Confused and possibly depressed

Posted , 3 users are following.

Right. Not really sure where to begin. I'm a 15 year old girl. I want to get other peoples opinions on what I'm experiencing and how to handle it. It might be signs of depression but I might just be overreacting and just an emotional teenager.

The depressed periods come and go but are getting more frequent. I still have periods of happiness where I am content and calm but they are now usually breif and last less than a day and I spend most days gloomy. Most of the time I just feel worthless empty and lonely. I can't give a very accurate time period at all because I can't keep track of these feelings and can't trace them back to when they started. Maybe a month or two ago. Or more. I don't know the time sort of hazes together. I'm never really rested. If I sleep the correct amount, less or more I'm always so drained and the dark circles under my eyes are getting a lot more obvious recently. Sometimes I cry a lot but most of the time I feel emotionless or empty and just numb. I'm never fully concentrated. I'm either too tired or restless. I find myself pacing frequently. My food intake increases and decreases at irregular spikes and I never want to do anything. I feel ugly and worthless even though I have never been treates badly and my life is what many people would consider privileged i guess. I don't have a particularly thriving social life at all. Just my parents, my best friend and about 2 other friends. I feel uncomfortable around others which isn't new as I am a genuine loner and don't mind being left to my own devices. But I started feeling lonely a lot recently yet I still don't want to socialise. I feel like no one else cares about me or that they all think I'm weird and are out to get me behind my back. Yet this doesn't irritate me. I just feel like I deserve it. Even though I know I probably don't and it's unlikely they would dislike me so much as I try not to give reasons for people to dislike me.

I'm fed up with my life in general. I'm having difficulty focusing on tasks or even starting them. I've often pondered about how pointless life is and frequently think about death. Not necessarily suicide or self harm but just wether it would actually make a difference if I was dead or not.

I'm starting to get defensive and scared of people and even though I'm perfectly content being a loner or independent I feel like people are out to get me and I just overall feel so tired depressed and empty.

I think I have been taking a physical toll from this as well. I frequently mentioned being tired and having dark circles, i feel like a zombie and I think I move a lot slower (apart from my occasional spur of restless pacing and such) and I had a migraine for the first time a few days ago.

I don't want to approach friends or family about this as I am a teenager and I think I'm probably just being stupid. I don't have any life/physical problems and i have no real reason to feel so pathetic and pointless and that annoys me. I shouldn't feel this way but I do and I don't know why. I don't want to be over dramatic about what's going on and I don't want to be a burden on the people that do care about me by making them worried or upset. I also don't want to look attention seeking.

Any advice on how to handle this?

Many thanks

2 likes, 8 replies

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8 Replies

  • Posted

    Hello sweetheart I'm vicky,

    First and foremost do not think that you are a burden, or Silly, or over dramatic or pathetic and pointless. Whether this is the onset of depression, or an age related hormone issue, the point is that these feelings are real to you.

    You are not alone and many many people of all ages experience these types of feelings and emotions. It is very normal to feel isolated and that you can't talk to the people closest to you.

    You have don an incredibly brave thing by opening up on here and asking for help/advice. The first thing that I would do is make an appointment to see your GP. Have you ever done this alone? Is your GP somebody you feel you could open up to? It might be that your GP can prescribe something to calm you a little. Also he/she may be able to carry out some tests to check your hormone balance etc. I'm just not too sure on how much you can do alone because you are under 16. Are you at school? Is there a counsellor that you can see when your feeling low at school?

    Have you started your periods yet ( don't answer if you don't want to). I'm just wondering is it certain times of the month that these dark feelings are particularly bad?

    What ever the reasons for your feeling like this please know there is nothing to be ashamed of. I've been taking anti depressants for about 16 yrs now and suffer with depression. I completely understand the feeling that you describe. I still have days like that, it can come on for no reason at all. I'm a lot older than you and over the yrs have learned the right way to handle those days. I've learned the right way for me. For example: I would do something that I find relaxing or enjoy like take myself for a jog, get my head into a good book, take the dog for a walk while listening to my iPod of my favourite up best music. Do you have hobbies?

    You say you are worried that people don't care about you and think that you're wierd. I've never met you and from reading one post from you, I can tell that you are intelligent, articulate, brave, very grown up for your age,and incredibly beautiful inside and out. You may not feel any of these things but if I can make that judgement from one message ( and I do not lie) I'm sure that your friends and family members feel exactly the same and are extremely lucky to have you in their lives. It's ok to be different And not like everyone else. That makes you individual and that you know yourself and don't follow the crowd. That's a great trate to have!

    Anyway I've probably gone on enough. I think your Amazing!!! I hope this has helped a little? I'm always here if you would like to talk.

    Stand tall, be brave and be you! You are special!

    Lots of love and hugs

    Vicky

    Xxx🌺xxX

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    • Posted

      Thank you so much. I think I needed to hear that. I do have a school nurse I can approach about this and I am intending to do so in a week or so when she is back in our department.

      It isn't related to my periods as far as I'm aware.

      I have some hobbies that I love doing and find relaxing. I'll try and focus on those when I'm feeling more depressed as much as I can.

      Thank you ever so much, your message has made me feel so much better and I think I can try and handle the emotions a little better now. I'm really grateful.

      Lots of hugs and love in return smile

      - Ana

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    • Posted

      Hey there brave girl,

      I totally agree with Vicky, you took a massive first step on opening up on here. You sound very mature for your age. I don't think I could've expressed my mumble jumble of feelings the way you have.

      I experienced almost the exact type of feelings you described at the same age 15/16. There was a root cause to my depression but I couldn't admit it. Eventually it got so bad I told my parents something was wrong. I got help from my GP and saw a counsellor who helped me to explore my feeling in my own time and at my own pace.

      Asking for help is hard, but it's there. Talking to your school nurse is a really good step, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

      I am gay, but I hated myself when I realised and felt ashamed. That was the roof of my problems. Maybe yours are due to an issue, hormones or a medical condition ( such as low thyroid function etc) that's why going to your GP can help iron the root cause out.

      I wish you well, you will get through this by doing what you are doing. Also, just something to think about. My friends year later told me they had wished I'd opened up to them as they knew something was wrong but didn't know as I closed myself off to them. You mention that you have a couple of good friends, consider opening up, even slightly , it may just make all the difference. Ask yourself what you would do if they came to you....I bet you'd be there!

      Take care and keep coming on here x

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    • Posted

      Hello Ana,

      I'm so pleased you have replied. You message really pulled on my heart strings and I've not stopped thinking about you and how you are. I'm so glad I was able to help a little. Ally ( above) is right in that you have such a mature head on your shoulders and are dealing with this so well and in completely the right way. You don't know it but you are one brave little cookie smile

      Pleased do keep in touch. I'm here to chat to day or night if you need it.

      Remember ' be you' your amazing!!!

      Lots of love

      Vicky xxx🌷xxx

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  • Posted

    Hang ion there, Adriana. Please talk to your parents, your friends and a trusted doctor about how you feel. You're going to get help. I'll be praying for you.

    KIrk   :-)

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