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Can't picture myself in the world.

Posted , 3 users are following.

Milime
Milime

I've been struggling for the past few years with feelings of inadequecy, and that's led me to create a false image of myself to project, as a form of protection maybe. But since I've been home from university for the summer, I've fallen into a very dark place. I've had suicidal thoughts, but the worst part is that I have this feeling that I know I'm not ~that person (not to sound disrespectful, but I just never seriously considered or had those thoughts before).

I found out my results from my second year, and I didn't do too well and I know this is my fault. I struggled throughout second year because I withdrew, and tried to distract myself from dealing with my life. I feel as though I'm just destorying every chance of normalcy, and fear failure and at the same time, I struggle to apply myself in a way to ensure I succeed.

It just feels as though I hold no true significance in the world, and that it doesn't benefit from my being in it. I feel lost, as though the world I once knew, is not the one I'm in right now.

1 like, 4 replies

4 Replies

  • lynda70899
    lynda70899 Milime

    Posted

    Try not to be so hard on yourself.  Speak with your parents about how you are feeling or a dr / counsellor.  You need to share what is going on in your head. Talking does help.  Perhaps meds but I would speak to your dr about this.

    take good care.

    lynda

  • jayne10080
    jayne10080 Milime

    Posted

    Too much pressure to be the best at everything you do.? What are other peoples expectations for you? Do you feel that you have to be good at everything you do?, or is that a pressure put upon you by outside sources. When I experienced this feeling of not belonging or fitting in..I felt like I was on the outside looking in, on life continuing and I was just a spectator. Being surrounded by people, friends family yet feeling so alone...I am not implying the same but mine was triggered by trauma which then was explained to me about disassociative disorder.....maybe read up on that a little..Its basically overload so you remove yourself from the situation. You don,t choose to remove yourself your brain will do that for you automatically...The hardest part is reconnecting, this is where some talking therapies can help...." I feel lost, as though the world I once knew, is not the one i,m in right now " For me that speaks volumes. Please speak to your G.P and repeat the above sentence.. Sorry that I cannot offer more..Take care jx
  • jayne10080
    jayne10080 Milime

    Posted

    Hi there Milime just wanted to know how you are feeling now? I think we all have felt lost at some point in our lives and yet seem to find ourselves again..I would just like to add most of us at some point have had thoughts of suicide, just because we have these thoughts does not mean that is what will happen. I know its difficult but start being the real you, not the person you think you should be just to please....I did exactly that had this persona that I was a rock that nothing phased me...agony aunt to the world,. when in actual fact I was a fraud because I had already pressed the self destruct button on my life . It was only when I decided to tell the world how desperate my situation had become ...taking drugs....refusing to leave the house or answer the phone...Only then did I realise im not here to be all to everyone, im not invinsible ..I was miserable depressed I did not know how to cry or how to self soothe I had completely lost myself, I did not recognise the face looking back at me....I found myself when I accepted myself warts and all.....sorry for the waffle...I do hope that you are ok because you are worthy of happiness..Take care jx
  • Digsby
    Digsby Milime

    Posted

    Hi Milime,

    I can relate to yhose feelings of inadequacy. There are things I am good at and used to excel but I've always found ways to belittle these achievements (sometimes made worse by other's attitudes andf negative comments). You are who you are - a very special and unique individual, a beautiful soul who has a contribution to make to this journey through life and a positive impact to make on those around you. The negative spiral can force us almost into self-destructive (or self-sabotaging) tendencies - we fear failure so much that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Please focus on the positives in your life because you can build on these and they will carry you forward. You are obviously an intelligent, articulate and beautiful person. Believe in yourself and don't take any notice of the doubters and haters in your life (this is more a reflection of them than you). When we experience self-doubt and self-hate, these are just thoughts (very powerful ones I admit) but they don't have to be your reality, and your actions can negate their power. Please don't give up. Perhaps your university can offer you some counselling. Find something that you enjoy or excel at and indulge yourself often. I have found mindfulness to be a big help in countering my suicidal thoughts. Google it and you will find lots of helpful stuff about "mindfulness".

    Please keep posting and let us know how you get on. Life is precious. Take care.

    Big hug. Digsby xx

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