Posted , 3 users are following.
Hi there.
I don't really know how to express what i really feel now. but convinced i'm dying soon..... a slow death
Last January i was really freaking out about rabies since my cat (adopted stray) accidentally scratched me through my palm even though i went through full vaccination last year but i couldn't still convinced my mind i'm 100% safe.
i was experiencing these muscle twitches, tremors and hallucinations around my neck before sleeping, sweating, hot flashes, sore throat, acid reflux, lump throat, weird slight pain at the center at my head. that's when my anxiety went through the roof, i know i had anxiety before when it comes to strangers. i went on full panic mode 24/7 at that time, i couldn't even convinced myself that i don't have rabies (even it's true i don't have rabies GREAT!)
But around my birthday i was experiencing these back head pressure, it's not painful but it's still horrifying because i thought i'm gonna die soon. but after that day, that's when the nightmare started. disturbing vision, i couldn't burp like normal person i have to forcefuly burp just to release some air. every time i doze off to sleep i just jolted awake with fluttering and gasping for air. i couldn't even take a nap like i used to. every time i go to sleep always felt i was dreaming only, never reaching the deepest stages of sleep. that was the time there is something wrong with me. i was finally convinced i don't have rabies, but something worst
i've been researching about sleep deprivation and insomnia and look what i found
Fatal Familial Insomnia or its Sporadic Version. I know it's a very rare disease but 1 in a billion on this world, i couldn't just imagine it. that's when my anxiety reaches to deepest stages of hell. or maybe i damaged something in my brain because i've been constantly popping my back neck everytime (my head jolts at one time) or maybe i was exposed to some harmful chemicals that damages my brain.
I went to ER because i didn't sleep for 3 days and they just shipped me off with a prescription that won't even work. (even IV sedation won't even calm me) even my personal doctor who was finally becoming a friend even gave me 50mg IV sedation but didn't even work. but i did finally sleep the for the next 2 days but like i said just dreaming only because i still feel like nothing the next day. i suffered from back neck pain when i bend backwards and some weird sensation around my jaw like cracking. i don't know if its tmj or fibromyalgia. god Dr google is evil i swear!
I don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I'm just a shell of my former self, I couldn't even enjoy the most simplest things in life anymore like anticipating the new gow game or the avenger movie. even though i was miserable fat loser in life. with no life, no girlfriend since birth, being under my sister's shadow, abusive father who constantly berating me for doing some small things even suggesting sending me to a mental hospital. i still manage to enjoy the simplest thing in life. but not anymore. i couldn't feel the difference between hot and cold anymore. i couldn't even feel hungry or thirsty or full stomach. i lost the ability to feel tired or exhausted, i couldn't feel some sensation around my chest. i tried excercise but still didn't work, mentally i'm tired. i don't want to suffer anymore. i considered suicide but don't have the guts to do it. even refered to some psych or neuro. always felt the damage is done. there is no hope anymore. even my blood work showed normal. but still not feeling ok. MRI is costly here. hell even a PT Scan is alot expensive.
Does anyone suffered like i did? did someone managed to recovered from this? please let me know. i'm really desperate for answers. i needed to know i'm not the only person in this world who suffer from this terrifying anxiety. i hope the admins won't delete this. because i really need some answer. please help me!
0 likes, 6 replies
Donna23316 joseph12231
Posted
Joseph, I will gladly try and help you because you are as important as the rest of us! I'm sorry you are going through such a tough time. I really do understand how anxiety can take over your life. I too suffer from it. It can make you feel weird at best. You are not alone. It could be that you have had a lot of stress over the years which has been building and building. Have you got anyone that you trust who you can talk to?
joseph12231 Donna23316
Posted
I've managed to control my stress and anxiety over the years. But this one today is different. It seems i can't control my mind anymore. Convinced that i have a rare disease or some harmful chemicals or head or neck injury that stuck my brain in flight mode. There is no one willing to hear about my own struggle, They just brush it off and convinced me "its all in the head you're fine" But i'm still suffering mentally from not getting any restful sleep for 4 months
Donna23316 joseph12231
Posted
joseph12231 Donna23316
Posted
Well. they just brushed it off like "it's all on your head"
Donna23316
Posted
Hi Joseph, avoid those who say that, it's really not helpful. If I were you I'd change my doctor for starters. It may be in your head, the thoughts you are dying but the doctor needs to deal with the fact that you are worrying excessively about these things, which in turn is making you feel really anxious. I think it would be totally unprofessional for a doctor to be so Dismissive! Good luck, Donna x
jimy3horns joseph12231
Posted
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