Can someone please help our stepdaughter is self harming she’s been living with us for about 3 weeks

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Twixxxo
2

Our stepdaughter has been with us for about 3 weeks now we've not seen her for 6 year before this. To cut a very long story short she has lots of problems but we have only just found out about the self harming. Can anyone please give me some advice xxo

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9 Replies

  • Posted

    oh no, poor girl, and poor you, too. Has she been getting any professional help with the other problems that you mention? It's so hard to know where to start, isn't it? I know I started to SH as a way of releasing painful emotions.

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    • Posted

      Hi yes its really hard, no shes not getting any help yet she was but shes moved away to be with us her mam kicked her out her stepdad tried it on with her and her mam took his side. I'm just worried I'm not up to the job but staying where she was just would not have worked for her.

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  • Posted

    oh no, poor girl, and poor you, too. Has she been getting any professional help with the other problems that you mention? It's so hard to know where to start, isn't it? I know I started to SH as a way of releasing painful emotions.

    Report Reply
  • Posted

    How old is she? There may not be much you can do if she is an adult. Have you confronted her?

    My niece did this for about 8 years . she was 14 when it started. she finally stopped on her own. I think she stopped because she did not hide it and maybe her friends showed disapproval.

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    • Posted

      hi shes 17 but will be 18 in a couple of weeks as far as I know she's been self harming since she was about 13. shes only been with us for about 4 weeks ive had her at the D'rs today she is getting referred the only problem is by time she gets the appointment she will be 18 and an adult so will have to do it all again.

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  • Posted

    How old is she? There may not be much you can do if she is an adult. Have you confronted her?

    My niece did this for about 8 years . she was 14 when it started. she finally stopped on her own. I think she stopped because she did not hide it and maybe her friends showed disapproval.

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  • Posted

    Hi Twixxxo I'm sorry to hear this. This is a sensitive subject for me, as I use to self harm when I was teenager. It started when I was 16 (I'm 26 now) and the last time I done it was when I was 22. I now have scars on my arm that will never go away.

    The most important thing to do it to get the route of the problem-WHY is she doing this? Going off the rails and shouting at her (I'm not saying you do) is deffo not the right way to go about this. The reason I stated was a combination of things but mainly due to an unexpected close family member's death. My mum found a website called moodjuice which helped me understand what was wrong and why I was doing this. Its a very complex and sensitive topic as everyone who does it has their own reason, and at the time of doing it there is a sense of release from whatever psychological pain is being felt.

    As a survivor, I have to say its does NOT help in the long term. It only leaves you with scars that may never go away, and it is also dangerous as deep cuts could lead to infections (i recommend aloe vera gel and bio oil to help with scarring). As I said before, each individual has their own personal reasons for it but I went to see a councillor which helped. Sometimes its easier to talk to a stranger. Self harming is not a sign of attention seeking, or being weak. This is a mental health issue. If you can get to the route of the problem and try to work from there. Even if she can express all her emotions into a different form-for me i decided to write. I kept a journal of how I was feeling. I wrote stories and poems. Taking up a sport or hobby or even going for peaceful walks in the woods with my dog also helped for me.

    I hope this will all help. Its important to remember; after the storm a rainbow always appears 😃 Stay positive and just be really supportive and if you can have a big cheesy heart to heart and have a big cry that is okay too.

    xox

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    • Posted

      Hi Thank you so much for your reply i think she was about 14 when she started shes coming up to 18 now, I think its been on and off over the years . We've not been in touch for 6 years & has only just moved in with us in the last 4 weeks. The route of the problem is he mam. Her mam kicked her out and has not spoke to her for 6 month's but since she's been here her mam has been ringing her but its making her worse. I've had her to the Dr's but have to wait to get her referred to see a specialist but because shes 17 she has to see a child specialist but in 2 weeks shes 18 and then will have to see an adult specialist its going to take time. I'm tryin to understand and give her all the love her mother didn't I kniw her mam kicked off with her when she found out but I've not but I am upset she has so many problems i don't know where to turn. I'll have a look for moodjuice and I'll get her some aloe vera and bio oil

      Thank you again xxo

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    • Posted

      hi Twixxxo not a problem i am happy to help! Sounds like you need to speak to her mum and tell her that your stepdaughter needs a stable and positive enviroment and if shes phoning up and kicking off etc then theres no way she can get better-it will set her recovery back. she has an illness and when someone is unwell then family does what they can to make that person get better 😃 mental illness is no different x

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