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Idk how or where to start but here i go... From when i was a little girl i felt like i didnt fit in. I had really big feet, really skinny, i have a birthmark thats all over my body. Growing up i was always teased by those things so my self esteem got shot down from early. At the same time while going through that in school i was also going through a lot at home. My parents was always fighting * dad constantly cheating on mom * he use go always bring me and my brothers and I around his women and then would make us lie to our mother. So that really took a toll on me as well being so young and the only girl. So my trust got shot down from early as well. But as i grew up me and my brothers argued a lot. My older brother was never there for me or did brotherly things as an older brother should have done. I felt so alone and unwanted. Being teased growing up I ended up turning into a very shy and quiet girl i grew social anxiety. I shut down and closed completely. Never expressed my feelings to anybody and grew up with so much hatered in my heart that it hurts me so badly till this day i am 20 years old now. It has ruined a lot of relationships in my life * friendship, family and boys *. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20 years of living and i feel like it just keeps going down hill rather then up. I had a major break down a year ago and flipped out on my brother's wife and fought her. Later on in that same day i got admited into the hospital because of my melt down. Everybody on my block seen me get embrassed into an ambulance. Since that day a year later it has bothered me. When i went in i as diagnosed with being bi-polar. I refused to believe them they were giving me pills but i wouldnt take them because i was afraid to be labeled. A year later now and nothing has gotten better. I quit my job and dropped out of school due to my anxeity and mood swings, ive stopped talking to my friends nothing personal to them. I just feel really embrassed about what my life has come to. What should i do ????????????
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