can't stand the thought of being alone

Posted , 6 users are following.

Hi, I've been with my current partner now for almost 4 years, recently things haven't been going so well and I've suggested that we just call it a day.

I've been fine the last 2 days but tonight I've been overwhelmed with the dread of being alone and loosing him

He is currently on the sofa but all I want to do is go and give him a huge cuddle and tell him everything is fine between us when I know it isn't and being with him has lead to multiple depressive moments this past year.

I know deep down I'd be better off without him but can never bring myself to that point, even now I feel so guilty just writing that.

I just don't know what to do an

1 like, 15 replies

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    , .

    ? .* and I could really use some sound advice. Why do I feel this way?

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    • Posted

      you feel this way because you are in love but it isn't perfect for you at the moment.  Don't do anything rash with anyone else.  Talk to one another and see if you can work it out.
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    • Posted

      Thank you for the advice Richard but we've been in the same situation more times than I can count, where just being with his has made me really depressed so we've tried again and again just to end up back at the same point every time.

      I honestly just don't have the mental capacity or the emotional strength to deal with it anymore.

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    • Posted

      men are not generally good listeners and are not too empathetic.  Women score better at these skills.  Maybe he does not want to know or find out about your illness. Or maybe you might be hard on him so he feels he doesn't have a chance in the relationship.  Which is it?

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  • Posted

    Maybe you need to do something else, like traveling. You can visit me here in Brazil :P
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  • Posted

    Maybe it's just hard to think of being alone because you've become codependent? https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Codependency

    Could you surround yourself with a support network of friends & family apart from the relationship?

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    • Posted

      Thanks Mollu, I do have plenty of family but we don't really see each other and due to my depression and not being able to get out a lot I only have maybe 2 real friends.

      I feel like such a loner all the time and I've even convinced myself that if we go ahead with this break up then I'll end up spending the rest of my life alone.

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    • Posted

      I feel like a loner too & like I'll end up alone. Maybe that's the depression? It helps me to push myself to volunteer with kids & take my mom out to do things like visit an art gallery. Anything to take your mind off the sadness really. Though some days I want to stay in bed. Maybe being alone isn't so bad when you have a routine & obligations to distract you? Maybe a therapist would help in terms of dissecting the relationship further? I hope things improve for you smile

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  • Posted

    Dannie, you're frightened of being without a partner, so you're trying to find reasons to stay with this one.

    Be strong and split up. You'll find someone else.

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    • Posted

      Thanks Tess, it's actually so weird because tats what I've been telling myself for ages but thought it was just the depression talking.

      It's reassuring to see someone else has said the same thing.

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  • Posted

    You've got to question whether you love your partner or whether you just love the reassurance of having a partner.  

    ?If you do love him so much that you can't imagine being with anyone else, then you can work things out if you're both willing.

    But if the relationship just dosen't feel right anymore (which sounds the most likely), it's best to be honest about it, rather than pretending you feel something you don't.

    ?I expect calling it a day and becoming single will be more than difficult at first, but you'll thank yourself for it in the long run if you really are in a unhappy\strained relationship.

    x

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