Burnt / scared face

Posted , 6 users are following.

im a 21 year old male , just compelted thh second year of university the hardest of my life. Let me explain throughout first year my nose was scared in a accident , As the knows is cartalige it was a keloid scar which people know looks horribly and disfigured although after 3-4 dermatology operations i was becoming my old self. From february to october november first year of living in halls of dealing with people i hardly know on a day to day basis getting judged and hearing conversations of what the hells that on his nose. Im so proud i overcame this. Im now in a relationship, football team and love life. a month a go i was at a friends leaving party. I had drank to much and fallen asleep on the sofa where i awoke to my forehead being on fire, i dont know if it  was on purpose or some sick joke but i never received an apology and ive never truley woken up from that day. but im in the worst whole of my life again. I cant think straight, do day to day activites, ive thought about getting a knife and cutting the person up who did this to me or shooting him before i take my own life. My face is horribly damaged and the thoughts are worse than ever as i hate doctors who dont take you seriously or cant actually offer you help. Ive visit the same dermatologist to help although its compeltely differnt this situation. My life was in birmingham now im back home and the anxiety is beyond belief returning to birmingham. Im heading away with my girlfriend who im so scared to see in a week and ive told her about it although she said she doesnt care i know she will which is why my last relationship eneded. Every morning i rattle with anger punching things , scared, insecure, helpless. feeling like a burden on my mum who ive put through so much as i try to explain how i feel but she wont understand. Without her i wouldnt of lasted this far and now i really dont see any hope for me. The packet of drugs are right there and to take 30- 40 in 2 mins seems so easier than being with my girlfirend traveling the world when im so frightend to walk to the shop 5 mins away as i get horrible comments. Please advise me on something , theres not much that can be said i understand but right now im at rockbottom , i feel the presuure , ive quit my job , football team and i think uni and my gf are next .. then my life can end or i can the end the person whose done this to me just to have some peace or something

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  • Posted

    Please do not give up Ryan. I do know what your saying about your feelngs and how people seem to treat you because of the way you look; but you are so much more than this, you are clearly a loving, intelligent and friendly person ordinarily. You are not blame for other peoples ignorance and stupidity. I know it's asking a lot but do not give up I implore you to hold on, to reach out for help and support, and to hold on to those who do care and that want to know xx
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  • Posted

    Ryan you are in a spiral of dispare. All the things that have happened t you in such a short space of time. You really need to speak to your GP. Please do not give these morons the time of day because they will have won if you give up Uni. OK it really hurts being disfigured in the way you discribe.

    I am very glad to tell you that there is help out there. You just need to be pointed in the right direction. Think hard about what you are thinking about doing. Make a retrospective assault case against these people. Shooting them or knifing them is not going to make them suffer. A year in jail with a criminal record will sort them out. Being kicked out of Uni if they were the ones that did this to you.The thoughts of suicide in this kind of problem are all to common. Please for the sake of your family, friends even your girl friend. She sounds like a brick, someone who loves you for what you are. Let her help you when she can. Allow her to get near you and don't push her away like the other one. Hold on to her and don't let go.

    If you are going to continue having plastic surgery the out come might not be perfect but the Red Cross cosmetic disfigurement team could help you to mask the problem to your face by teaching you how to camaflague it. Thanks for seding such a sensitive story to the forum. You will have many more posts, some from people who have been adversly affected by the type of problem you have now and face for sometime to come. Best regards Peter.

     

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  • Posted

    Well done Karen for your great reply to Ryan. He needs us all to back him up during this period in his life. Thank you. Peter
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  • Posted

    Hi Ryan this sounds awful and I am so sorry you are feeling so bad about it.   Looks in this facile world are very important especially when you are young and unfortunately people will judge you on your face. 

    I do know what I am talking about as I had very severe acne as a teenager which has left me with scars and pits in my skin to this day. 

    There are several points I want to make from my own experience

    1.  It looks far worse to you than others.

    2.  Do what you can to improve the damage ie I had 2 dermatologies on my skin in the past which has improved it quite a lot.

    3.  I am female and men judge women on their looks a lot more harsly than men are judged.   Woman are judged at value of face and men at face value.

    4.  Any woman worth her salt will see beyond that to the lovely caring man you are.   Lots of men are put off by a woman's disfigurement but women tend to be more accepting.

    5.  People will make nasty remarks - I have had too many to count and ok it does hurt but the more you show a reaction the more they will do it. 

    6.  I say things to people like 'Well you are no oil painting are you?'  or 'Well these are battle scars - what's your excuse?' 

    7.  The more you worry and concentrate on it the more people will take the mickey. 

    8.  In life you have to change what you can and accept what you can't. 

    9.  Don't let it make you bitter - what's the point in that?

    10. It is not worth spending your life in jail for or killing yourself over it.  You only have 1 life and it's yours to live how you choose to.

    I hope this helps a bit love.   Bev x 

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  • Posted

    You should focus on trying to get the person/people who did this prosecuted, if you know who it is, and give the police any evidence you can to help convict them.  I was raped and that was my main focus and help in getting over it for quite a long time. In the end my attacker wasnt convicted but the process he went through really scared him, and he ended up leaving his job and the area we lived in, so it was worth it just for that.

    Then - or  rather as well - asap, get some therapy to help with this, as you really do need some.

    Lots of luck. It sounds really horrible, and I know you think you cant pull through this, but honestly, you can.

     

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  • Posted

    I am so sorry this happened to you! What an awful thing for someone to do! As hard as it may be try to ignore ignorant people that say mean things. I think it takes a lot of courage on your part to continue living your life. Plastic surgeons can do wonders, I know it may take several surgeries depending on the severity of the burn but in time you'll get there!!!

    I realize it's easier said than done, I do get that! Are there any local support groups in your area? Don't give up! Remember, what doesn't kill you makes you stronger and the best revenge is success! You want to be here when karma comes around! It always does sooner or later!

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