Can things really get better

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Apart from a short break a few months ago, I have been on Mirtazapine for over 6 months now. I went back to my Doctor last week and had my dosage increased from 30mg to 45mg. I know the extra strength may take some time to kick in. I have to go back to the Doctors in 2 weeks time and fill another depression questionnaire in.

I also had some blood tests carried out as I seem to have no appetite whatsoever. Most days it's very hard to even get out of bed in the morning, even more difficult to go to work, I feel as though I don't want to be around people at all, I would rather shut myself away in the house on my own all day, call it self indulgent and wallowing in my own self pitty and misery, there are plenty of people out there who healthwise, are far worse off than me, and they seem to cope, so why can't I?

People say, snap out of it, it's just a state of mind isn't it? but is it? to me nothing else matters, I drive to work for over an hour, most days crying all the way. I can't see the wood for the trees. I have been asked if I have ever considered self harm or suicide, Maybe I wasn't completely truthful in my response because I have wondered if anybody would miss me, what is the purpose of me living this life? what purpose or point do I have?

I live on my own, I have two young children who live with their mother, I try and look forward to seeing them, they are oblivious to what is going on with me, but they ask whay their Dad is always crying, I feel terrible for even exposing them to just a part of this. I'm trapped inside myself and I just don't know if there is an answer anymore. Why do these pills not work for me? How can a pill make you feel better? What can I do?

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  • Posted

    Dear Jason you have shown tremendous courage posting on this website. As a fellow mirtazapine user and sufferer of depression I can say that things will get better for you. Try not to over analyse your problems at the moment. You are ill and the medication will go some way to alleviate your problems. Apart from your GP do you have any other support or counselling? Now might be the time to ask to be signed off work to catch up on some sleep and to try to arrange some counselling for yourself?You do not have to fight this on your own. If mirtazapine does not work then there will be another anti depressant that will. I would keep up the visits to your daughter as she obviously means a lot to you. Keep posting as there are others out there who will share your feelings. I hope that you start to feel better soon.
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  • Posted

    Sorry Jason where I have put 'daughter' please read 'children' Thanks Pooh.
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  • Posted

    Jason, I have been where you are. I just want you to know it will get better for you. If someone has told you to snap out of it then they obviously don't have experience of this illness. It takes time to get better. Cognitive Behavioural Therapy is good I found. Hypnosis can also help. They way pills work is to increase certain neurotransmitters in the brain that effect the mood. Serotonin is increased making you feel better. It can take some time. Hang on in there and take small steps.
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  • Posted

    Tony Tony, I will be having my 4th session of cbt tomorrow, I have severe anxiety and a social phobia, just wanted to ask you how many sessions did you have, and what benefits did you get from it, if you dont mind me asking.

    At the moment my sessions have consisted of what anxiety feels like, physical and mental, different medication and food and drink that can affect it. Keep waiting for something constructive to start, or is that how its supposed to begin. My sessions last 1 hour 15 minutes and when I come out my head is absolutly banging.

    Many Thanks for any info.

    From

    Danielle.

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  • Posted

    Hi Danielle, well basically the first I heard of CBT was when I found a book on it. I read it and learned quite a bit about how my own thinking and behaviour was effecting how I felt. I also did some when I went to a counsellor and she gave me some forms that had you fill in your thoughts when feeling bad and then reflect on a more positive way to do it. She wasn't really a very good counsellor though. I also used a few websites like moodgym.anu.edu.au and livinglifetothefull.com which might be worth a look. It takes time and a bit of effort, i'm still working at it. I would suggest that if after a few sessions with your current therapist, if you still feel it isn't getting anywhere find someone better. best wishes.
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