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Depressed about diagnosis

Posted , 4 users are following.

malcolm77951
malcolm77951

found out I have it through testing after an extremely drunken one night stand. I’m freaking out because every time I want to meet someone out or talk to a girl and go home with her and try to start a relationship I’m going to have to stop before any intercourse because I’m terrified I’ll give it to them, and that my friends will find out and everyone will know I have it. I’ve only told one person in my family and I can’t tell anyone else because of the terrible connotations around having the virus. I feel filthy and considering I’m single, the future looks extremely dim in actually starting and having a normal relationship and life and eventually family because of this. I feel There’s no point in me talking to women anymore because I can’t become intimate with them. And yes the internet says condoms and stuff help but there’s so much risk it doesn’t seem worth the chance of infecting someone else. It’s just like what the f**k, one drunken night f****d my whole life up. And it sucks. Not a good outlook on life right now, the extremely outgoing and personable person I was, just wants to stay in and not infect anyone. Everyone will wonder why I’m not going to talk to that girl, or what happened why did you guys break up etc and I just can’t have that reputation as the only guy amongst my large group of friends that has hsv 2

0 likes, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • tee1710
    tee1710 malcolm77951

    Posted

    I feel exactly the same. One drunken night and now I’m no longer the fun girl who can date. I literally just think well whats the point no one is gonna want to stick around once I tell them so that’s that. The only positive thing I can say to you is please feel you can tell your friends. I found out yesterday and my best friends have been amazing... I know it feels different for guys but they may surprise you and be supportive. 
  • Guest
    Guest malcolm77951

    Posted

    Hey,

    I don’t recommend telling your friends just yet. This is the first phase where you’ll feel alone and need people to confide it but heading to forums can help. It’s hard to know who to trust with it because you don’t want them using it against you at any point. My ex confided In me and I couldn’t even tell me family members bc I knew they’d force me to break it off from her & look at her differently. 

    You do not need to tell a girl unless you’re serious and she also has shown intent to be in a relationship with you. No need to tell any and everyone when there isn’t even a build up. I will say , never assume HSV isn’t a big deal after doing research; it real isn’t that big of a deal but you must respect your partner but letting them know early.

    I really hope you find comfort and feel better sooner than later. It’s harder when you’re single and no partner to turn to.

    • malcolm77951
      malcolm77951 Guest

      Posted

      I agree I’m not going to tell anyone. But how can I even figure out if I’m going to be in relationship with a girl if we can’t even have sex, I’m used to starting relationships based on physical attraction and they’d find me very strange if I keep pushing them off of me. 

      Like if I were to go home with a girl, I couldn’t sleep with her even with a condom and not risk transmission correct? And oral sex is obviously out of the question I assume. 

      I really don’t know how to go about this. 

    • malcolm77951
      malcolm77951

      Posted

      Also before having sex with someone I’d have to tell her I have it Incase I risk giving it to her, but I can’t tell anyone because word gets around so quickly. So basically I can’t have sex with anyone unless I find some sort of angel that’s ok hanging out with me for months without sex until ive Established enough of a relationship with her to trust her to tell her I have it, and her not relay the news?  
  • sofia1992
    sofia1992 malcolm77951

    Posted

    What I can recommend is before any sexual interaction. First ask them if they have been tested recently and if they haven’t let them know that you’d feel a lot safer if they can do that. But preferably have them get tested by blood work. I know that asking this of them can be awkward and a lot but also explain you’re just trying to be safe here and if they do get tested then from there you can figure out or next step. Plus who knows they may even have it and not know it. Most people that have it don’t even know they have it. Like me for example I just recently got diagnosed too and I thought it was just a yeast infection. 
    • malcolm77951
      malcolm77951 sofia1992

      Posted

      Sorry to hear you got it Sofia. It’s a bummer for sure. 

      Still doesn’t solve the most basic dilemma. 

      -I can’t tell anyone I have it

      -to potentially have sex, you have to tell them you have it

      -ergo no sex. 

    • sofia1992
      sofia1992 malcolm77951

      Posted

      That’s very true but you can also just ask them to get tested and if they are okay with doing so then you’ll know that the person is also trying to be safe. If not if you feel you can trust the person then why not tell them Im sure they can then decide if they will follow through with sleeping with you or not. But there is dating websites for people who already have HSV2 to prevent further transmissions to uninfected individuals. But of course it does come with a fee for those. 
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