Depressed and confused

Posted , 7 users are following.

Idk how or where to start but here i go... From when i was a little girl i felt like i didnt fit in. I had really big feet, really skinny, i have a birthmark thats all over my body. Growing up i was always teased by those things so my self esteem got shot down from early. At the same time while going through that in school i was also going through a lot at home. My parents was always fighting * dad constantly cheating on mom * he use go always bring me and my brothers and I around his women and then would make us lie to our mother. So that really took a toll on me as well being so young and the only girl. So my trust got shot down from early as well. But as i grew up me and my brothers argued a lot. My older brother was never there for me or did brotherly things as an older brother should have done. I felt so alone and unwanted. Being teased growing up I ended up turning into a very shy and quiet girl i grew social anxiety. I shut down and closed completely. Never expressed my feelings to anybody and grew up with so much hatered in my heart that it hurts me so badly till this day i am 20 years old now. It has ruined a lot of relationships in my life * friendship, family and boys *. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20 years of living and i feel like it just keeps going down hill rather then up. I had a major break down a year ago and flipped out on my brother's wife and fought her. Later on in that same day i got admited into the hospital because of my melt down. Everybody on my block seen me get embrassed into an ambulance. Since that day a year later it has bothered me. When i went in i as diagnosed with being bi-polar. I refused to believe them they were giving me pills but i wouldnt take them because i was afraid to be labeled. A year later now and nothing has gotten better. I quit my job and dropped out of school due to my anxeity and mood swings, ive stopped talking to my friends nothing personal to them. I just feel really embrassed about what my life has come to. What should i do ????????????

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7 Replies

  • Posted

    I'm no good at advice, but I'm also suffering from depression as well and would like to offer some support. When you say that you've made a lot of mistakes and feel like it's just going downhill rather than up, I know exactly how you feel. I feel that way every day. It's awful. If I could offer some advice on how to get out of it, I absolutely would. Unfortunately, all I can do is offer my support and say you are not alone =\
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    • Posted

      Thank you appreciate the support that you can offer . I send my support as well. If you dont mind me asking but how long have you been in your depression and what caused it and have you ever take any medication to help you?
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    • Posted

      You are very welcome and thank you for your support smile I have had chronic back pain for a little over a year now and it just keeps getting worse. But no I haven't tried any medications to help. This is really the first time I've ever talked to anyone about it.
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  • Posted

    Hi Brittney,

    You shouldn't be afraid of being labeled anything. Maybe the medication can help regulate your mood so that you can start to feel happy again!

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    • Posted

      Your right i shouldnt be afraid but its hard in this society today everyone is just so cruel and nonunderstanding about things like this that are really happening in the world. And the community i come from its things like this that are made fun of. Have you ever been through any of these things?
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    • Posted

      Not me personally but there are many people who have been through these things. But you have to think about yourself first, not what people around you think. I think by posting here you are showing that you really want to change!
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  • Posted

    Hi Brittney,

    Sorry to hear that you are in a bad place at the moment and carrying lots of emotional pain. I think everyone has emotional baggage that they carry but it doesn't have to dictate the rest of your life. Please don't get upset about the label of BP. I have a couple of friends with BP (I have chronic depression myself) and they are managing the condition very well with medication and therapy. This is not something you have chosen but you can choose the direction your life takes from this point forward. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I hope if you can get some support and the right medication, it will get a whole lot easier. If you live in a close-knit community where everyone knows everyone else's business then be careful what you say to people. If you can gradually get into the habit of having a confident exterior, it can influence how you feel inwardly about yourself too. From what you have written, anyone reading can tell you are a thoughtful and sensitive young lady. Don't give up on yourself. Good luck with seeking help from your health professional.

    Hugs. Digsby xx

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