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Cant cope with herpes, need help

Posted , 8 users are following.

b22745
b22745

i broke up with my boyfriend three months ago, shortly after this i slept with someone (the 2nd person ive ever slept with), however we didnt have unprotected sex and a short while later i had my first HSV outbreak. i visted my doctors and got diasgoned and got medication, however since then i have experienced frequent outbreaks.

I tried not to let it get me down at the start, but it just feels like the outbreaks are never going to end. Im miserable and constantly worrying about when my next outbreak will be. Im only 19, i cant help but feel im never going to be worthy enough for anyone. I feel like damaged goods, what boy is going to want someone tarnished by herpes. 

ive tried to remain positive about my situation, but i can feel myself slipping deeper into depression. Managing this disease is exhausting, and worrying about my future and future relationships is unbearable. 

i dont know what to do.

2 likes, 15 replies

15 Replies

  • Koolredd
    Koolredd b22745

    Posted

    Feel the same exact way man .. I'm 20 years old . Just got diagnosed with Hpv type 2 December 15th .. It's something that you have to deal with for a lifetime , I'm so depressed always crying and what not . I mean like you said who would want someone with that type of disease ? Life term everytime I try to act as a normal person the fact that I'm stuck with this hits me and I instantly get in my feelings .. I mean how do you tell someone you have herpes ? That's a complete no no . I know if someone would've told me that I would instantly back away and closed the case.

    I haven't had any recent outbreaks .. And I'm currently on my period and I figured that would be the main outbreak for me .. don't want to Jinx anything . I wanna take suppressive medicine but I want to wait until I have an outbreak so I can see the signs of it all . I'm highly nervous .

    Do you know where you got it from ? Does your ex boyfriend have it ,? Or the other dude ... One of them have to have it right ?

    How are your outbreaks ? I would say it gets better but I'm still waiting although I'm in a relationship .. I haven't completely told him I'm diagnosed with it .. One of the hardest things I'm having to deal with I just put off sex on everything else and why I can't do it . Sorry I'm being so blunt personal and nosy .. I literally feel like I have no one to talk to this about and it's eating me alive . No one knows I have this . I feel like I have hiv but I'm not going to die .

    Do your parents know ?

    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus Koolredd

      Posted

      Before you tell your bf anything, you'd better confirm the HSV type (or just say genital herpes and leave out the type until confirmed), as that makes quite a difference. From what you've said elsewhere, sounds like you have Type 1 genitally, as I've pointed out before (HSV-1 is a related but completely separate/distinct virus to HSV-2; both can occur in either location). Your lab results should say.
    • b22745
      b22745 Koolredd

      Posted

      What i find most upsetting is the fact the guy i contracted it off didnt tell me before we had sex, and i havent spoken to him since. 

      Im a student so i feel like my lifestyle is what triggers my outbreaks, i think its time i looked into suppressive treatment. im always on edge, when i start tingling it just fills me with dred and sadness. 

      No it was the other dude...i think. My first outbreak was the most painful thing ive ever experienced in my life, i had to take time off work and had to take two courses of anti viral medication. Recently i was admitted to hospital with Quinsy, which has triggered another painful outbreak, as im guessing my immune system is quite low. 

      I havent been in the situation yet where i would be having sex, so i dread the day where i have to tell someone i have this disease. Good luck with telling your boyfriend, i couldnt imagine what it is like. My friends I live with know, and i feel like i can talk to them about it. You should confide in someone close to you, it helps.

      No way, it would break my mums heart to know ive done this to myself.

    • Koolredd
      Koolredd b22745

      Posted

      It's very messed up that someone would do that ... Do you think he knows he has it ?

      My main thing was .. You know how you were when you first contracted it . How you felt .. The emotions . All of it

      So why would someone put someone else through that ?

      Have you talked to the guy recently ?

      I figured I would have an outbreak since I started my menstrual . But I haven't yet .

      Just keep calm and be patient , all will be well.

      I feel like you do . No way I can tell my father he would totally ashamed of me but I mean I'm young 20 years old can I really manage to keep this life long secret away from my father ? Every day is like a mystery I don't know when I will have an outbreak . I want to take suppressive medicine for another safer prevention from my boyfriend catching it ..

      I doubt marriage is anywhere on my list now since I have this life terminal disease., what about kids ?? All of it .

      It's good your going to school and all that , that can be a little stressful also so you might want to watch it just a little bit ,

      I hope it all goes good with you tho . Don't get too down in the dumps with every rainstorm there is a rainbow .

  • FelizCastus
    FelizCastus b22745

    Posted

    Sorry to hear about your situation. Do you know which HSV type you have genitally? Because that makes a difference.

    Still tough to process either way, but there are many of us out there with this virus. Practically every day, there's at least one new post by a new forum member!

    Anyway, the most important thing to know is that you're still the same person, you're not alone, and it does get better, both physically and psychologically. smile

    • b22745
      b22745 FelizCastus

      Posted

      I have type 2, which i understand is the 'bad' one sad. 

      It does help knowing this forum exists and there are other people out there suffering in the same situation. I just hate feeling dirty all the time from this disease. 

    • Monie
      Monie b22745

      Posted

      I feel exactly the same way.... Wondering does it get better emotionally?
    • FelizCastus
      FelizCastus b22745

      Posted

      If it's any consolation, I have Type 2 as well. Yes, it is the "bad one", I won't sugar-coat it, but it only gets the better of you if you allow it to. The important thing is to get control over your recurrences, as they can bring you down by reminding you that you have it. How long have you had herpes (2-3 months?), and how many recurrences have you had since the first outbreak? Are your recurrences bad?

      The first few months to a year are supposedly the worst, but for many, recurrences are typically a lot milder. If not, suppressive therapy may be an idea. You can also consider boosting your immune system by ensuring a balanced diet, maybe taking a multivitamin, and avoiding excessive alcohol, which is known to lower immunity.

      Ultimately, try to remain positive, as hard as that may be right now, know that you are not alone and have support here, and don't let herpes dominate or rule you - you rule it and show it who's in charge!

  • Sabrina55
    Sabrina55 b22745

    Posted

    The overwhelming feeling is more than fair.  But if I could argue with you -- you can cope.  This will help you develop a strength you didn't think you would need this soon in life.  

    I had never felt the level of despair I felt after my diagnosis.  Turning to the online forums has been more than critical.  

    So, keep reaching out to this forum, we've all been in the tough early stages.    They are different for everyone, but we share a great deal.  I like to medical/treatment/emotional focus of the discussions here.  Some of the other sites ('hidden' facebook groups, for example) struck me as more 'hook-up' focused.  No judgement -- just folks that are in a different place on their HSV journey than I am, so they aren't helpful to me right now.

    The forums have helped me understand that I am now part of a ridiculously HUGE club.  But we do stay in the shadows (for the most part -- there are some wonderfully brave, confident folks with videos on YouTube).  

    You will be able to cope, you will have a fulfilling life (with, if you want, marriage and children).  And yes, this is a tough curveball to have to deal with.  Imagine that you are talking to a friend, who just told you she was diagnosed.  You would be a supportive, positive friend.  So, the challenge is to be that to yourself.....

     

  • josiphine24649
    josiphine24649 b22745

    Posted

    It really feels like your life is over before it even began. I'm only 17 and got diagnosed with herpes1 a few weeks ago, and I've been going through the same cycle of depression. My boyfriend has been understanding, and didn't leave when I told him that I would have to go to the doctor to check for herpes (which was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever had to do), but it seems like he feels like I feel too sorry for myself. Even he, who's my best friend, can't understand how awful it can make a person feel. he loves to crack jokes about it, to "lighten the mood" but it feels to soon to laugh about it.

    Not to mention on social media & tons of movies herpes is made fun of a lot. People act like a person with herpes is dirty, but in reality all it takes is to sleep, or get oral from one person, to contract it. I've only slept with 2 guys, but here I am.

    It feels like all the people around you will look down on you for it, I know that I personally haven't told anyone but my doctor and my boyfriend, and when you're younger you tend to depend on family/friend support to get you through.. It's so hard to not have that😔

    Im sorry to hear about your outbreaks😔I personally have never felt physical pain as bad as my first😕

  • mikarose
    mikarose b22745

    Posted

    So upsetting to read this. I am in my 20s and have recently hsv2.. Alllll your feelings I can relate to 100%. I am now on suppressive medication (one tablet a day). If you can maybe you should give this a go until you can come to terms with this a bit more - why put yourself through outbreaks when you are dealing with too much emotionally already.
    • Koolredd
      Koolredd mikarose

      Posted

      How is it on suppressive medicine ? Do you feel a difference ? Do you have any outbreaks ?

      Im 20 also seems like it's always the young people diagnosing it . My life will never be the same and I feel like the outcast of it all .

      But I guess you gotta take it day by day .

      When do you get diagnosed with this ?

    • Monie
      Monie Koolredd

      Posted

      Im 40 and just got my news. Whatever our ages.... This blows!
    • mikarose
      mikarose Koolredd

      Posted

      I'm 23 and was diagnosed a couple of weeks ago. I had my first outbreak within a few days of exposure and have been on meds ever since.

      It's now about 3 weeks since I was 'exposed' to the virus and about 2.5 since my outbreak went away and if I didn't know I had it.. Well I wouldn't be able to tell. I feel comforted being on the suppressive treatment.

  • joebloggs74
    joebloggs74 b22745

    Posted

    I was diagnosed with genital herpes 18 years ago and how you are feeling is exactly how I felt when I was diagnosed, at the time my son was young and i sank into a deep depression. At the time of my diagnosis there was not much information about gh and all you was given was a leaflet and medication and left to deal with it, luckily i had a fantastic network of friends who supported me through those tough years. It is natural to worry constantly about further OB and potential partners, the only advice i can give is to get some form of counselling to help you with these initial feelings. There is alot more info and support for gh than there was when I was diagnosed. Please don't feel that this is what defines you as a person, you are not dirty, worthless or tainted (that was how I described myself back then) over time the OB will settle down, and become less frequent.

    As for the person who gave this to you probably did not know he had it, as some people are just carriers and never have symptoms. I'm not gonna say this is going to be easy, but please get support so you can learn to cope in these early days, i wish this help was around when i was told i had gh, talk to you doctor about either taking tablets everyday or having backup meds for when you start getting signs if an OB.

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