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Apart from a short break a few months ago, I have been on Mirtazapine for over 6 months now. I went back to my Doctor last week and had my dosage increased from 30mg to 45mg. I know the extra strength may take some time to kick in. I have to go back to the Doctors in 2 weeks time and fill another depression questionnaire in.
I also had some blood tests carried out as I seem to have no appetite whatsoever. Most days it's very hard to even get out of bed in the morning, even more difficult to go to work, I feel as though I don't want to be around people at all, I would rather shut myself away in the house on my own all day, call it self indulgent and wallowing in my own self pitty and misery, there are plenty of people out there who healthwise, are far worse off than me, and they seem to cope, so why can't I?
People say, snap out of it, it's just a state of mind isn't it? but is it? to me nothing else matters, I drive to work for over an hour, most days crying all the way. I can't see the wood for the trees. I have been asked if I have ever considered self harm or suicide, Maybe I wasn't completely truthful in my response because I have wondered if anybody would miss me, what is the purpose of me living this life? what purpose or point do I have?
I live on my own, I have two young children who live with their mother, I try and look forward to seeing them, they are oblivious to what is going on with me, but they ask whay their Dad is always crying, I feel terrible for even exposing them to just a part of this. I'm trapped inside myself and I just don't know if there is an answer anymore. Why do these pills not work for me? How can a pill make you feel better? What can I do?
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