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Depressed.... again

Posted , 7 users are following.

oliver1994
oliver1994

Hi, my name is Oliver, a few months ago i was in a dark place. I closed myself off from everyone and was on the edge of suicide. The only thing i wanted was not to be hear anymore. I could have taken some 'Happy' pills but i am not a believer in drugs and think that route is a never ending cycle. Cut a long story short i somehow hot over it and was on top of the world and was happy in life. Unfortunatily it didnt last and around two weeks ago i fel the depression comming back into my mind.

I am finding it alot easy not to open up to people but to write my feelings down this time thanks to previous experiance.

The feeling of worthlesssnes has got to be the worst for me, the feeling of 'if im not here no one would give a sh*t.' yh thats the worst. Getting up every single day and batteling with my mind untill the second i go to sleep. My boss sometimes looks at me asif there is something wrong with me asif i have a problem, a desise.

Evan when i was happy there was still something there, something trying to bring me down but i fought it off and came out on top every time. But now its different, very different.

I hope to hear from somebody on this ite just for a talk atleast. thank you for reading.

1 like, 7 replies

7 Replies

  • derek86752
    derek86752 oliver1994

    Posted

    Try praying I was a bit like this but reading the bible and understanding a little bit more about God helped me.

    Trying keep strong I hope you come ont of your depression soon, but at least you can feel when it's going to take place, which is a good.

  • emz2169
    emz2169 oliver1994

    Posted

    I'm so sorry your feeling this way. I completely understand what it's like, I am on anti-depressants (I too am not too keen on tablets but I'm willing to try anything) and have come in and out of depression a few times over the years. I have stresses at work, I get taken for a mug and get taken advantage of by colleages and bosses because I'm 'too nice' as I've been told. My home life is stressful too. I often have times when I feel completely and utterly worthless and I feel like if I died would anyone really care and have thought about suicide. I take a breather and try to think of anything positive. I also have some words painted on my bedroom wall opposite my bed saying 'Each morning we are born again. It's what we do today that matters most" It's a quote from Buddah and it honestly gets me through each day when I read it every morning. I know I just need to take it one day at a time and hope that things will get better. I know they do and if you've come out of depression once already theres hope that you will once again find a way to be happy. Stay strong! 
    • oliver1994
      oliver1994 emz2169

      Posted

      Hi Em. Really sorry for not replying. I couldn't rember my password (as always) thank you so much for your reply. I totally get you and I'm sorry to hear about that. Never nice when the problems go from home to work. The depression has left me for like a day since it really is unbearable at the moment. Thoughts that I just want to go away never do rolleyes
  • hypercat
    hypercat oliver1994

    Posted

    Hi many people with depression come out of it on their own depending on how severe it is and personality factors.  Others can't and need treatment ie meds and/or counselling.  

    The view of them as 'happy pill'  is a bit misleading.  Nowadays they are often used short term to enable you to feel better about yourself and more able to deal with your problems.    The ad's now are nothing like the old ones like valium and librium which were very addictive and had nasty side effects.  The newer ones like prozac,  sertraline etc.  are a lot less addictive and less likely to have severe side effects.  x

  • Slowly_dieing
    Slowly_dieing oliver1994

    Posted

    Have you thought of trying some natural remidies maybe if you don't want to take tablets?

    Exercise and meditation are also really good ways to help or so I am told.

    I get the "happy" bit to the outside world I'm this big bubbly person but to my other half, the only person in the world who really knows me...including my parents who although know what is going on i don't show them what i show her to her i'm a moody so and so who has ups and downs but she trys to help my making me do things and keeping my brain busy like going for walks and doing active hobbies or even just laying in the bath to relax away from everyone. 

    • Slowly_dieing
      Slowly_dieing

      Posted

      Also I have found being on here writing things down and talking to a professional really helpful!

      Don't talk to other women/men tho as that just lands you in all sorts of trouble so if you want to talk/write things down try a professional if not your partner....if you can't talk to your partner face to face try writing a good old fashioned letter as it means she has to read and can't imiediantly reply like she can with texts etc which will give you both time to let things sink in as it were! I have found this fantastic and have now almost got them to be like "love letters" where I tell her exactly how I feel, how she makes me feel and I can be open and honest about things.

      She actually enjoys receiving them in the post! :-) It's brought a whole new dimension to our relationship!

       

  • michael98615
    michael98615 oliver1994

    Posted

    sad to see someone else is suffering cos of others, if i cud add my 2pence worth, i wud say ahem cough cough to ur boss, if your working well, he should display grattitude, if not, and he's frustrated, maybe you shoud'nt be working there, i'l let u in on something, i was told, that most depressd ppl, feel worthless an everythin they do incapable,( im good at every thing i'm capable of an work on these things, as they are positives ) an me myself, i totally love myself an hav great confidence in what i do, untill stopped bvy obstacles ( usually put in place via the system ) my problem is i cant liv in this modern changing world, an got so much traumatic past events sad i must say, only being recently prescribed some diffrent meds an they appear to working well smile )
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