Citalopram dose increase 20mg to 30mg

Hi Steven, thank you. I’m just so fed up of being up and down. I know it’s a gradual process but I long to feel like my ‘normal’ self again. I’ve gotten a lot better but I just feel like anxiety is always lingering.  It’s so frustrating 😪 I’m trying to hang in there and distract myself, but I’m literally forcing myself to get up and do stuff, and forcing myself to be/act more positive than I feel. 

Really spaced out, it is a bit like symptom whack-a-mole at the moment but I guess I am only nearing week 2 of 20mg cit hard to tell what is anxiety and what is symptoms. I certainly feel the cit has caused in increase in anxiety and hence increase in intrusive thoughts - not nice. That said, my brother has been down in the past 24 hours had a good chat and almost felt like a normal guy in between the madness 😃 how are you feeling?

Oh that’s good you are nearing the end of the first two weeks on 20mg 🎉 I know what you mean, the anxiety sort of starts to blend in with the symptoms and it’s all a blur 😑 I’ve been too ‘in my head’ today and the intrusive thoughts have been more present...also been a bit more forgetful 😪 just feel flat, looking forward to bedtime lol. Have had a few moments in the day where I’ve felt a bit normal but then the intrusive thoughts would come crashing back into my brain 🙄 we can do this though, we won’t feel like this forever 💪🏼 Hope you’re having a relaxing evening ??

Don't beat yourself up about any of it. I've been spending a lot of time on my own recently and all it does is allow you to overanalyse what is happening, I am trying to teach myself not to care so much. I brought a very good book tonight on the subject so just been reading that 🙂 am as relaxed as is possible! Same to you Star, enjoy your rest

I’m the same. I’ve woken up today and have decided to write off yesterday as a bad day, and that I’m going to try and be more in the ‘present’ (well as much as I can right now! 🙄 and not so caught up with running away with my thoughts. That’s my problem right now, I start thinking and then get caught up in thinking which is not good for the times when I’m alone. Mornings are the hardest. Do you meditate? Ah I bought a couple of books too, it’s nice to relate to something on how we’re feeling

I meditate a little, mostly use guided meditations on youtube how about you? sometimes i find it too hard to concentrate on that and it's like my brain just wants to do side flips, I also find morning's are hardest. I think the best thing is to try and go about the day and just not pay the thoughts that much respect, I honestly have them 24/7 so can find myself ruminating quite a lot. What do you find you worry about? It's a hard one and is going to take some time to unravel. What books do you have?

The books I have are ‘At last a life’ by Paul David (he battled and overcame anxiety after 10 years) and I have a book by Dr Claire Weekes. They’re both really good. I’ve been using the headspace app on and off for a number of months now...I couldn’t meditate or focus at all when I got really bad, my head was all over the place, but it’s become something I can do again. I worry about a few things. The ‘hot topics’ my brain has attached itself to are me being anxious about being home alone, when I got really bad and fell apart a few days before going on medication I thought I was going mad as I didn’t know what was going on with my body, and mind. Now I know it was anxiety and depression and that everything I was experiencing was normal for the situation and I know my mind just couldn’t cope any more with the stress. So I had to stay with my dad after that as I was a mess. But when I’m home alone at my place I end up going back to that place in my mind. I had horrible scary nightmares about members of my family at the beginning of all of this, which my head likes to replay every day 🙄 so I end up worrying that this means I want something bad to happen to them 🤷🏻???🤦🏻??? Even though I know I don’t want that and wouldn’t wish harm on a fly. I’m able to see that the thoughts are ridiculous but they plague me, and unless I have company with me or I’m out, I have these thoughts a lot and I hate being alone with them.  What have your thoughts been about? 

I also have Paul David's book, he's excellent. I'm so glad you found him he really helped me recover several years ago when I was suffering to an altogether higher degree, he explains violent thoughts quite well, and I had them at the time too. What do you think about his approach to recovery? He would say it is best to ride out what is happening at the moment and in honesty I've found that quite effective, I've been scared of going to bed several times recently aswell but just kind of get it done now, and it does improve!

I attribute my present thoughts to my serious low point a few weeks ago when I felt completely unreal and detached courtesy of my bad medicine reaction. My brain started coming up with all this rubbish and I have a hard time forgetting it. It is existential in nature for me. I am getting more control over my thoughts now and they don't bother me so much, at the very least I'm relatively more able to get on with my day

His approach makes a lot of sense. I spent weeks and weeks battling my mind and trying to block things out which made me feel worse as I thought there was something terribly wrong with me apart from the anxiety! 

My brain made up lots of rubbish too when I came crashing down! I’ve also found it hard to forget the thoughts, they appear every day. But I’m at a stage of acceptance now, where I can get by in my day better knowing that they’ll appear but they’re not MY thoughts.

I’m glad you’re able to get to bed now! I always find going to bed a relief, I think it’s the thought that I’ve gotten through another day. Just need my mornings to feel that way now lol.

Also, I just wanted to add I have a really good book by Claire Weekes

He explained the madness of it all very well which I related to, anxiety almost sounds a bit tame considering the reality of the condition. I'd say I do still fight it with distraction, but simply hanging around getting bothered by it isn't the right approach either. Yes it does help to know it's just the condition and not you... and bedtime is such a relief 😃 honestly I'd prefer hypersomnia right now

Yeah he did, he almost made it sound normal 😂 when it sure doesn’t feel like it when going through it lol. Oh yeah, sometimes I wish I could sleep a big part of the day away or sleep for ages and then wake up when I’ve recovered, ha. Not going to happen though! It’s a bit tricky finding the right balance of distraction and acceptance with anxiety. 

It was when he explained things like depersonalisation and derealisation that gave me relief. I don't have it any more luckily 🙂 I've been fantasizing about that too 😧 I think the only trick is just remembering it is nothing but anxiety and then do what you want 🙂