Citalopram increased to 40mg

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Hi all, I have been following alot of these discussions for a while which have been a great help. I was widowed in July, went through hell. Eventually prescribed 20mg citalopram just over 8 weeks ago. During and before this 8 weeks I have had excess energy, over anxious, frustration where I end up taking the frustration out on myself by self harming, I also had intention to commit suicide by drowning a few weeks ago and walked into the north sea, it was thinking about my grand children that stopped me. I often feel very aggressive and want to smash things up. I am still seeing my councillor too which is a great help. Last week I was at the point of feelng suicidal yet again my GP decided to up my dose to 40mg. I have at least gone two days without crying which is a start but I still feel very tense, aggressive wanting to self harm still. Will these feelings subside on the higher dose? I am getting emotionally tired of feeling like this all the time I just want it all to stop. At least I slept for about 6 hours last night which is the first for months, is this the start of the higher dose kicking in? I hope so as I have started back at work on a phased return which everyone seems to think will help. I haven't noticed any side effects so far except dizzy and shakes in the morning, will I be lucky and not get any others?

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  • Posted

    Sorry for your loss :-( it's hard. I lost my dad in January and wanted to smash everything up and was very violent. Councelling helped. I was put on cit but the side effects were to awfull, moved to zopiclone sleeping tablets as not sleeping for nightmares about his awfull death and what I saw him go through. It is very early days, and co in up to Xmas will be hard. Hang in there, slowly slowly is the way. My mum is awfull but tries to keep busy. Good luck and take care xx
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    • Posted

      Thanks, I was prescribed zopiclone too but only slept for 4 hours a night so didn't see the point. Sorry for the loss of your dad too glad your councelling helped, my councillor is very calming and understanding too. I know it takes time but I'm getting so tired physically and emotionally. 
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    • Posted

      It is very exhausting and a lot of people do not understand. Friends expected me to carry on as usual but am too emotionally drained, lost touch with so many friends, now alone most the time. Just taking a sleeping pill now. Hopefully the cit will work for you a bit, it is a bad time and Xmas does not help... Season to be jolly !!! Yeah right ! Keep me updated. Night xx
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    • Posted

      Hope you have a good nights sleep. I managed ok on my wedding anniversay a couple of weeks ago I went to a favorite place that we both enjoyed. It was very peaceful and calming, it felt as if he was there with me. You're right Xmas is going to be bad, we all made a big effort last year as we didn't know wether if was going to be his last. So I'm not looking forward to it at all. It's a shame you have lost contact with your friends, it is time like these that you need good friends. Gone midnight better see if I can get some sleep. Night x
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  • Posted

    Very Very sorry to hear of your loss and how you are feeling.

    Hopefully the higher dose will start taking better effect now.  I no how you feel i've been thru very similar and people just cant understand why we are the way we are.  They expect us to just get up and carry on, and we do try.  Fact is, this is a real disease, if you broke your arm you would have a cast on it, wouldnt you so when something inside breaks (for want of a better word) if all other avenues are exhausted we are prescribed something and it takes a lot of time to heal, like when unwell you sleep more.  I've learnt not to expect people to understand unless they have been thru it, there are help groups for loved ones to go too to help them understand and sometimes work has to come second, you need tolook after yourself, you have had a very hard time of it darl and you need positive people and understanding people and I cant stress enough TIME you need TIME.  Its your life and there is no point in just excisting and DONT be HARD ON YOUR SELF, easier said than done, i no.  I still beat my self up and also self harm.  You are not alone I do hope you start feeling better.  hope to hear from you again.  Nicky

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  • Posted

    Hi Tina

    I'm so sorry to hear of your loss - such a hard time for you.  I've taken Citralopram for 15 years and they've helped me tremendously.  I was taking them when I lost both my parents within weeks of each other (5 years ago) - the meds helped me though everything - I don't think I could have coped without them.

    Theres a lot of side effects when starting on this medication, and again when the dose is increased.  I've read that self harm and suicial thoughts can be side effects too, and I believe it's a result of too much anxiety in your body ... and of course grief makes you feel this at too ... but if you do feel like that again, please contact someone for help.  You will get better xx

    I know this sound too easy, but to ease the aggression, self harm etc, can you exercise, walk or do something that will burn up the excess anxiety?  It won't be the answer to all, but it'll help somewhat.

    A friend of mine lost her husband a few years ago now, and went through a difficult grieving period.  As she is retired, she eventually there herself a lot of voluntary work and organising fund raising - she's hardly ever still, but enjoys it immensely.

    Can you talk to a family member or maybe a close friend too?  This site is also good for talking as people will help you though this.

    This medication will start to work and will help you through this difficult time.  Thinking of you.

    Stay in touch xx

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    • Posted

      You must of found that really hard losing your parents so close together. I wasn't too sure taking meds as I thought it was it was giving in. I was already self harming and considered suicide quite a few times before starting these meds. The Samaritans helped me a lot and our Macmillan nurse who was very understanding. I joined the local leisure centre and attend various classes 3/4 times a week. Walk a lot too. Everyone says I am doing all the right things but it doesn't make things any easier. 

      thank you for your kind words. x

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  • Posted

    Oh Tina, so very sorry you have had to go through this.  I've had a lot of bereavement in the past 3 - 4 years and each time I've lost someone I've noticed I get unbearable anger.  I don't get sad just very aggressive and angry, particularly at the unfairness of it all.  Trite saying but time does heal it's just getting through it in the meantime is so impossibly hard.  It's good that the thought of your grandchildren stopped you from ending it all.  If you have family, there's so much to live for.  This may sound silly but I found help from actually doing something aggressive rather than calming.  I joined some self defence classes, even though I'm getting on a bit and a little bit arthritic, I found the energy and aggression I used up at classes left me tired and calm afterwards, I slept so well the night after the class, without horrible dreams and panic attacks in the night.  40mg is quite a high dose and because of that it will take a little longer for your body to get used to it and balance out.  Cit isn't a 'miracle cure', you won't suddenly be Mrs Cheerful all the time but it will take the sharp edges off your grief and upset and help you deal with this upsetting time more normally.  I reallly hope it's kicking in for you and you get some relief from the stress you're experiencing. xx
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    • Posted

      I did join the local leisure centre, I go swimming, fitness classes and aqua aerobics every week. I go out walking a lot too. I hoped that doing all this exercise would help. sometimes it does and other times I feel even more energetic afterwards. Even talking about it starts winding me up at times. I try so hard to control this but it has to come out somehow. At least I actually slept all night for the first time for months, so maybe they are kicking in. 
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