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I don't know where to start. The more I read everyone's posts I feel hope and more panic all at once. Like a lot of other people who come here for help I feel just about hopeless. I know there are also others who have survived to find some peace and I hope it is one of you that can shine some light on my way. I have struggled with anxiety for about 7 years. Well actually everything else but 'anxiety' originally. At first it was that I just had too much energy, 'I was creative', I had an inner ear infection that makes me dizzy, a heart problem, hypoglycemia? Headaches, lockjaw and on and on and on. I honestly do not feel depressed about anything in my life THAN the anxiety. I am in a happy great relationship, work is good, I've gone to a psychologist and I really don't feel like I have that much to say.. I wake up in the night sweating with my jaw getting tighter and tighter, I start talking to a good friend and I feel in a parallel dimension all of a sudden, I feel like my rib cage is shaking like my insides are shivering. I guess it kinda showed up years ago with a panic attack and they got so bad I would faint from them. I never thought things could ever feel worse. It actually just felt like I completely lost touch with reality and it was like my 'computer' was rebooting and I'd literally just 'turn off'. As bad as they were, it was over after the episode and I was generally okay until the next time it happened again maybe a month later. Years later it is safe to say I have GAD and I feel like I can't take it anymore. It has stole my whole life away from me. Sometimes I feel like I have a pool ball in my throat and can barely breath, I am trying to 'get through' it all day, everyday. Finally I started to feel so much body pain and my jaw getting tighter and tighter all the time as if my face almost feels stuck in an anxiety expression, I feel contorted by it. I gave up all alcohol as I was never much of a drinker anyway, I quit smoking a year ago, I started meditating, I go to bed early, I excercise , I eat well. I've really tried everything. And now I have started on citralopram 10mg 3 weeks ago..I had one day 3 days in where I felt completely calm and couldn't believe it! I thought it was a magic bullet! The only way I can explain it is it was like I used to be at a party of about 50people in my head tormenting me and all of a sudden I was ALONE! I couldn't remember feeling so free. It only lasted a day. I don't know if it was the initial change, hopeful thinking, or just a lucky day but it all went away. I know everyone says 'give it time', but since then I feel anxious ALL DAY LONG! I know it's only 3 weeks and I'm very sensitive to medication so my dose is lower and I want to give the 10 mg a full chance to work...but, IS THERE HOPE? I am having such a hard time to feel like this everyday, When it gets uncontrollable for me I take Ativan with it and it barely touchs the anxiety. I feel like I can't make it through this anxiety and I can't go backwards either.. is there really a point where it gets better? When is it??
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