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Right. Not really sure where to begin. I'm a 15 year old girl. I want to get other peoples opinions on what I'm experiencing and how to handle it. It might be signs of depression but I might just be overreacting and just an emotional teenager.
The depressed periods come and go but are getting more frequent. I still have periods of happiness where I am content and calm but they are now usually breif and last less than a day and I spend most days gloomy. Most of the time I just feel worthless empty and lonely. I can't give a very accurate time period at all because I can't keep track of these feelings and can't trace them back to when they started. Maybe a month or two ago. Or more. I don't know the time sort of hazes together. I'm never really rested. If I sleep the correct amount, less or more I'm always so drained and the dark circles under my eyes are getting a lot more obvious recently. Sometimes I cry a lot but most of the time I feel emotionless or empty and just numb. I'm never fully concentrated. I'm either too tired or restless. I find myself pacing frequently. My food intake increases and decreases at irregular spikes and I never want to do anything. I feel ugly and worthless even though I have never been treates badly and my life is what many people would consider privileged i guess. I don't have a particularly thriving social life at all. Just my parents, my best friend and about 2 other friends. I feel uncomfortable around others which isn't new as I am a genuine loner and don't mind being left to my own devices. But I started feeling lonely a lot recently yet I still don't want to socialise. I feel like no one else cares about me or that they all think I'm weird and are out to get me behind my back. Yet this doesn't irritate me. I just feel like I deserve it. Even though I know I probably don't and it's unlikely they would dislike me so much as I try not to give reasons for people to dislike me.
I'm fed up with my life in general. I'm having difficulty focusing on tasks or even starting them. I've often pondered about how pointless life is and frequently think about death. Not necessarily suicide or self harm but just wether it would actually make a difference if I was dead or not.
I'm starting to get defensive and scared of people and even though I'm perfectly content being a loner or independent I feel like people are out to get me and I just overall feel so tired depressed and empty.
I think I have been taking a physical toll from this as well. I frequently mentioned being tired and having dark circles, i feel like a zombie and I think I move a lot slower (apart from my occasional spur of restless pacing and such) and I had a migraine for the first time a few days ago.
I don't want to approach friends or family about this as I am a teenager and I think I'm probably just being stupid. I don't have any life/physical problems and i have no real reason to feel so pathetic and pointless and that annoys me. I shouldn't feel this way but I do and I don't know why. I don't want to be over dramatic about what's going on and I don't want to be a burden on the people that do care about me by making them worried or upset. I also don't want to look attention seeking.
Any advice on how to handle this?
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