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Codependent on others happiness, how do I start living for myself?

Posted , 2 users are following.

lauren98581
lauren98581

Hi everyone my names Lauren,

So I kind of have a lot going on right now. I have ptsd, panic disorder, and anxiety which effect my day to day functioning. Today I've been having obsessive thoughts about the past and my father. I'm 20 years old and I feel like my dad could care less about my well being. When I was younger he wouldn't even take me to the doctor for an injury because he wanted me to keep playing sports at the time. Anyway my current relationship with my boyfriend is struggling because during the day he goes to work and I stay home and watch the dog when I'm not in school or I work out/do yoga. When he leaves for work I get this horrible feeling like I did when my mom or dad would leave me. They're divorced and live 3 hours apart so I never knew when I would see my parents again. I cannot depend on Evan for my happiness but I'm really struggling with some things in the past that I can't get over.

I've been doing EMDR for months but I feel so hopeless. It's like I'm stuck home all day but my anxiety has been so bad I can't work or keep good grades in school. My childhood traumas are haunting me and my future relationships

4 likes, 5 replies

5 Replies

  • hannah53
    hannah53 lauren98581

    Posted

    Hi Lauren it sounds like you've had a few damaging things in your life that have stayed with you as your getting older. I have had the same and it's hard to live with but we have to move on from our past events and live fir the hear and now. Talking about things that have effected you will help and it sound as though you may need some form of counselling to move on from what's effected you and what is still effecting you now. It sounds as though you have anxiety in people leaving you. Do you feel as though there not going to come back? My dad doesn't bother with me, his always treated me differently to my other sisters. I'm the black sheep so to speak in his eyes. So I understand the pain your suffering from your dad neglecting you. My dad didn't take me to the hospital until the following day ages I had a broken wrist from falling off a horse. So I really understand how that's coursed you all if this suffering. But you can move on. Don't let the past spoil your future. You have your whole life ahead of you, enjoy it, grasp every living moment because out lives are a short one and it goes more quickly than we realise sometimes. What I started to do was write down things that I enjoy it that I want to do or achieve. Even if you don't think you'll be good at something go ahead and give it a try. Your confidence will improve with doing this and you'll start to move forwards with your life because you'll have things that fullfull it. Your feel as though you have more if a purpose. Also write down what makes you feel fed up, this us also good therapy because you can start to understand what's making you feel like you do. But out if the negatives write down any positives that have also come out if the situations. Also once I started finding things I loved to do, for example writing books, singing and horses, I had more troubles to arise and that was nearly dying 3 yrs ago. This made me realise how precious life it. I started doing meditation and since then I have felt so much better mentally and physically. There's loads to choose from and just listening to them, learning to breath and de stressing about my problems has taken a whole lot off my chest. It's really worth trying. If you need anymore advice or someone to talk to please feel free at any point. Your not alone, so don't ever feel as though you will be. Try and be strong and keep positive. Things will be fine in time.
    • hannah53
      hannah53

      Posted

      Sorry about mistakes, using phone and can't see what I'm writing half the time lol.🙈
    • lauren98581
      lauren98581 hannah53

      Posted

      Wow thank you so much Hannah! Seriously reading your story made me feel better about me and my dads relationship and it's not just me, other people have similar struggles. I'm in counseling currently and am doing EMDR therapy, it's been 4 months and has gotten slightly better but it's been a long 4 months with lots of mixed emotions. And also about my dad you had asked about if I was afraid they were going to leave me...My parents divorced when I was 5 and live 3 hrs apart so I would go months or in some cases sadly years without seeing them. I've had this same feeling with my current relationships like I don't know when the next time I'll see them. Then that's when panic sets in and i get dizzy/shortness of breath/helpless/panicked, it's horrible! This has really put a damper on my relationship with Evan, which has also had its crazy ups and downs as well. I always seem to go for guys just like my dad. Controlling, manipulative, mean...
    • hannah53
      hannah53 lauren98581

      Posted

      Hi Lauren, try not to worry. Maybe talking to people might help reassure you. But I've learnt over the years if people don't want me around of to be around me then there not worth knowing because I'm worth more than that. Try to tell yourself that. Building your confidence will also hel
    • hannah53
      hannah53

      Posted

      Help. I've had bad relationships to over the years and it's helped as an adult about what type of man to go for. I no longer wanted good looking, using guys, that manipulated me and took me for granted. I wanted to look for a guy who had other qualities about them and that's when I started going out with an old friend that was massively talented at singing but wasn't the best looking guy around. But he made me laughter etc so he had a different personality to what I'd usually go for. This was the best thing I could have done because I finally married him. I was fed up of being hurt and crapped on. If your being badly treated this will also knock your confidence Hun and no body deserves that. We have to make decisions sometimes in what's better. And sometimes loosing a person in ones life can actually make life a whole lot better, especially if there not helping you and making you feel safe and loved. Try and keep strong. Try and make a list of things you want to achieve, look at things you want to do. Starting new hobbies etc helps because you'll meet new people. Surrounding yourself with good people will help you through the healing process and moving forwards. If anyone makes you feel less of a person don't stand for it because i did that for years and I know I'm as capable as any other person is. I was a single lady for 4 years and I had my own flat, had todo everything alone and it was tough and sometimes lonely but it made me stronger. My family backed off and didn't do a lot to help for ages and I had to fight a lone. It's still pretty much the same now but my husbands family are very supportive. I've realized I do have a rubbish family since being married and seeing how family's really behave does hurt at times, but I know I can't change that now so I have to make the most out of what i have now. Sometimes I actually like having me time away from everyone else. You'll have times in your life that

      Show you good and bad but we learn from them and it makes us stronger. I also use to surround my self with the wrong company and I had to learn the hard way, but in doing that I finally had to makes decisions about weather I wanted bad friends who dragged me down or to distance myself from them and start again. I've had people cone and go through out my life and it's been tough, but once you find that you have security and you feel safe you won't worry about anybody else because you'll have watt yiu need. I hope that makes sense. There's going to be times that you get hurt by others walking out if your life, but remember that there lose.

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