Can anybody offer me some reassurance?

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Hi, I have been taking 20mg of Citilopram for 10 weeks and am suffering from awful OCD invasive thoughts which lead to dreadful anxiety and excessive feelings of guilt.  When I suffered from depression a few years ago I seemed to improve In a few weeks but this time I am stuck in a living hell.  Is my experience normal, has anybody else had to wait so long with little sign of improvement?  I suppose I am looking for some reassurance that I will start feeling better soon as I do not know how much longer I can cope with these feelings.

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  • Posted

    Hi Bax,

    I get tge intrusive thoughts too and they are horrendous...i have been learning through therapy just to see them for what they are...thoughts...nothing more. So hard, believe me i know!! Once you get your head around that you will start feeling better x x

    • Posted

      Once a group of 50 people was attending a seminar.

      Suddenly the speaker stopped and started giving each one a balloon. Each one was asked to write his/her name on it using a marker pen. Then all the balloons were collected and put in another room.

      Now these delegates were let in that room and asked to find the balloon which had their name written, within 5 minutes. Everyone was frantically searching for their name, colliding with eachother, pushing around others and there was utter chaos.

      At the end of 5 minutes no one could find their own balloon.

      Now each one was asked to randomaly collect a balloon and give it to the the person whose name was written on it.

      Within minutes everyone had their own balloon.

      The speaker began--- Exactly this is happening in our lives. Everyone is frantically looking for happiness all around, not knowing where it is.

      Our happiness lies in the happiness of other people. Give them their happiness, you will get your own happiness.

      And this is the purpose of human life.

      Is this not what you are looking for?

    • Posted

      Anxiety is physical - low serotonin affects everything a person does.  Often no amount of trying will rectify your supply of serotonin, therefore taking medication eventually balances it.

      I was ill for 15 long years.  I carried on in life, got married, had children, worked, holidayed, socialised, have hobbies, lived my life to the full and helped others ........ but nothing rectified my anxiety.  I went on holiday and took my anxiety with me, and when I came back it came with me.  I brought up my children and they gave me joy ..... yet I was looking at them through anxiety.

      When I started SSRI's this rectified my serotonin levels and I recovered.  I have been well for many, many years now.  

      Helping others does indeed bring joy, but if the problem is physical then medication is needed.  Diabetics have problems with their insulin, epileptics have problems with misfiring electrics - these people need medication and it's no different for people with anxiety and depression.  

      Counselling is indeed good and plays a big part in our healing, but if the problem is physical it will often remain so until fixed.

  • Posted

    Hi Bax

    This is my second time on these meds and this time around it took longer to heal.

    Intrusive thoughts leading to anxiety, feelings of guilt ..... it's all part of the illness, all part of everything - don't worry (famous last words), this is normal and I had them too.  They're very annoying, frightening at times, and they cause so much anxiety.  They will pass in time.  As the meds kick in all the intrusive fear producing thoughts will get put back into perspective and no longer bother you.

    This time around on meds it took me about 4 months to stop feeling the fear, then I seemed to get stuck in no man's land where I had no fear, no happiness, no nothing ....... in a sort of limbo.  That lasted about 3 months, and though it was better than feeling fearful, I found this part annoying.  Eventually it lifted and I started feeling happy again.

    Try not to think how long it's lasting - let it last, let it be there, as it'll sure want to do its thing.  Remind yourself though, that this is part of the illness, part of recovery, part of the medication and your body is simply going through the normal process.

    You will recover from this, hard as it may seem at the moment, but you will.  You recovered before, you know the meds work - trust in them.  Just keep reminding yourself that you're not well and this is simply part of which will disappear as you recover.

    K x


  • Posted

    Hi Bax, I am on week 7 and I too and still suffering from intrusive thoughts and excessive guilt. From what I have read this is a 'normal' part of starting citalopram and healing but I know how horrendous and hellish it is, so I am sending you my sympathies and best wishes. If you are not feeling any better in a couple of weeks I would suggest going back to your GP. Remember that the thoughts and guilt are a part of the illness and will get better in time. Good luck x x

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