Day 12

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Good afternoon all. I'm going to try and journal daily here, hopefully you all will bored this train with me lol.  Just so you know my history, i'm going to recap for you really quick. 

I've been on citalopram for years, but I started to become infrequent in taking it. I would miss days here and there and take it at different times. on January 19th my body basically crashed and my anxiety came roaring back. I was only taking 25mg (infrequently) , but on January 23rd I moved up to 30mg . For the first few days of the 30mg i was actually feeling better, but last week my anxiety increased and got pretty bad. From January 28th to February 3rd my appetite was practically non-existent. I also haven't been sleeping at all. 

Today is my 12th day on 30 mg. My physical feelings of anxiety aren't as strong as they were. I don't feel as zoned out as I was the past two weeks. I was able yesterday to actually do a photoshoot (i'm a photographer and a teacher) which I was terrified to do. I also was able to eat breakfast today, and lunch. Lunch was a little difficult, but I did eat. at this current moment I'm not really as anxious, but I am having intrusive thoughts which are my biggest problem. My thoughts consist of me being scared that I won't get better that I will be stuck in this cycle. I've been through this before, so I  know I can get through it but it's difficult. I'm definitely still having morning anxiety which is a sucky way to start your day, but I'm making it through the day. What's really interesting to me is that by 6 or 7 oclock i nearly feel normal again, it's definitely something I look forward to each and every day right now.  I'll probably check back in throughout the day to give an update. 

The positives of the day are:

I ate breakfast, and lunch.

I actually did feel a little hungry this morning.

I drove myself to work

I haven't been to physically anxious today.

I have completed task on my to do list. 

My gf and best friend are telling me I seem to be getting better. 

Thanks for listening to me cheesygrin

4 likes, 15 replies

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15 Replies

  • Posted

    This is such a good idea and will be so helpful for anyone starting off. I'm on week 10 of 20mg and this has all been brand new to me but I can relate to so many of your experiences.

    I look forward to hearing about your journey x

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  • Posted

    Great idea. Its good to see all the good things that have happened during the day but you can also reflect on the bad and realise you got through them. I look forward to reading more. Take care
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    • Posted

      You are absolutely correct. That's a great way for me to look at it. My struggles today were this morning before i went to work i was pretty anxious about my day. I also felt a little down around lunchtime, I really began to think about what I'm going through and I believe it's brought my mood down. 

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  • Posted

    How long did it take citalopram to work for you the first time? I'm having similar issues mostly instrusive thoughts that i never had previous been on 20mg for 6 weeks

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    • Posted

      Leticia , 

      Honestly I do not remember. I know for sure that as the days went by I just started to be more of myself. It got to a point where I just didn't think about it. I know getting out and living my normal everyday life was helpful. 

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  • Posted

    Yes it really does get better and I’m at the stage now 2 months in that Im forgetting to take it! My appetite is slowly returning 
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  • Posted

    Wonderful Breakfast is a great start

    Yes your friends are right - You are getting better

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  • Posted

    i would suggest taking medication the same time every day and would advise you not too miss days out as the system will take it that you have stopped and your body would give you redrawal systems 
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  • Posted

    Keeping a journal is always a great idea and thank you for refreshing my mind about it. It is something I fully intend to start tomorrow. My wife is a clinical Psychologist with a particular mastering in PSTD. She has told me to keep a journal of my daily struggles and triumphs while in my 30 mg dose of Citalopram. I keep forgetting. Tomorrow is the day that this changes for sure!! I have found that Citalopram has been working better for me lately after increasing my dose from 10, where I was for just under four months. It wasn’t until I saw a Psychiatrist that he told me that 10 was just a starting dose and the real magic was at 30. I am believing him because it has never been better for me. I am hopeful that this positive trend will continue but I must be vigilant and not forget to dose at the same time each and every day. A journal will be a safeguard in that respect. It can’t hurt and probably help in the long term. Thanks again. Good luck to you and everyone else in this helpful forum. You are all amazing!
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  • Posted

    Thank you for this post. My own existence is I started my course just under a week ago. Not noticing any significant improvement in mood and although it's too soon to properly judge its effects I'm concerned about the anxiety which almost lead me to stepping out in front of a bus last night. So in this respect I am experiencing the feeling worse before I feel better scenario. Pharmacist advised me to notify the city hospital walk-in dept and also report these symptoms to my GP ASAP. He also advised me to avoid taking herbal remedies such as KALMS as a supplementary to Cit as they will their tranquilising effect will ultimately prove counter-productive. Getting desperate though.

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    • Posted

      I'd definitely agree with the pharmacist and suggest speaking again to the GP. I certainly got to rock bottom before I saw an improvement. It was so hard because I'd had enough but my anxiety was sparked by being terrified of death so was a battle between two feelings. I've been on 20mg now for 10 weeks and although I'd convinced myself I'd never get better and it was hopeless, I'm much better than I was and even after down times, can see past them now. Keep posting for support and go and see the GP, they may have something that can help in the meantime. Take care x

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  • Posted

    Day 13 (Monday 2.5.18) 

    Hope you all are doing well. So on Monday I was able to drive myself to work which was a good thing. I started to get my appetite back during lunch time which made me happy. I felt pretty good up until lunch time where I got a little down that I was going through this situation. I'm a teacher so work has been the hardest part during this journey. I also was pretty tired near the end of the day. I have a photography class that I run at my school. After the class I drove home and told myself I'm not going to let anxiety beat me .This is my third time dealing with this so deep down inside I know it will get better; the hard part is when? ... I had been a little anxiety stricken to drive myself to the gym, but I was able to drive myself to the gym and workout which was awesome.  I also slept better than I had in over a week; which was awesome. My feelings of anxiety have been down pretty much. I still have the morning anxiety which is difficult to deal with here and there. Definitely not as bad as it was around the 19th of January when this adventure started again. 

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    • Posted

      Glad you are feeling better and have a positive mindset. I recently started a stress control class through the nhs which although I've only had 1 session I though was brilliant. I know this is a lifelong battle so how we react to our stress anxiety panic and depression is important. Learning how to accept it and recognise it and then teach our minds and bodies to react and cope with it is key to us doing better. That alongside with the meds invoke will make the future a lot easier. I hope you continue feeling stronger day by day.

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    • Posted

      Sounds like some great progress hold onto that because we all know recovery is a slow process with anxiety, but it is happening
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  • Posted

    Day 14 (Tuesday 2.6.18) 

    I was able to sleep relatively well. The morning is probably the toughest part of the day for me. Specifically work days. I have to be at work at 7:40am which i'm usually pretty anxious about. Luckily my spouse works with me so sometimes I can ride with her which gives me the chance to sit down and relax on my way to work. I felt pretty good once I got to work. The hardest part is probably be my mind racing and the intrusive thoughts.I did spend a little time concerned if I'm going to get better.  I know these thoughts are not real, but it's so hard when you're worked up to dismiss them. What i'm finding extremely interesting is that arond 6pm i start to feel as if I'm 100% okay. I"m also able to do a lot of things I couldn't do. I'm a photographer and I was finally able to go and photograph a concert which is something I was a little worried to do. I also ate three full meals which is probably the first time I've done that in a few weeks. Why is it so hard to dismiss thoughts lol ? definitely thoughts that are irrational lol 

     

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