Cancer, Family Struggle, No Finance, Harassment, it doesn't end i believe

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Request you everyone to read my story and please suggest me or advise me on how I can restructure my life. Need your help badly.

Everyone goes through very difficult situations and struggles in life and I have seen it myself and I have done the best I could to the people who were struggling in their times.

And finally it was my turn, I have been married for 4+ years now. And first 3 years of marriage was constant quarreling and fights and never been happy with each other, my wife wanted to divorce me many times, I have never hit her or have never abused here, the fight always starts from her side, sometime I used to wonder why have I ended up in this marriage and wanted to get out of it, but due to social pressure we continued and tried our best to tune ourselves, not sure if that worked but we stuck along for the first 2 or 3 years, then we planned to have a child, during the 4th year we were blessed with a beautiful girl child, she is amazing and beautiful.

In the midst of all this, I was employed in a nice job and doing well financially, and had plans to fly to a different place for better job prospects, this was after my daughter was born, so my wife was doing her best taking care of the child and the fights were there as usual, the fights was mainly due to my mother and my wife not getting along, i feel my mother and wife both are good in their own ways but when they come together it just doesn't work at all, my mother has done a lot to me taking care of me since childhood, educating me and what I am today is because of my lovely parents and I owe them a lot and so the fights continued. My wife again is a hot tempered women and has anger issues, there were many times we thought of separating but as time passed by and after we having a daughter, the separation was not an option. 

Well, back to what I was trying to tell, I was to fly out of town for a better job and bright future, even though back of my mind I was fully not satisfied leaving my hometown but due to lot of things and for a better life, I had decided to go for it and had spent a quite a lot of money for consultancy, flight tickets and few courses and exams that i had to complete. During this idea of going out, the major shock of my life happened to me, it was end of world to me, and I thought it was better to die than to face this, that was the feeling I had, I was diagnosed with stage 3 testicular cancer, this was the worst that could happen, well battling cancer is one thing, but having cancer and then struggling with family and then with money, all together is like 10 swords pierced into my body, that was the feeling and torture I had go through in the last 10 months. The mental torture, the emotional torture and relatives, my inlaws, my wife, everything was like going through 'pure-hell', I saw hell to the core.

During my surgery and chemotherapy, my lovely elder brother stood by me, my mother stood by me, they were there with me during the toughest time of my life, my wife even though she was in two minds, she was there with me, but was always feeling depressed not because I had cancer but because she married me, she yelled at me and cursed me saying I married you for no good, I felt even more painful but I held on to the course of life and just of my 5 month old beautiful daughter, my inlaws feel disgraced about me and feel what blunder have they done by marrying of her daughter to me. 

Even when I was on hospital bed struggling in chemo, I had to assure my inlaws and my wife that give me some time I will come back and take care of my wife and child, i literally had to say this to my wife to keep her faith in me even though in one corner of my mind I thought if I will ever survive cancer, but just held on and went with the rigid flow in my life. 

Cancer was big and hell, I went through it somehow, i lost a lot of money and had no paycheck when I was in hospital, I used my own savings for my surgery and chemo, no one came up to give their money or pay bills, I already had lost a lot of money for job prospects in other state and now I had to spend my remaining savings for my treatment, so all my money was gone and financially broken.

With all these going through in my life I did not lose hope and still believed in God, two years back I had lost my dear father, he was amazing, he was eternal, the best man ever I could say, he was always there for me and so was I, I did not lose hope then as well, i prayed to God, get me through these tough times, I dont want to see my wife and child helpless, I want to survive this and take good care of them is what I always prayed to him.

With great pain I finished all my treatment and chemo of 30 full days with 4 cycles. I returned home battered and finished, almost like a zombie, no strength in me, I took around 2 months to recuperate, and even during this time, I was nagged by my wife and my mother as they had to take care of me, I was a patient, I kept a helper for sometime to take care of me. Like I said earlier battling cancer was 1 part, and the other part was no much support from family but just nagging and betrayal. I did lose myself a couple of times and had all the doors closed and just stayed in the room waiting for some light to come in.

After around 10 months of cancer struggle, I had to get up and go back to work, luckily I did not lose my job even though they had stopped my paycheck. I started continuing to work and was able to support my daughter and wife once again. 

I thought things may get better but it never, my wife is always unhappy with me and always says that I married the wrong person and she is unhappy because of me, I partially agree and I am to blame and just accepting the hits from her week after week and just waiting if it will ever get better, i keep apologizing her and assure her that it will get better and give me some time to recuperate and will do my best to take care of us, but guess thats not enough for her and she keeps coming back to me, my inlaws always have this negative perception that I am the most unluckiest thing that has ever happened to them and this in fact triggers my wife more to nag at me. 

Even though the relapse of cancer is there in one corner of the mind, I have to face all these as well, family torture, in the midst of all this my lovely daughter is facing all this, even though she cannot understand much, she is in this tough circle.

I am broken financially, emotionally, lost my health towards cancer, lost faith from my wife and family and I am left with nothing but just breathing and waiting for the sun to rise and set and waiting for the days to pass and just living because I have to live.

No idea how will my life unfold going forward, but I still pray to god to ensure I do my best to my wife and kid and to my family, to give me that strength and patience to go through this storm.

Please share your opinions and tell me what to do, please!!!


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  • Posted

    It's a long story you have to tell and to be honest not sure of authenticity but who am I to judge.

    It sounds like your marriage was a big mistake and yes as you say we all have problems but to be honest I have no understanding as to why you felt bring a child into your world would heal the marriage ? Perhaps I may seem unkind but I do not see how staying married benefits you your wife or your child. . You say your mother is supportive yet. Lashes with your wife and yet there seems little progress ? Your dad whom you say you were close to and his death affects you ! Yet you stated it was mainly your mum that bought you up ? I must sound mean but you say you ask for advice well here goes 

    1/ separate and maintain a healthy relationship and support your child

    2/ speak to your Gp and work OH you need support

    3/ keep positive in your own health and journey Cancer is tough but having the wrong people and support in your life is not healthy 

    4/ learn from your journey I would of thought experiencing cancer would affirm you to cutting out what you know in your heart does not work and staying together for sake of children , finance or fear of loneliness is a weak reason . As you stated your mum bought you up single handed and you say you have inherited a lot of her strengths and values so put them into practice . Good luck 

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  • Posted

    I know you don't want to give up but believe this or not sometimes our bodies begin to react to toxic people in our lives.  Perhaps it is time that you make the decision of what is best for you so that you CAN be a good father to your daughter as that is what is most important now.  Maybe you should consider separating from your wife and what seems to be her toxic family.  Do not stay in a broken and bad relationship for your child because in the end, it does not serve them well.  Good luck to you.

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