innocent to get the law involved and confound their targets.

    The second action is more surreptitious. Keep a journal of attacks, times, dates, what was said, what he was wearing, any witnesses etc. Describe how you are feeling and what these attacks are doing to you. If you are able to, film and/or record the confrontations. Don't engage him unless absolutely necessary. Once you have that sort of proof, you can take that to the police and explain that this has gone on for years and something must be done to stop him. If the police dismiss you, make sure you get the officers names (they should be wearing tags), write a summary of what took place to add to your journal/evidence and take the matter higher up the chain - in writing. To the Superintendent or the Chief.  Seek a restraining order against your abuser. I bet you anything he is known to police.

    Counselling will help you. You need to deal with the dread and fear he has instilled in you and realise none of it is your fault. Meanwhile, you are not alone in your suffering. I survived a brutal, targeted attack on me by neighbours some years ago - the ring leaders were in their sixties and had terrorised 13 years of tenants. No-one would stop them. They played all frail and innocent to the authorities as they accused me of things I have never done in my life. Restraining orders were issued against me, I had to defend myself in court, a shattered, traumatised mess. Gangs of police would visit telling me to shut my mouth. They realised I wouldn't back down and their indifferent incompetence would be revealed. I opted to contact the Attorney General. That changed things. Those monsters were driven out in the end. It took a year, my character was annihilated and i had a heart attack. 

    Go for it, Sue. Sort that monster out. In the end, he will be more frightened of you than you ever were of him.

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    • Posted

      Hi Wayne

        

      heck, what a story, you must have a strong character.  I’ve decided to think of some short comebacks now and I will practice these.  I have brill comebacks after but not at the time, usually as I’m caught off guard.  I think he enjoys the bullying.  Definitely plays the victim as he is elderly but is a nasty man.  I think ignoring is good to some extent but self respect goes out the window if you do it too much.  I’ll keep posting on here as people are good listeners on here wink

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