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Can Depression/Anxiety make you think you don't love someone?

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chantal_76583
chantal_76583

Hello, thanks for reading and I apologize for the length. 

About a month and a half ago, something happened in my relationship (my fault) that kind of triggered (at first) an enormous amount of guilt.. which then subsided a little bit. I was good for a few days and then bam... "do I love him?" a thought so truly devastating and painful that I was crying all day. A man, so loyal...loving...caring...truly the love of my life. We have a relationship like you've never seen before. It's so unique and that's what makes it so special. But when these thoughts started... I truly feel like I've lost myself. These thoughts give me multiple breakdowns a week.. cause me to feel extremely overwhelmed everyday. I feel tired, exhausted.. I don't fantasize about my future anymore because the want to "live" is kind of gone. (Not a suicide threat).  Before all of this... my boyfriend made me so damn happy. Everyday, my love truly grew stronger for him. We talked about our future, and what we want. We have all of it in common.  I can still be sexual with him some days. But when I overthink and get these thoughts...I cannot. It's truly killing me because I don't want to end things with him... all I want to do is get back to being happy with him. I keep getting these intrusive thoughts like "do I love him" "what if I will feel like this forever and the only way to get better is if we leave each other". I cannot be without him.. everything we've talked about.. all the memories we made. He truly loved me to the core and I do too.. but these thoughts are killing me. When we're apart, like rn.. we sleep on the phone together every night and it's something I can't not do. I cry to him over the phone, explaining to him how much this is hurting me. He tries to understand to the best of his ability and he's as supportive as he can be. Could I be depressed and anxious? The first 2 weeks of this issue.. I was lying in bed all day all night.. I was sweating with a cold feeling and every noise I heart scared me and made my heart race. I did not eat, I did not sleep right. Just so many issues that have again, slowed down a bit. What should I do? 😞. The only time these feelings kinda go away is when I do things together with my boyfriend. When I'm alone and SOMETIMES with him, the thoughts hit me and I just want to cry. I don't feel free.. I feel trapped in a pool of my own thoughts trying to eat me alive. Please help me😞

18 likes, 222 replies

222 Replies

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  • sharlenafoster
    sharlenafoster chantal_76583

    Posted

    Hi Chantal,

    Anxiety or depression is just a kind of mental disorder that disturb you healthy mind completely. As you mentioned In your post that your relationship has ruined due to this anxiety problem. I've seen many a time in various forums and experienced myself also when I am depression then I am thinking various things about my relationship but you should completely avoid all this because you are not in the right state of your mind. So its better to engage itself into some of the interesting activities to refresh your mind and free from anxiety or depression. Proper medication and regular exercise can also help to reduce it.  

  • rose32914
    rose32914 chantal_76583

    Posted

    Hey!  I'm new to this site--I was perusing the internet in hopes of some PROPER information about relationship OCD and I stumbled across this.  I feel so much better knowing I am not a lone.  Two years ago, my boyfriend at the time and I were head-over-heels in love with each other.  One random night, a thought crossed my head "You don't love him". and that was it for me.  Panic attacks every day, every night until I broke up with him a month later.  After that, every guy I tried talking to was the same song and dance.  I have gotten slightly better, as I am with someone for three months.  Early in the relationship, I genuinely felt okay.  Like, I KNEW my feelings for him.  It wasn't until literally recently that I started to get those intrusive thoughts back.  I try to think of everything that was wrong with him and reasons why I may be thinking why I don't love him.  I talk to my best friend about this every night.  He reassures me that I love him because he sees the way I look at him.  I ask him if he ever thinks I didn't love him, if he would tell me.  He said yes.  He also told me if I'm worrying SO much, I love him  (I saw that above in the replies somewhere.  I was able to breathe)  Knowing that it is most likely anxiety, makes me happy.  Because he does nothing wrong.  He's funny, kind, sweet, gentle, etc.  I hope all of your situations have gotten better!  

  • chloe115678
    chloe115678 chantal_76583

    Posted

    I am feeling the exact same way! My thoughts started about a month ago and I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. I was the happiest I'd ever been after all the dark moments of my last relationship. But boom last month I was sat in a lecture and suddenly had a panic attack and had all these thoughts of 'you don't love him' ect started for no reason at all. I get upset and cry about this every single day as I know that I still love him more than anything and still want my future with him but I can't seem to shake of this numb feeling towards everything. I have spoken to him about this and he's understanding as much as he can. I guess my biggest worry is we are going on holiday a few times over the next month and I'm worried that if I still feel like this after them, then something is seriously wrong either with me or our relationship. I can't understand how I can be happy one day and the next feel so numb. I suffer with anxiety and depression and I have been on the contraceptive pill since November (ironically when I started becoming depressed and anxious). I have my therapy sessions soon and I am hoping that they will make a difference. I just want to feel how I used to, I've lost all excitement for upcoming holidays, finishing my degree and to be honest everything in life and I just feel so lost. I just want to feel myself again. I just want to be happy... 

    Don't worry you aren't alone on this one and reading this forum has given me some comfort and assurance that things are going to get better, I just really hope that it isn't too long of a wait  

  • genny70612
    genny70612 chantal_76583

    Posted

    Hey everyone! I've posted in this forum about 4 months ago.. I thought I was getting better, but everything has come back stronger than ever.. I feel like crying all the time, my anxiety is through the roof, "do I love him?" "what do I do?" questions are back into my head.. It's horrible. My partner has always been aware of this issue. I try not to bug him with it because I don't want to push him away and cause more problems. I went to see my doctor in February about this and she put me on Escitalopram Oxalate for about a month and a half.. I think it helped a little bit. She told me she only wanted to prescribe it to me this 1 time, so no refills. Anyway, I don't know what to do anymore. I was so so happy before with my bf, I was feeling fuzzy and lovey for 3 years almost 4 years and now, nothing. It's a horrible feeling.. very scary. I feel guilty because I know how much he loves me and I'm just completely numb.. I am looking into going to see a psychologist, because this is just tearing me apart.. How is everyone's else's progress on here? Any light at the end of the tunnel?

    • julia11858
      julia11858 genny70612

      Posted

      Hey Genny,

      how are things now? i am going through the same thing and i am freaking out, i dont know what do anymore.

      hope, you are getting better!

  • leslie54590
    leslie54590 chantal_76583

    Posted

    Hello, 

     Just think of him dating someone else after you if  how would that make you feel. 

    • leslie54590
      leslie54590

      Posted

      First define love again, it means you want to make the person happy, you care for him deeply. 

      You want to be better for that person. 

      You sacrifice. 

      That’s love. It’s not all comfort, fun and enjoyment. 

      You are just depress that is why maybe you are unable to feel joy or comfort when you are together. 

  • bac04730
    bac04730 chantal_76583

    Posted

    This discussion has literally given me so much relief. I have seen a forum like this before but I couldn’t reply to it because it was an Australian site. 

    I’ve been struggling with this since the end of last summer and it’s been getting worse and worse. I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years and he’s literally my everything so this is really hard for me and also hard on him as he’s finding it hard to understand. I really just want to try and find a way out of feeling like this as I’m so unbeleiveably confused about it all as before I had it I was so so happy.  We’ve never had any problems before, never argued or anything so it’s so upsetting that this is even happening. 

    Has anyone found a way out of it? I’m worried that even if it does go away through counselling it may return later in life? 

    Everything to do with relationships triggers it and I don’t know why. Like if some talks about marriage/divorce/breakups it’s just so frustrating!!! 

    I know I love him so much and want to be with him forever so why am I feeling like this? I have been to 3 counselling sessions with 2 people. One of them was helpful and the other wasn’t at all. She actually made me feel worse because she said it’s my subconscious telling me that I don’t want to be with him and I wasn’t being true to myself. This wasn’t nice so I did stop having her and I’m going to have the other lady again.

    We just went on holiday with a load of couples and I had it really bad and when I came home I decided maybe we needed a break. Which lasted not even 24hrs because I found this forum! I couldn’t do it, it didn’t feel right and I thought I was going to wake up and not be anxious and I wasn’t. 

    Has anyone got any advice? I really want this to go awaysad 

    • louise101078
      louise101078 bac04730

      Posted

      Are you on any meds? 

      I’m currently experiencing it from my partner who felt the same way you do. We are in about week 10 now and I’d like to say things are improving for us. 

      The only advice I can give is take a step back and get to know each other again which is what we did. 

      And try to see all the good things you love about your partner. It’s just a super slow process but if you didn’t care you wouldn’t be on here.

      Hope you feel better real soon 

    • bac04730
      bac04730 louise101078

      Posted

      No I’m not, that was my very last resort as I’m still trying to come to terms with what this actually is. Is your parter on medication? 

      Yeah I mean we still have good times together don’t get me wrong and I’m still loving towards him because it feels right but there’s just always this cloud over it all and I just wish it would go sad 

      Thank you for your advice 

    • louise101078
      louise101078 bac04730

      Posted

      Yes he is on meds and there was definitely a lift after 4 weeks, he also didn’t want to go on them but he wanted to do anything to feel better as I’m sure you do, maybe just give yourself 6 months on them?? 

      I hope you feel better soon. 

      Try meditation too my partner does it each night before bed and it helps him, he’s also started taking vitamins and trying to eat healthier. 

    • bac04730
      bac04730 louise101078

      Posted

      Yeah I mean my doctor did prescribe me them after 2 visits to the doctors and I just thought it was to soon to decide that I should be on them so I never picked them up. Maybe I’ll see how counselling goes and then try them. I just worry about what would happen when I come off them as there are a lot of side effects. 

      Thanks for your advice I really appreciate it! 

    • chloe115678
      chloe115678 bac04730

      Posted

      I had my first councelling session today and mine all stems back to having a mentally abusive relationship and depression, they have suggested I do councelling and go on antidepressants. Hope your okay cab04730 x
    • bac04730
      bac04730 chloe115678

      Posted

      Oh sorry to hear that, at least they have found a route of the problem and can work on that! 

      I’ve never had anything bad like that happe to me, we’ve been together since we were 15 and haven’t had any problems until this so I don’t get where it’s comjnf from. The only thing I can think of is uni which did effect me, I was home sick all the time and hated it? But I don’t see why that would give me it because my was a massive bf was a massive support for me at that time. 

      Hope your okay x

    • chloe115678
      chloe115678 bac04730

      Posted

      Are you in the process of getting help for it? I was surprised that the cause of mine was because of an ex boyfriend being mentally abusive. The first step of seeing a councillor has definitely helped. That could be whats caused it for you, but we can only hope this won't last forever. 

    • bac04730
      bac04730 chloe115678

      Posted

      I’ve got counselling in a few weeks. I have good days and bad days and I’m guessing you do to? Yeah I am praying there is a way out of this because I don’t know what I’ll do and it wouldn’t be fair on my boyfriend either. 

      I just think it’s the weirdest thing!! 

    • kingi
      kingi louise101078

      Posted

      Hey guys, could you suggest anything?

       

      We only were together for a short period. On the first date he told me he was on antidepressants but he was on a good form and for weeks we had a great time and he was telling me how I made him happy, etc.

      A few weeks in he was changing his meds and was quieter than usually (financial worries) but things between us seemed  ok.

      I’m a little feisty and last time I saw him I caused an argument out of he blue:I was enquiring why he liked so much his hot girl friend’s pics on insta (I don’t think there was anything going on because she lives in another country so that’s my insecurity more that anything). He didn’t engage in the argument just left my flat, but I think that triggered something in him. He apologised for acting the way he acted and I said sorry as well. But he never responded to my text I sent the next day and when I texted again 3 days later he responded that he wasn’t ok, cared only about himself and didn’t care when I had concerns about the  girl. I apologised that I was silly and that I will be there for him but he said he didn’t want me to be there for him and that he needed to be alone and he needed to focus on himself and that he didn’t care.  Since then we’ve  had no contact it’s been a week.

      I miss him the old him. Not sure if its a good idea to break the silence. Would you advise me anything?

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