Continuing anxiety problems
Posted , 6 users are following.
Hi all. My first post here.. ive been feeling really down and worried recently. Im 34 and three months ago I started a new job which was supposed to be great news for me. But after about a month i got scheduled in to weekly meetings which have caused me no end of anxiety in the past. I have experienced anxiety attacks in the past. The fight/flight mechanism always kicks in for me in those kind of formal meeting situations. Im on a probation period and really worried that if i start having/showing the problems i am having with meetings then i will be out of a job.
I went to the doctors a few weeks back and she gave me propanolol, (beta blockers). which I thought were good and have helped alot. But they dont feel like theyre enough. i was taking 40 mg minimum but then would take up to 100mg if i felt the need. I went back to the doctors and she put me on bedranol...a stronger form... ...but 160 mg is supposed to be the max dose........for one meeting i took about 420mg in the hour before it.
I feel like Im having to hide the issue, as i dont want the people i go to the meetings with to know i have a problem. In my experience from my last job that just made me feel more paranoid and 'on the spot'. gave me more to contend with whenever i was feeling up to having a go at attending a meeting again.
I am about to (hopefully) start going to see a cbt therapist that I have seen in the past. BUt im worried that all this has come too little to late, and that i should have made sure these issues were behind me before i started a new job. I was also hoping to just talk to some people who experience similar situations. Its really only ever work meetings... that feeling of being put 'on the spot', in a formal situation. It absolutely drives me up the wall...if i make it through even a 5 minute one, i come out feeling so exhausted nervously, i feel like a wreck. Its the feeling of being judged, or being 'found out', or something, like maybe i dont have enough integrity as a human being or im not a respectable enough person or something. it feels really crippling. it should be 10 minutes here or there in my week, but it feels like its dominating my life again.
0 likes, 12 replies
jinny23 ben_46520
Posted
whether you are 34 or 57 like me, you still have these sorts of issues in life, particularly your work life. Don't doubt your integrity; the fact that you are talking about it, albeit to strangers, says that you do care and you are being transparent about your concerns and, I am certain, you have integrity !!!
Self esteem and self confidence play a huge part in all of this. I'm not quite sure, myself, where the roots of my lack of self esteem lie but I know for sure they stem from the past, my environment growing up and other influences. Your thoughts are not you, they are in the now, the moment and if you separate them, you begin to take control back. I believe.
They are like clouds passing through your mind !
One thing springs to mind for me: someone once told me I was the right screw in the wrong hole and so, I should not judge myself so harshly.
I think in the world of work some of us tend to have such high expectations of ourselves that we set ourselves up to fall and often it hurts.
honesty and transparency are two different things that have huge impact in our luves.
I say, rightly or not.... be honest but you don't always have to be transparent !
time is a great tester of great colleagues and friends.
You may,at some point, need to confide in one of your colleagues. Your gut instinct should tell you who that person is when appropriate.
Hey, I don't have any answers for you but some food for thought 😍
Hang in there, keep searching and remember, You Are One Great Guy...
Good luck
Jinny
ozzie1961 jinny23
Posted
I was just reading your response to Ben , and I could not believe what i was reading in your writings to him that this message was for me to accept about myself after failing someone and heading directly back inwards and feeling like a complete failure and returning to the same old patttern of wanting the need to really punish myself for muy human inadequices and failures, then I read a lot of what you said to Ben and I have taken this on board and will now be using what you have said to him to apply to my own situation, I sit here in tears of remorse after startng the process of just sitting with my freind I let down over 6 months back and need to move on , but i do get stuck in reverting inwards and that thought process that always attacks me that I am a bad person and worthless and without meaning all overwhelm me again.
Thankyou for making sense and showing me what the truth is this time round.
It certainly is by no means unusual when we reach out to help one particular need what we say can certainly impact many others too as it has me tonight
Hugs
PJ
I can stop the tears now .
ozzie1961 ben_46520
Posted
My heart goes out to you in your situation and I understand how you must be feeling in yourself.
My first thoughts were probably not the best plan howvere something to consider as only u will know the direct answer, and that was to have a chat with your boss and tell him the situation.
But then as i read more about it the thought did pop into my mind that maybe just maybe what really might be the answer to this intense situation you are challenged by and having a lot of anxiety is to research getting in contact with a Life Skills Coach , maybe go online and find where there may be some Life Coach seminars in your area that are up n comming.
This is resolvable and can be worked through, it really just needs to be dealt with in a way that works for you.
But having some Life Coaching to me seems to make the greatest sense.
Maybe if this is out of reach in financial means I am sure you can find some that would do it for what you can afford to pay or even for free.
Please do consider my thought for yourself.
As to me there is a fear Blockage of when those doors open to the meeting room and you are overwhelmed and unable to show your true self worth in a personal way and in a professional way, and this is letting you down and is really playing mind games with you and causing all types of anxiety and further fears like losing your job becuase you have failed in this one issue.
I encourage you to not bring yourself down in this isue to to look for external ways that will build you up and will set you on a sure rock that is a building foundation that can be built on and develpoed towards a surer understanding of how to approach these fears and terryiffying work issues and maybe also in your personal life.
I was really touched by the advice that Jinny gave you as the response that was shared by Jinny was not just for you but also reached into me at this time after I feel like a failure for other reasons.
Hugs
PJ
jinny23 ozzie1961
Posted
I have followed you for quite some time and am amazed at your strength and endurance despite the manly trials you have faced on your journey through life.
You know, sometimes, I truly believe that the challenges we face are sent to try and test us; I am sure they make us stronger and turn us into compassionate human beings. I have met so many people out there who lack compassion and it saddens me.
anyway, back to my point, you have enough strength of character to get through those troughs and soar into those peaks ! 😊
Like yourself, I feel a great passion for sharing with others and finding ways to guide others on their journey through life at a time when despair and uncertainty lurk around the corner. I too have had so many great friends in life who have given me a lift when I have needed it the most.
I guess it's a wish to give back maybe ?
Life is not a rehearsal and you and only you may judge yourself. The question is.... do you make judgements that are fair, considered and objectively ? We all need to forgive ourselves at times when we challenging ourselves through our own core values because sometimes, the bar is set too high !
Great to hear you on the forum again and ..... by the way, turn those tears into one smiley face after another. We have a life !
That's pretty awesome, don't you think ?
Best wishes
Jinny
ozzie1961 jinny23
Posted
Thank you for your lovely , meaningful words and encouragment to keep going.
I have just posted a new posting but it about finding a way to approach a legal matter .
I need you , like we all neeed each other
I will neer leave this room , and abandon all these unique and courageous companions and freinds from this forum.
Without this forum I am not sure how i could ever put one foot forward.
The mental health are a huge let down and this is my therapy in here
giving and receiiving , getting armed with those tools to fight my own battles under the banner of those wariiors in here .
We all sail through it togteher as a force to be reckoned with or we all drown one by one.
Thanks
PJ
ozzie1961 ben_46520
Posted
Just an added though my freind.
PJ
ann85529 ben_46520
Posted
Don't carry on self medicating: see your GP. He/she is paid to help us in situations like this. Your life is a misery at the moment: get medical help, then contribute to the meetings while you've got a chance - while your opinion still matters ! Don't do what I did, and waste the chance. Good luck.
ozzie1961 ann85529
Posted
I was reading your reply to Ben,
I agree he should try other ways to learn to be able to cope as what you said for yourself was regretting being able to get to grips with achieving being able to cope in group meetings.
I think that is sad that we sometimes just cant get to grips with those things in life that keep us from our full potential.
Im my situation I have been deying myself life saving medication due to my bitter and crushing anxiety in the home environment where i have neighbours from hell.
Pnce I remove myself from this situation I will be srtaight back on them, and i hope I can stay on them as this also has to do with a real phobia of swallowing meds for very good reasons that has effected me very deeply in a Phsycologicle and ddep emotional way.
The thing I am unsure of that you said was for ben to go to his GP , I agree they are payed, the majoity are underpid, overstreched and wanting out of thier GP practices , they are leaving the country in thier thousands , be assured of this.
Why its quite simple , we have a totally disected mental health program right across the country as we do have many alcoholics and people turning up at GPs for the most stupid reasons, they are overwhelmed and strretched to the peak and there is a real crisis happening that is not going to get any better.
And as my GP said to me it is not all about the money.
I tend to disagree that they are the ones we should be turning to for anxiety issues , this is a mental health issue and many GPs will just offer different kinds of meds and have a sympathetic ear , which is lovely but it doesnt resolve issues long term by any spector and just trying to get an appointment with a GP can take weeks and multiple visits for the same issue chopping and changing jobs and before you know it , it could be too ate for Ben.
I really feel that in my experience one way to approach the Issue and I am not sure ben read my above message to him was to find a LIfe Coach / Mentor someone that can work on his own life, his value in his personal life and mostly in the professional feild .
It may be also a healthy choice to practice some meditation or yoga where breathing techniques are involved.
I may be wrong in bens case you may be right for him to see a GP , but my years of being unwell and needing the NHS for multi reasons is its in real crisis and may in reality not have much to offer.
Having a Life Coach on Board may be able to pin point ben as to what it is about walking through the boardroom door that triggers all these pre meeting thoughts and not being able to aspire to a level that is achievable where ben can be free in himself to have a part in those business meetings and aspire to all he is.
I happen to believe even though I dont show it when in anxiety or feeling depressed that we ourselves hold the answers and sometimes we do need others like the many in here like mentors and thise we can look up too and discuss our anxiety issues , through having all this in place it is more than likely at some point the answer jumps out at us from the center of our being .
I hope this makes sense
Blessing
PJ
ben_46520
Posted
I wanted to say thankyou for all your responses.
I have read them all, and wanted to process my thoughts on them properly before responding. I am feeling quite low today but wanted to let you all know that I appreciate the time you've taken to respond.
Thankyou,
Ben
ozzie1961 ben_46520
Posted
We are are all in this together and stand United for you Ben.
PJ
ann85529 ben_46520
Posted
LizzieR361 ben_46520
Posted
Something stands out for me in that you, 'you needed to make sure you had this sorted out before changing jobs'.I dont think thats true at all.
It isn't your fault that this happens. Try and work with the CBTherapist and they will help you put measures in place so that you can cope but it doesnt sound like you are ever going to skipping and dancing into these meetings so just give yourself a break and think of all the things that you are good at in your job.
I think carefully now about how much I tell anyone. Even my partner. If someone doesnt want to try and understand you cannot make them and you cannot say for sure that some people will not act strangly but on the other hand it could be great to tell people. I have had bad experiences and now only say anything when my anxiety backs me into a corner and I have the dreaded 'explaination on the sick note' moment.
All the best, Lizzie