Can't cope

Posted , 3 users are following.

I have Borderline persoanality disorder with PTSD , depression and anxiety .I have a partner who changed after 18 months he became a complete a**e and bully to me ( found out he was taking steroids ).He has once again changed back to how he used to be most of the time (now off steroids )however when we row he still likes to bring up my past ie my ex husband who is father of my children and my ex bf .I've not had many partners in my life due to being a complete mess most of the time .The one thing that makes me so anxious is football days I'm so scared he is going to bump into my ex bf there and give me grief he says I went out with s**t and deserved all I got .The anxiety starts on a tuesday which I score at 6 , weds 7 so by saturday it's a 10  .He has made me feel I'm not good enough for anyone even not good enough to share the same air as everyone .I have been told I need to put in bounderies to be able to cope with the just incase he bumps into my ex .I'm a mess every other Saturday more so at the moment due to the amount of football going on I take  3 x Diazepam and 2 x betablockers by the time 2pm has arrived  this only takes the edge off things I'm crippled with the anxiety I can't eat I can't function until I know he has left the football ground  .I think I'm going mad I know most people would say get rid of him but i have been belittled so much by him I'm actually beliving all the horrendous things he has said I'am .We all have a past I think his makes me look a complete angel 

0 likes, 4 replies

Report / Delete

4 Replies

  • Posted

    Get rid walk out that door hold ur head up high and don't look back this man is knocking ur confidence so much you are now doubting yourself ur life could be so much better take care x
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Be careful taking the diazapam I was taking 6mg a day not a lot I know but now I'm suffering as I'm withdrawing and feel terrible
    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hello Melissa.

    If I was your friend and in confidence I told you all the things that you just shared with us...What advice would you give me???

    I think you would tell me that I had been trodden down so much and made to believe that I was worthless and so was staying in a situation because I had been made to feel inferior,like I couldn't do any better.

    I think you would also tell me that I had been through enough in my life and overcome so much that I should start thinking of myself as a wonderful strong women who deserved to be treated like gold. You would tell me to set my bar higher because you could see in me what I was unable to see in myself.

    And lastly I think you would ask me to get myself out of this abusive, manipulative,controlling relationship.

    I am not your friend Hun,I don't know you but I do know what it's like to be dragged down so far that you feel that you are getting all you deserve. I know what it's like to be scared and vulnerable and I know what it's like having to face the prospect of leaving somebody and going it alone.

    The anticipation of making that move away is far bigger and scarier than the actual act of doing it. When I finally walked away I felt liberated and free. My anxiety and fear dropped to nearly nothing. I felt happiness and contentment enter my life and I felt strong.

    Maybe now is not the time for you,maybe you haven't got to the point where you feel that this is a option for you but I would urge you to start thinking of it for your future. Work on boosting yourself up. Positive self talk. Start putting him in his place,being defiant and letting him know that you will only take so much of this because if you where all he says you are,then it doesn't say much for him does it......staying with somebody who he believes all this stuff about.

    The truth is,,,he doesn't think this......then words he says are just to push you lower and lower. I think this says more about his own self esteem.......He knows he can't do better but he won't admit that. By dragging you further down,he knows that you will stick with him thinking that he's the best you can do.

    I do hope you find your way Hun. It just takes one brave tiny step.........

    Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Thank you Gillian 

    I need to keep telling myself some of the things you have written  

    Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up