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I've come to this forum to see if anyone can relate to my situation. For almost 9 years since I was a young teenager I have suffered from what I can now say with more certainty is depression. I can say without a doubt that it is the worst thing I have ever experienced in my life. One of the main things that was keeping me in the cycle of depression was believing that I would never be able to stop feeling this way, that there was something intrinsically "wrong" with me and I was different from everyone else - these thoughts kept me stuck in it.
However, I am now on the road to recovery My priority now is reaching out to anyone who's ever felt this way. I think it's so important to release the stigma attached to depression that it's not a real illness or not as serious as others.
I've listed the symptoms I had below:
Feeling completely disconnected from myself and other people including family and loved ones. At times I wondered if I even still loved them.
Feeling ashamed of being like this, criticising myself for everything
Everything seems to be measured on a lower set of scales than everyone else in terms of mood ie. sadness feels 100% stronger than it would to a normal person, whereas happiness was almost "diluted".
I never truly got happy/excited/or looked forward to the smallest most trivial things like taking a bath, shopping or sleep.
Strong proccupation with the past
Seeing only negative things in life & negative in even the things that weren't there
Constantly afraid of interaction - for me, social anxiety went hand in hand with my depression
At my most depressive time a few years ago, I was on the train and looking out the window the trees seemed to sway. It was a horrendous experience and I believe it was due to my feeling so depressed with a vortex of thoughts swirling in my head.
Feeling completely useless and unimportant. I think this more than anything was the cause of my depression, but it's strange because I had a very normal childhood.
All in all, I think the fact that I am just a very sensitive person must've played a big part in triggering the depression. They also say that depression can sometimes have no cause, so I suppose I was one of those unlucky ones.
I'm getting better now though and I just wanted to know, can anybody relate to this, even slightly?
Thanks for reading, if you did.
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