Can somebody help me witb my anxiety and depression?
Posted , 2 users are following.
For the past three months I've been getting panics attacks almost every two days. It feels like I'm losing pieces of myself again. I have the feeling of suffocation and chocking and the feeling of going insane. My panic attacks also make me feel really depressed, while I'm such an outgoing person who loves to travel and is really optimistic with a bright future. I need someone to understand that I'm not ok and I need help. I'm balling my eyes out almost everyday, having the choking/suffocation feeling. I'm really losing myself trying to kill the monster inside of me and I don't know what to do anymore. I want to be cured. I can't live with these feelings nomore. I'm not going to kill myself nor harm myself (just to be clear), but I really have the urge to just die, and not feel this anymore.
Important Background Info:
-I'm only like this when I have a panic attack
-I'm not capable of being in a relationaship, don't know why.
-My parents divorced (when I was 4)
-My biological father kept making promises about seeing me, which he obviously broke a thousand times.I miss him though, really really bad. No memories of him btw, this has daily a really big impact on my life(promises lasted from when I was 4 to 7) never seen him after that nor his family.
-My brother went living with my father so I hadn't seen him in years (went away when I was 7 came back when I was 14)
- I've been a victim of domestic violence (someone else was harmed, not me. For 2 years)
- I've been depressed from age 12-14, feeling totally nothing. Totally lost myself.
-My "stepdad" cheated 4 times.
-19 people have broke my trust really bad (including god, and yea I know that sounds weird lol)
-My mother is not capable of understanding my thoughts.
-I'm not going to harm nor kill myself no matter how bad the situation gets.
-I have a desire to run away for about 8 years.
-I've never had any meds for panic attacks or depression.
I've had anxiety attacks since I was 9. When I was younger I had this intense fear of going to die, I didn't know what anxiety was back then. My mom made me see a psychologists. The psychologists used EMDR which really worked back then. EMDR has pros and cons for me, my brain deletes kind off the memory during the EMDR sessions. So I'll forget about the memory that I'm thinking of during the EMDR session. This had a really good effect on me when I was younger, because I couldn't/can't remember any feelings I had back then. However I'm older now (16) and I have school and work going on, really important things are happening. I need my focus, so EMDR is no option.
I hope someone can help me, cause honestly I'm scared to lose myself or lose control which happend before. I get really mad at myself, making up all those stupid reasons for what a bad person I am. and then when I'm alone (don't eant to hurt anyone) I get really angry, trowing with stuff and wanting to scream.
0 likes, 2 replies
neil-norfolk alenamv
Posted
Hello Alenamv.
Yes the symptoms you describe are all classic signs of "anxiety" , i know as i suffer from those symptoms on a regular basis.
If you visit your GP / Doctor they can help and will make you an appointment with the “Well Being” service and you can also be referred to a counsellor.
I know it is scary and daunting to seek help and of course there is a stigma attached to mental health, most people out there do not like to talk about it and so it is all too easy for others to brush aside and quickly change the subject , they do not have time or really want to deal with people like me and you regarding our complex mental health issues.
?It is not easy to make the first step to get help but it is worth doing and you are not alone with this problem, the best therapy i have found for mental health issues is to talk about it with others that know what you are going through , this is the most important step you can take to break the cycle of anxiety and depression from my experience over the last two years.
Hope this helps you further , Neil.
alenamv neil-norfolk
Posted
Thanks, for your reaction! The thing is I already talked about it with proffesionals and people with experience or people close to me with panic attacks for over 4/5 years. I just need something that cures me and since talking doesn't I needed to know if there are any other ways.