Can't go back there

Posted , 3 users are following.

Last year I spent three weeks in a psychiatric unit under section. It was the worst three weeks of my life. I didn't want to go into hospital of course, but when I realised I couldn't stop it.. I thought "maybe when I come out I'll be feeling better, and my life will finaly start". How wrong was I.

I was broken into pieces when I was taken to the ward, and broken into even smaller pieces when I left. I've still not got over the experience, nor processed what when on in there. The whole time I was there I kept telling myself "I'm never going to end up back in one of these places again.. I'm never going to end up back in one of these places again".

Now I feel like that's exactly what's going to happen. I feel worse than ever. My depression has sunk lower and lower. And the voices are getting louder and louder, and there's more of them and I can see all the sound waves racing around and colliding.

I can see the air moving all around me, like it's watching me. Everything is watching me all the time. I think they're trying to keep an eye on what I'm upto.

All this just makes me feel worse and added to the fear of ending up back in hospital.. I'm really scared right now. And so so depressed..

Will it ever end

1 like, 5 replies

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5 Replies

  • Posted

    Hi inmate

    you sound very poorly right now, I honestly think you need some additional medical support right now.

    I know you past experience of being sectioned has left you feeling reluctant to reach out for help, but it's really important that you do. Please pick up your phone and contact your medical contacts. Don't suffer needlessly inmate, get the help you need.

    god bless


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  • Posted

    Your whole story sounds similar to mine except it happened 3 years ago at the ward. I also went in with the bold impression that I will be better as soon as I was released but that couldn't be far from the truth. I deteriorated and slid a steep slope downwards and never fully recovered. In all true sense the period of stay at the ward left me in shock and still in that phase today.

    I remember the voice within me telling me I was going to die in there because of the shock my body went spirally into.

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  • Posted

    But if I ask for help then that means they win, they've beaten me. I can't take being beat down anyomre. And what if they send me back to hosptial? I really cant cope with the trauma of all that again. It's horrific. Truly horrific. They don't even help you in hospital, they just drug you up to keep you quiet.. and even when patients do kick off, the staff just stand by and watch patients hurt themselves. Literally.

    Psych hospitals are the last place to expect help from, in my experience. Tamanna is this what you found?

    Everything is so loud here and so bright. Even though I'm laying in the dark. Everything is magnified and everything hurts. I don't know how to control it anymore

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  • Posted

    Get an emergency appointment with your gp. What meds do you take? Do you take anything else recreationally?
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  • Posted

    I'm scared that if I contact my psychiatrist or CPN then they will send me back to hospital and I can't go back there. It just makes things worse.

    I take an antipsychotic, an antidepressant and an anxiolytic, and no I don't take any recreational drugs.

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