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Hi. My situation is a little strange, and I want to preface this that I have schizoaffective disorder, and so I have very heightened paranoia. I am 23 and I met a girl, got to trust her and then we talked about having a friends with benefits relationship. She is 22. Well, about 55 days ago, I had sex with her with a condom on, and I was a virgin before this. Since she knew I was a virgin, and she was completely confident in her own status, repeating over and over that she was clean and on birth control, and that she had been tested months back for every STD and was negative for everything, and that she hadn’t had sex in 9 months. I kept resisting, and then she took the condom off herself and, in the dark, maneuvered herself onto me. I didn’t realize what was happening, and it was a big breach in my trust, and I instantly started worrying, which messed everything up. Still, I tried to power through the worry, but I was so nervous that I couldn’t, and had to stop the session short. She kept on saying “but I swear I’m 100% clean.” I was tested for the four major stds, and then at 45 days I was tested for HIV (having no symptoms), and the test came back negative. I have learned from the whole experience that I need real intimacy.
I am now have a girlfriend, and I have told her that I’d like to get to know intimately before having sex. However, I’m reading online that you have to wait six months to be cleared for HIV. Something tells me that me and my girlfriend are not going to be able to wait another four months before my six month mark is up, and she would think it rather odd. We definitely could make it to the three month mark. She had a hysterectomy and it wouldn’t make sense to her if I wore a condom— I would have to tell her, if there was any need to. I talked to my primary care doctor and she said she my schizo paranoia was getting in the way, but she couldn’t give me the okay to have unprotected sex, and that she would give me the three month and six month tests if I wanted. However, an urgent care doctor said I would be fine waiting three months. I feel like if I told my girlfriend the story of my one night stand that she would break up with me, but I want to do whatever is fair for her, even if she did break up with me. But I know deep down that I am probably worrying about nothing. I have talked to the girl I slept with afterwards and she keeps telling me I’m paranoid, that she has been tested. But then I start thinking crazy things like... “Oh but the one night stand girl got a tattoo... Or what if she didn’t wait six months after having sex with the last person?” She was not a druggy, but a nice girl, a Christian.
Is waiting to the three month stage enough? Would someone please help explain how all this works to me?
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