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Can't even look myself in the mirror anymore.

Posted , 8 users are following.

melissa_43298
melissa_43298

Really going threw some tough times. I dated a guy ( that cheated on me ) and the first time we had sex afterwards it burnt really bad. And I went home later that night I started to run a fever I took some medicine and slept it off. Couple days went by and it got bad I couldn't go to the bathroom at all, had some bumps appear and ran a fever felt horrible. I got tested and my results came back negative. Few weeks went by I ended up having a UTI and bladder infection . They put me on meds and my bumps went away so did the UTI and bladder infection. After I found the messages and broke up with my boyfriend I got tested and they came back positive 1 n 2.. I asked to get re tested and my gyno said no that I had bumps inside me. Now I feel like complete trash. I'm scared I'll never be able to be loved again. I feel like my world ended. I'm better off dead. I feel like everyone that looks at me knows but I haven't told anyone. I'm so sick to my stomach .. would it be worth testing again?! Someone give me thoughts

0 likes, 12 replies

12 Replies

  • ashley78942
    ashley78942 melissa_43298

    Posted

    You’re not trash, but I understand how you feel completely. I tested positive for hsv-1 with a swab test but negative by blood. Even though I now know I have it & have to deal with it, I know I’m still going to ask to be tested by blood again in a few months. My boyfriend broke up with me before I even got my results back, as soon as I told him that’s what I thought it was he left & denied it could be from him. Iv done a ton of research on the disease now that I know I have it & some of it has actually put my mind at ease. Dating for me at this point is still completely out because I don’t want to have the conversation with anyone, but I know one day I’ll have to & I pray I find someone who will deal with it. I know there are guys out there who will because I only told 3 people (my mom, my ex who gave it to me & another ex I’m still close to) the ex I’m still close to did the research & would still love to be with me even with this horrible disease. Don’t give up hope 

    • ruby10272
      ruby10272 ashley78942

      Posted

      You are both amazing people. When I was first diagnosed with type 2 I thought my whole world was over. I'll never know if my ex or the guy that took advantage of me after I broke up with my bf gave it to me. 

      It is a tough journey to see yourself as beautiful again. There are times where you will feel like trash. But you have to know that you are not. Your disease does not define who you are. You will get through this. 

      Just like ashley and myself you will find someone who will love you and still want to be with you. But in order to do that you need to learn to love yourself again first. I am always here if you want to talk. I have told many other people and experienced all reactions (one literally ran away from me). 

      It does get better. You matter. 

    • melissa_43298
      melissa_43298 ashley78942

      Posted

      My mind is ease but still going nuts and messing with me. But it was pretty obvious. After me and my ex had sex It felt horrible down there and Bam the next day I woke up and I felt horrible, couldn't go to the bathroom what so ever and day after day I got more bumps and it was the same bumps he had and when I told him he yelled at me and I asked to see his dick and he said those bumps where from pulling panties down rough and s**t which I don't believe u don't get bumps by that.. I've told my mom and my sister and I cannot even think how hard it would be to talk to a guy I really like and tell him what I have and him run. My heart would shatter. My heart sunk when they told me my results. I feel like trash some days . Other days I'm able to say everything's gonna be okay and I take a pill every day. It's just rough but that's true love right there

    • melissa_43298
      melissa_43298 ruby10272

      Posted

      Thank u Ruby same here message me anytime , u guys made me feel a little bit better.
    • ruby10272
      ruby10272 melissa_43298

      Posted

      I am so glad that I could make you feel a little bit better Melissa. 

      I am so sorry that you had to go through all of this. It is something I wouldn't even wish upon my worst enemy. 

      It all takes time. It will get easier but don't get me wrong you are going to have your down days. And there is nothing wrong with that at all. The stigma that is attached to this disease is honestly ridiculous. 

      Don't let the thought of what people would say stop you from being you. This disease does NOT define who you are and what you stand for. 

      I find that taking the tablet every day also eases my mind knowing that another outbreak isn't looming around the corner. 

  • matt48719
    matt48719 melissa_43298

    Posted

    Melissa keep your chin up. My gf has the virus and she is the love of my life! You will be fine regardless of how dire it seems right now.  Give yourself a little time and gather yourself,  it’s not going to be a thing when you meet the right guy. It isn’t even an issue with us and it is no part of how I see her.  
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