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I've been struggling for the past few years with feelings of inadequecy, and that's led me to create a false image of myself to project, as a form of protection maybe. But since I've been home from university for the summer, I've fallen into a very dark place. I've had suicidal thoughts, but the worst part is that I have this feeling that I know I'm not ~that person (not to sound disrespectful, but I just never seriously considered or had those thoughts before).
I found out my results from my second year, and I didn't do too well and I know this is my fault. I struggled throughout second year because I withdrew, and tried to distract myself from dealing with my life. I feel as though I'm just destorying every chance of normalcy, and fear failure and at the same time, I struggle to apply myself in a way to ensure I succeed.
It just feels as though I hold no true significance in the world, and that it doesn't benefit from my being in it. I feel lost, as though the world I once knew, is not the one I'm in right now.
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