Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi all. My first post here.. ive been feeling really down and worried recently. Im 34 and three months ago I started a new job which was supposed to be great news for me. But after about a month i got scheduled in to weekly meetings which have caused me no end of anxiety in the past. I have experienced anxiety attacks in the past. The fight/flight mechanism always kicks in for me in those kind of formal meeting situations. Im on a probation period and really worried that if i start having/showing the problems i am having with meetings then i will be out of a job.
I went to the doctors a few weeks back and she gave me propanolol, (beta blockers). which I thought were good and have helped alot. But they dont feel like theyre enough. i was taking 40 mg minimum but then would take up to 100mg if i felt the need. I went back to the doctors and she put me on bedranol...a stronger form... ...but 160 mg is supposed to be the max dose........for one meeting i took about 420mg in the hour before it.
I feel like Im having to hide the issue, as i dont want the people i go to the meetings with to know i have a problem. In my experience from my last job that just made me feel more paranoid and 'on the spot'. gave me more to contend with whenever i was feeling up to having a go at attending a meeting again.
I am about to (hopefully) start going to see a cbt therapist that I have seen in the past. BUt im worried that all this has come too little to late, and that i should have made sure these issues were behind me before i started a new job. I was also hoping to just talk to some people who experience similar situations. Its really only ever work meetings... that feeling of being put 'on the spot', in a formal situation. It absolutely drives me up the wall...if i make it through even a 5 minute one, i come out feeling so exhausted nervously, i feel like a wreck. Its the feeling of being judged, or being 'found out', or something, like maybe i dont have enough integrity as a human being or im not a respectable enough person or something. it feels really crippling. it should be 10 minutes here or there in my week, but it feels like its dominating my life again.
0 likes, 12 replies