Can anyone please help me

"I don't even care much about myself" why so? no one is better than you, take care of yourself and keep working everyday so you can distract yourself from over thinking. Believe me "Over thinking" is killing you!

Look, all you need is to have a goal, and if you make it, everything will change. for example get higher grades(that will make you smarter and have better choices)

change your diet make it healthy, drink water ( being healthy will make you calm and more peaceful around)

take B-complex it will make your brain healthier.

remove the suicide option, remember that you're alive for a reason, GO Find That REASON! , you can't find it by sitting and drowning in your own over thinking and delusions.

PRAY!! someone up there is there for you, for every one of us !

i hope you'll take my advice into consideration and believe me you'll be a better person someday!

Perhaps the first matter to deal with is that you are not alone. Many young people come out of school having had a bad experience. Bullying in school is still not being tackled although we are told that it is now on the agenda.

Next, I would like to know what about your family? Are they not a help to you?

One thing that stands out is your lack of confidence. This needs to change, and soon, before it starts to impact your future. Assertive training is a good way to gain confidence. This will give you a method of dealing with anybody and everybody. It helps you to stay calm, focus on what matters and then deliver your thoughts ina direct and positive way. No shouting, no crying. The more you use this the easier you will find it plus the benefits.

Wherever you live you can find out where and how to get this training; start by asking at your local council and/or GP. Do not give up. Somewhere there is this help for you, and it may have a different title so do not be afraid to explain briefly why you need help.

This facade you mention; what is it? As for friends then firstly you need one real, close friend. From what you say it seems to me that you will have to find someone new to fill that role. To do that get away from your normal environment - join a club in something that interests you, from the sit down chess type to the fast and furious team games. Something that you would like to do. That is an excellent way to find a new friend.

All those negative thoughts you mention need to be banished. This requires action. Get out in the fresh air fast walking or running. Give yourself targets so that you start easily and increase the pace and length over the coming weeks. Try to pick a route that has a lot of scenery which you will come to recognise and notice any changes. Then every time you go out start by thinking where you are going and what you expect to see. Keep mental pictures in your mind of what you know you are going to see and what it is like - that house with a broken gate, parked cars, the convenience store, bus shelters, common ground and so on. keep your mind active on everything around you and not thinking about yourself. Exercise is not only good for you but it gets you fit which is a good feeling. Now give this a try and come back here.

First its OK to be leery of people after all we dont know their motives. The thing is to make a few good friends you can LEARN to trust.Dont be in a rush...but DONT isolate...worse thing you can do...been there done that...I have suffered from some form or another of mental illness since I was young..I was bullied...but I came to realize they were the ones that had the problem not me..you sound very anxious...been there too I suffer from Todd due to a tragic incident when I was young...im now 58 and one of the best things u learned was to research research research...getting an understanding of whats happening to you as it actually happens is very helpful. This too shall pass...and it does. Im bipolar and suffer manic episodes sleep disturbance bad an phsycotic breaks...but I lead a pretty normal life because I know what's going on when it rears its head..Therepy is SO important..just like any major organ...heart liver kidneys...the brain can get sick.simply said..it may be harder to treat and you may have to try different things but it can be successfully treated.. I suggest you get involved with a peer group..here in Tennessee USA I go to a wellness center..its free and its fir people with issues like me...its nice to have people who understand because there is such a social stigma associated with any kind of mental illness..the right medication therepy peer support are important components in recovery. Also join a club a craft group.music...whatever interests you...Dont shun peoplw..not everyone is an assailed and if they are youll know it soon enough and you can just say see ya...the most important thing is too get the right treatment for your particular illness...I know when I start hallucinating after 6 days of no sleep I can say..well jude you are having a hallucination...put down the cookware an

And go lie down.. hope you find the answers you need...you are not alone..ever

One in four people suffer from depression and/or anxiety but we are all very good at hiding it. The probability is good therefore that some of the people you meet are also suffering quietly and hiding it or have had such experiences in the past. You are not on your own. There are millions of people who are feeling the same way as you, we just don't show it. World Health Authority figures are that over 27 million people are suffering from depression right now worldwide. That's a lot of people. It is actually a very normal and common thing for a human being to experience unfortuneatly. You will be fine. It is very, very common to have suicidal thoughts, but these are just thoughts, it doesn't mean that you have to do anything about them (otherwise 27 million people would be topping themselves, which they are not!) See your doctor, ask to see a therapist or counsellor. Be frank and honest about your feelings with them. There are many medications and therapies out there that can help. Get some help and you will be fine. Of course you don't trust people. why would you when you have been bullied? It is a natural defence to be so. But are you being bullied NOW (apart from bullying yourself)? So be kind and gentle with yourself. Lower your expectations of yourself. Yes, you have some issues to work out, welcome to the human race, but with the right help you can move on from this experience.

Get a diagnosis and remember depression is aPHYSIOLOGICAL illness. Don't let the stereotypes of "mental illness" fool  you. The brain is a major organ just like the heart lungs kidneys liver etc...it can get sick!  You've nothing to be ashamed of..peace Jude🎼