Day 2 of citalpram after 18 month break.

Posted , 7 users are following.

Hi, I've restarted citalpram. Took 20mg and I felt I could barely cope. So last night I took just 10mg and I'm awake now, it's 4.30am and I feel a bit anxious and hot but not like yesterday. I kept bursting into tears, feeling like I was loosing my mind. Couldn't sit still, and felt as if I was shaking all under my skin. Just feel angry that I'm back here. Hate the first week on these things, make me feel worse than ever, just hoping it helps me again and I can feel more myself. Hate my children seeing me this way. Plus it's the Easter holiday as well. Just having a pity party I guess and feeling like the worst mother.  That's all. Guess I just wanted to rant and rave. Thanks. 

0 likes, 18 replies

Report / Delete

18 Replies

Next
  • Posted

    Hi lovely...you will start to feel better gradually.

    You are were I was a few months ago...second time I have been down this road and it sucks big hairy balls 😂😂

    As you can tell I am starting to feel better now 😊and you will too. Don't worry about the kids they are so resilient...and you are doing the best you can do right now...and that's enough for them x x x

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi yommymommy,

      thanks for for taking the time to reply. I've slept for an hour and woken up boiling again. It's now 6.11am, I am hating this. I just keep thinking, what have I done to deserve this? I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy. I am trying my best and I love them so much. Just got to hang in there I suppose. Thanks again xx

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hanna. Stick with the plan. U will feel better eventually. None of us thought we wud feel this way I'm sure. I know I didnt that's for darn sure. There are lots of ppl in here that have a lot of experience with these meds. I know i'm sure grateful that I found this site because I now know what i'm dealing with and have an Idea about how long It will take for recovery. It may only be a guesstimate but its better than what I had before. So dont give up!!!!
    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi john, I don't want to but my anxiety is even worse than before I took the tablet and I didn't think it could get worse. I have 3 kids who are all on half term from school. So I can't even just lay in bed, not that I couldnt sleep  anyway. Anytime I close my eyes to sleep my brain goes million miles an hour and I wake up in a panic. I can't eat as I panic if I try to eat in case I'm sick. It's like a living hell, 
      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Hannah 

    How well I remember those awful early mornings racked with anxiety, feeling hot pins and needles up my arms and face, shaking ,trembling jelly legs and crying!! I also felt worse taking the tablets than I did before the meds! So this is all sounding familiar and yes it is hideous. I don't know how I dragged myself out of bed to drive my kids to school.

    Fast forward now to about twenty months down the track and I feel fantastic anxiety free and finding joy in life. Never thought I could feel as good again but it took me a good six months to be anxiety free. Also you may eventually find improvement then a blip will occur and you will think you are back to square one.

    Hang on and weather the storm because it is well worth it.Let us know how you get on ,we are all here to help.xx

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      See that scares me. I can't feel this way for 6 months. I really really can't. It's just too much panic and worry and shaking and crying. I can't deal with it at all. My kids don't need to see me like this. It's unfair. I hate this. Thanks for replying. I really hope this feeling doesn't last 6 months, last time I don't remember it being this bad at all. It's just hard living like this.
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi Hannah

      This is my second time on these meds too.  Remember, though it takes time, you won't feel this severe all the way through.  It eases as time moves on.  You know these meds work for you, and they'll help you again.

      K x

       

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Thanks for your reply Katie. Afternoons I feel a lot better but the past 2 mornings I felt as if I was going completely insane. Only way I can describe it. I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow as I re started these without speaking to him first. See what he says. I wonder if I'm so bad as I started on 20mg and not 10mg. It's for anxiety not depression. I'm annoyed at myself for taking it and not trying just 10mg x
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      I've always gone straight onto 20mg.  Never built up towards it.  I did find it tougher 2nd time around on these meds (or that may be because I'd forgotten what it had felt like)?  My anxiety went quicker this time, but I had a long spell of feeling completely flat - like a nothingness.  It was annoying, but at least the anxiety had gone.  Having those afternoons when you feel better is often how recovery works - it comes in patches/waves.  For me I'd wake in the mornings and feel wretched and by the afternoon / evening I'd feel better.  This carried on until I began waking in the mornings feeling good too.

      Yes I had anxiety too, but it caused me to be depressed too.  

      Remember this is an illness, and you need time to recover.  You can't help it and your body is simply doing what it's doing.  The meds will help you again in time.

      My children were also little when I was ill the first time around and found it a struggle to start with.  I've cried at the doctors many times and even cried on the cat (poor thing had soggy fur more than once).  This is temporary, and in time you'll be back to being yourself again and able to enjoy being a mommy again.

      K xx

      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Hi again Hannah

      when I said six months I meant entirely without any anxiety symptoms at all. The severity of the anxiety lessened each week for six weeks and then I'd have the occasional relapse.

      The first few weeks diazapam helped me get a good nights sleep but had morning anxiety for many weeks.

      Everyone is different but I'm sure you won't have the severity of anxiety continually ,it should start to ease in a few weeks.Take it one day at a timeX

      Report / Delete Reply
  • Posted

    Hi Hannah,

    just wanted to to let you know my doctor recommended a very useful book Depressive illness-the curse of the strong by Tim Cantopher. It is very re-assuring to read when you  get the feeling that you are letting everyone down and re-enforces the need to look after yourself just now as well as practical advice. I have had very much the same kind of feelings of  letting everyone down both family and work!

    take care

    Brian

    Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      That's how it feels Brian. My sister In law has come over 2 days to sit with my kids and mu husband is having to swap work times to collect our eldest up from his club. Just feel like I'm burdening everyone .
      Report / Delete Reply
    • Posted

      Remember Hannah, if you had flu then people would help out just the same.  You're not burdening anyone - remember you are feeling ill, just the same as if you had flu.  You can't help it.  Treat yourself kindly, accept you're ill for the time being, and know that it will go in time.  You'll get there.

      K xx

       

      Report / Delete Reply

Join this discussion or start a new one?

New discussion Reply

Report or request deletion

Thanks for your help!

We want the forums to be a useful resource for our users but it is important to remember that the forums are not moderated or reviewed by doctors and so you should not rely on opinions or advice given by other users in respect of any healthcare matters. Always speak to your doctor before acting and in cases of emergency seek appropriate medical assistance immediately. Use of the forums is subject to our Terms of Use and Privacy Policy and steps will be taken to remove posts identified as being in breach of those terms.

newnav-down newnav-up