Day 2 of citalpram after 18 month break.

Hi yommymommy,

thanks for for taking the time to reply. I've slept for an hour and woken up boiling again. It's now 6.11am, I am hating this. I just keep thinking, what have I done to deserve this? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I am trying my best and I love them so much. Just got to hang in there I suppose. Thanks again xx

Hi john, I don't want to but my anxiety is even worse than before I took the tablet and I didn't think it could get worse. I have 3 kids who are all on half term from school. So I can't even just lay in bed, not that I couldnt sleep  anyway. Anytime I close my eyes to sleep my brain goes million miles an hour and I wake up in a panic. I can't eat as I panic if I try to eat in case I'm sick. It's like a living hell, 

Give deep breathing A try Hannah. May help

See that scares me. I can't feel this way for 6 months. I really really can't. It's just too much panic and worry and shaking and crying. I can't deal with it at all. My kids don't need to see me like this. It's unfair. I hate this. Thanks for replying. I really hope this feeling doesn't last 6 months, last time I don't remember it being this bad at all. It's just hard living like this.

Hi Hannah

This is my second time on these meds too.  Remember, though it takes time, you won't feel this severe all the way through.  It eases as time moves on.  You know these meds work for you, and they'll help you again.

K x

 

Thanks for your reply Katie. Afternoons I feel a lot better but the past 2 mornings I felt as if I was going completely insane. Only way I can describe it. I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow as I re started these without speaking to him first. See what he says. I wonder if I'm so bad as I started on 20mg and not 10mg. It's for anxiety not depression. I'm annoyed at myself for taking it and not trying just 10mg x

I've always gone straight onto 20mg.  Never built up towards it.  I did find it tougher 2nd time around on these meds (or that may be because I'd forgotten what it had felt like)?  My anxiety went quicker this time, but I had a long spell of feeling completely flat - like a nothingness.  It was annoying, but at least the anxiety had gone.  Having those afternoons when you feel better is often how recovery works - it comes in patches/waves.  For me I'd wake in the mornings and feel wretched and by the afternoon / evening I'd feel better.  This carried on until I began waking in the mornings feeling good too.

Yes I had anxiety too, but it caused me to be depressed too.  

Remember this is an illness, and you need time to recover.  You can't help it and your body is simply doing what it's doing.  The meds will help you again in time.

My children were also little when I was ill the first time around and found it a struggle to start with.  I've cried at the doctors many times and even cried on the cat (poor thing had soggy fur more than once).  This is temporary, and in time you'll be back to being yourself again and able to enjoy being a mommy again.

K xx

Hi again Hannah

when I said six months I meant entirely without any anxiety symptoms at all. The severity of the anxiety lessened each week for six weeks and then I'd have the occasional relapse.

The first few weeks diazapam helped me get a good nights sleep but had morning anxiety for many weeks.

Everyone is different but I'm sure you won't have the severity of anxiety continually ,it should start to ease in a few weeks.Take it one day at a timeX

Dont beat yourself up Hannah your sick your trying to better yourself things will normalise hang in there

That's how it feels Brian. My sister In law has come over 2 days to sit with my kids and mu husband is having to swap work times to collect our eldest up from his club. Just feel like I'm burdening everyone .

That's what you need to do but not feel likes it's a burden Obviously they all care about you and just want you to get better but it takes time.

all the best 

Remember Hannah, if you had flu then people would help out just the same.  You're not burdening anyone - remember you are feeling ill, just the same as if you had flu.  You can't help it.  Treat yourself kindly, accept you're ill for the time being, and know that it will go in time.  You'll get there.

K xx