Coming to terms with having anxiety

Posted , 5 users are following.

I think I have finally come to the conclusion that I have anxiety and have possibly had it on and off for years.

The last 2 years have probably been the hardest to get through in my life. After my wife gave birth to my third gorgeous son she developed depression that turned into extreme anxiety. She then discovered that she had gall stones and had to be operated on. During this time she became reliant on anti-depressants and tramadol.

This added so much pressure on me as I work 60 hours a week and was relied on to care for my wife and cook, clean, look after the children, do school runs and shopping etc etc.

We then discovered that she was suffering from rectocel and a prolapse. The NHS had a 12 month waiting list so we had to go private, costing us 6k. The operation required a 12 week recovery period which meant myself and my mother in law were left to do everything.

It must sound like I am just moaning but I think this is the underlying cause of me becoming anxious. It snuck up on me to the point I could not function properly. I will burn up for no reason, my legs are numb and aching at the same time, I have a tight chest, sweaty palms, feel slightly drunk and get tingly sensations in my head.

Can anyone relate to this?

I take herbal medicine (valerian, lemon balm, hops) but have not been to the doctors because they will just give me pills so I go away. I have seen the way they have treated my wife and it was appalling. It will also severely impact my career which has kept me sane for many years lol.

I just wanted to put it out there and see if anyone can relate. Sorry it is long winded lol.

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13 Replies

  • Posted

    I just spent 20mins replying to your post... then it dissapeared off the screen. I will do it again later.. As i have to be somwhere. But have some things to share with you 


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    • Posted

      Hi David

      Sorry you and your wife are suffering.. I can relate to both yours and your wifes issues.

      In Sept i started with stomach problems which until diagnosed kicked off health anxiety in me.. I was a mess all the typical symptoms of anxiety but being independent and proud to admit i had a problem , i faked it through work , I couldnt eat , sleep, pins and needles everywhere , eyesight affected unable to breathe properly or so it felt , concentration zero. Was scared if i had to go into meetings as i knew it would get worse and thought i would pass out. My balance was also affected.. Then one morning i was so agitated i thought i was losing my mind... I expressed my fears to my partner , i had been covering up as best i could. Any way he made me go to doctors. GP was great he knows me through work and knows that i am normally a level headed person. we discussed options and we came up with needing to break the cycle so he prescribed me 2mg of diazapam up to 6 times a day. well this freaked me out big style ... me having to take that... anyhow as i was also scared to take the prescribed dose i broke 1 tablet into 0.5 peice and took that .. i only had to do that for a couple of days and it did break the cycle. I was great until i had my gall bladder removed on 7/12/16 , because i had to be off work which i hate.. it came back tje pain from surgery lasted longer than i thought it would and slowly the anx came back with avengance... I was so bad i got rushed to hosp with suspected stroke as my face wä numb , my head was spinning, balance gone walked like a drunk etc you know the symptoms. Any that was all negative all stress anxiety related. So had to stay off work longer. 

      Which doesnt help me as like you , i am the coper everyone comes to me for support etc etc.

      These are the things i used and am still using to get my life back to normality.

      I have  an app on my phone which i use at work . It has about 12 short relaxation breathing and calming exersises on.

      I listen to guided sleep meditations on youtube at night to get me to sleep. 

      I drink plenty of fluids and try and eat well not good with anxiety as it makes me feel nauseus all the time. so have lost about 2stone.

      Coping skills are key .. i beat it in september and i will beat it now ....

      There is light at the end of the tunnel. If i hadnt have had the op.. i wouldnt have sunk back as i was doing great , fantastic even. so i can empathise there with your wife.

      This might sound crazy but hey ho it helped me.. I repeatedly in an very anxious situ.. i am strong i am calm i can do this... and i did i had to use it a lot at work when the brain chatter and fog got too much, or in a meeting.

      Sorry for the long winded reply.... I am just so passionate about getting rid completely of this horrible thing , i think it helps to share and know you are not going crazy. 

      Wishing you well strength and encouragement.


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    • Posted


      Thanks for the reply. I can relate so much to everything you have said and I do the same in just trying to break the cycle.

      I often try to tell myself that everything is fine and I try to channel it into something positive.

      You sound very strong and like you said I am sure you will get through it again. I honestly think I am getting through it by using herbal medicines, diet, work and spending as much time as I can with my kids.

      Going to the GP doesn't work for me really. My job is classed as safety critical so any prescribed drugs will restrict me in what I can do. A friend of mine has also been diagnosed with anxiety at work and the attitude towards it is appalling, solely because people are uneducated. It might sound weird but if people knew at work it would actually make things worse and I honestly feel like I am turning it around.

      I hope everything works out for you in the future smile

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    • Posted

      Hi David

      Just the same here, no one knows at work... I mask it very well, which is hard at times. But it would make me worse if people new. Maybe not the right attitude but hey. Thats me.

      Good Luck and i hope things improve soon strength and encouragement to you x

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  • Posted

    David, mine started with insomnia about seven months ago as my wife was pregnant. It's progressively gotten worse. I am so overwhelmed with everything but keep pushing myself to go on. Every day I am shaky and nervous and ruminate about never feeling like myself again. Constantly Phil altered or drunk or foggy headed I at best get 2 to 3 hours of sleep a night but you keep pushing. We have to keep going because this is not forever. We will get through this. I am sorry that you had such bad experiences with doctors. But what you're doing right now isn't working so you need to try something else. I don't have any answers to solve your problem but know that you were not the only one going through this. I wish you the best sir

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    • Posted


      Thanks for the reply. I think what I am doing is helping a little. I changed my diet to help ease the anxious feelings and it worked until Christmas lol. It sounds like you're having a rough time of it and I hope it improves soon.

      I have always been the strong one whether it be with the family or friends. I have been the person that everyone turns to for advice and an ear. I have always had the attitude that I am mentally strong and nothing will break me. Surely this has contributed to everything? (I don't like to admit I am broken a tad).

      I hear you with the shaking. I thought for weeks it was a viral thing or maybe I was just tired.

      Good luck with everything smile

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  • Posted

    Hi I have been told today that I have gad in all honesty I had it for years only mild then last year my 3rd son was born and I lost my mom and every day since has been a fight just to get through the day I started self medicating with alcohol which was never a good idea but it was the only thing I could do to sleep at night after today tho feeling more positive hopefully I can get this under my control now instead of it controlling me (fingers crossed) hope your felling better 😀

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    • Posted

      Sorry to hear that but hopefully you can turn a corner now you know for sure. I am the same, I have had it for years looking back now but I could never put my finger on it.

      What have the doctors done for you in regards to meds and therapy?

      I can't believe I can relate to so many in different ways. It is a severe problem in society I think.

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    • Posted

      I was exactly the same always put it down to something else have faith in doctor mate they can give you the help you need and I personally feel better just knowing what the problem is.The doctor started me on pregablin this for me is a problem as I don't like tablets but I'll give them a try does your wife know how you feel my wife was a life saver at times getting up with me at 3-4 o'clock in the morning because of panick attacks I know it is early for me but know shared I do feel a bit better hope you feel better soon Dave 😊

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  • Posted

    You need to talk to your GP and get your own health sorted out, if you have anxiety there will be little help for you  and you need to be fit in your own right.

    I had Gallstones several years ago and it was all done with micro Surgery, they took the gallbladder out and after the operation I had three small scars, holes in my left side and belly button and a further on to the lower right of the tummy I was up and at them quite quickly after two days in hospital.

    Has your wife recovered yet ?, Get yourself looked at


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    • Posted

      Yeah my wife had the same procedure but she stills gets the attacks occasionally so it is being looked into. My wife has recovered to a point where she isn't completely reliant on me but she is far from fully recovered.

      Thanks for the advice and I will think about seeing a GP ( a big step). I just don't have any faith in them. I know how they will deal with me and it's not the road I want to go down

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