Posted , 4 users are following.
Hi all,
I've had episodes of depression for about 10 years; I had an eating disorder for about 3-4 years of this and lately (about the past year) have had signs of body dysmorphic disorder (BDD). About a fortnight ago, I was having such an awful time with my low mood and BDD so I decided it was time to book in and see my GP- something I don't like doing because I hate talking about my depression.
I couldn't get an appointment until today but I cancelled the appointment last night as for the past 5 days I've felt fine. I do this a lot where I get a spell of feeling fine and that I would be wasting the GPs time visiting them when I felt okay, I think it's a fear that they won't believe my depression if I don't go in my absolute worst state. It sounds silly I know but all I can think about it "what would they actually do for me?" I was referred to talking therapy/CBT last year and this didn't help me at all so this isn't something I want to take up again.
I've also had an aversion to accepting medication because of the many side effects- I always tell myself that a drug with so many side effects would surely make the depression worse? I already know what drug I would like to take if I were to ever go on antidepressants and that would be Prozac; my history with eating disorder, the worst thing I could imagine is putting on any weight and my research in Prozac showed that people didn't experience weight gain with this. The other reason being it is a good drug option for moderate depression and OCD (which is typically the same way they treat BDD)
However, there are a few side effects that concern me and I just wanted to know if anyone can tell me whether the side-effects are lasting or if they ever go away? The main side-effects that concern me are;
- Insomnia, as I already suffer with my sleep because of the depression;
- Seizures, I've read some reports of people having seizures on prozac? I'm a scuba diver so this wouldn't bode well for me if this was a common side effect
- Difficulties sexually / arousal / orgasm, I don't want to get tmi but orgasms aren't be all end all for me, as long as I can enjoy sex I don't really mind not having an orgasm, I already struggle with this anyway because of my depression anyway but if I'm already struggling sexually then will prozac make this much worse? I really don't want to affect my physical relationship with my partner as we're both very close.
I just wish I could predict when these moods were going to come about so that I could see a Dr when it's there otherwise I don't feel like I 'deserve' their time
0 likes, 3 replies
hypercat chloe08393
Posted
Hi my advice is to make a list of all your symptoms and decide what you are going to ask the doctor and what you would expect her/him to do. Then make your appointment. It is probably easier if you are feeling better to explain it rather than waiting until you feel ill again.
As far as meds goes all the medical professionals can do for you is offer these and/or counselling. If you don't want any of these then there is no purpose in going. There is the self help route such as mindfulness, meditation and yoga etc. so maybe google these?
All meds have side effects even aspirin - does that mean you wouldn't take even that? Most people will only get the common and mild side effects if they get any at all. There is no reason to suppose you would get the much rarer and more serious ones is there? Meds can be an aid to help you feel a bit better and more able to tackle your issues with counselling. There are lots of different types of counselling and you may be able to find one which would help you. x
wayne1962 chloe08393
Posted
Hi Chloe - indecision is another symptom of depression. I had rare days when I felt 'normal' and naively thought the depression had fled for good. Decades of this ridiculous notion all buried under a condition that was not going to resolve itself. My self-talk telling me to suck it up, take it like a man, you've made it this far, etc. Denial giving this illness a home trashing any peace and running wild in my head. The result? Addictions to self-medicate, intimacy problems, homelessness, a death wish - just to escape, to rest. The epilogue? A clarifying incident, a realisation that I had to intelligently deal with this, that it wouldn't change unless I changed it, that it was a death sentence if I didn't fight it, that I had a job to learn about this disease, and that I had to surrender to the professionals because there was no other avenue left to me. It hasn't been easy - nothing worthwhile is.
Fear manipulated me, fear of the truth. Fact is, the truth is the gateway to understanding which will provide answers. Side effects can be managed. Dosages can be tweaked. Other meds can be substituted or added if necessary. It's a journey to find what works for you - because nothing else has worked, has it?
chloe08393 wayne1962
Posted
No, nothing else has worked- but the prospect of being on medication, or multiple medications for that matter, for the rest of my life doesn't sound like a great outcome either. My mother has suffered with depression for a very long time and to this day is still on anti-depressive medications, upped and brands switched over the years, she says they don't make her happy by any means. If anything she's a little numb to most feelings, so I think; when I get days that I feel normal, dare I say happy, will those feelings however temporary and fleeting they are be gone entirely if I become burdened by side-effects of medication.
These meds designed to help us only seem to have side effects that would make many symptoms I'm already feeling much worse; insomnia, strange dreams, headaches, feeling anxious, decreased sex drive and difficulty having an orgasm. These side effects are listed as "common" and that's not even the complete list. I know it sounds like I'm expecting a miracle but most of the time I feel like that's what I need.
I think my fear and indecision is about whether or not medicine will make me feel better or make me feel worse, if they make me feel worse I'd rather just deal with the depression, if they make me feel better of course I'd snap them up in a pinch. Ultimately if they didn't work, what hope would I have left other than to feel that I'll be sick for the rest of my life?
I don't think I'm strong enough to take my own life, luckily these feelings are quite rare and only niggle at me in my absolute worst states- even then I don't think I could do it I'm too scared and I'm aware enough to know I'd only be hurting people more, as much as I equally believe I would free them from their burden of me.
Right now, I'm doing okay, I've been doing a little bit of over-analysing of myself but not as bad as some days. The sun is shining which has already made the day slightly more positive. I'm seeing my partner later who's very good at keeping my mind occupied and away from myself. Today is one of those good, normal days, and as you said- I naively believe if could potentially go on like this forever and I would love for that to be the case. I just don't know what to do. Try the medication, risk it not working, want to come off it but be told to stick it out and put on more medication to 'counteract' other side effects, wind up with more side effects and end up with a hefty prescription fee popping 3 or 4 pills for the rest of my life. Or do try it and start to feel the way that I'm feeling today on a more regular basis? Being the pessimist I am, I don't see that being the case, more of a hope.
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