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As I'm writing this. I am shaking
I have always been a depressive person.
I had an abusive partner which consumed me, I broke up with him anyways, I met a guy no I knew him for a long time but GOD met us. He is perfect we started dating.I fell in love and I still love him he is perfect, caring everything I ever wanted became mine, he loves me he treats me right. Okay so before we started dating I had a car accident with my sister, and my sister suffers from anxiety but at least she knows how to manage it. I was always that strong girl who doesnt talk about her feelings because theyre stupid,(you have to be strong) after the accident I had these obsessive thoughts of suicide, but I DIDN'T wanna do it. I was just scared I'd come to that point where I actually want to do it.I could'nt cry I couldnt feel anything. I came back to my hometown as soon as I saw my mother I started crying so much and I was relieved. It took me about 2 months to get better It got better by itself. Then after that I started thinking where did those thoughts come from ? How did I manage it ? How is it ppssible to think something like that? How could I think like that? Anyways this made me depressed, I had my amazing boyfriend on my shoulders who is always there to support me. Then on my birthday we got engaged I was happy.. we're getting married now I mean that's everything I ever wanted and WANT! But the thoughts" What If i don't love him(even though I know I do),What if i ruin his life? What am I doing? These thoughts just keep getting bigger and bigger and making me believe something that is not real at all.I know I love him the most! I BELIEVE I'll get better. But I'm always scared of myself, of my thoughts. Im scared I'll mess everything up and then regret it all! I mean why do I HAVE THESE THINGs my life's perfect I have everything I EVER WANTED and feel this way! I'm numb. Thank you If someone has ever felt this way please reply and tell me that It's nothing and It will get better.
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