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Idk how or where to start but here i go... From when i was a little girl i felt like i didnt fit in. I had really big feet, really skinny, i have a birthmark thats all over my body. Growing up i was always teased by those things so my self esteem got shot down from early. At the same time while going through that in school i was also going through a lot at home. My parents was always fighting * dad constantly cheating on mom * he use go always bring me and my brothers and I around his women and then would make us lie to our mother. So that really took a toll on me as well being so young and the only girl. So my trust got shot down from early as well. But as i grew up me and my brothers argued a lot. My older brother was never there for me or did brotherly things as an older brother should have done. I felt so alone and unwanted. Being teased growing up I ended up turning into a very shy and quiet girl i grew social anxiety. I shut down and closed completely. Never expressed my feelings to anybody and grew up with so much hatered in my heart that it hurts me so badly till this day i am 20 years old now. It has ruined a lot of relationships in my life * friendship, family and boys *. I made a lot of mistakes in my 20 years of living and i feel like it just keeps going down hill rather then up. I had a major break down a year ago and flipped out on my brother's wife and fought her. Later on in that same day i got admited into the hospital because of my melt down. Everybody on my block seen me get embrassed into an ambulance. Since that day a year later it has bothered me. When i went in i as diagnosed with being bi-polar. I refused to believe them they were giving me pills but i wouldnt take them because i was afraid to be labeled. A year later now and nothing has gotten better. I quit my job and dropped out of school due to my anxeity and mood swings, ive stopped talking to my friends nothing personal to them. I just feel really embrassed about what my life has come to. What should i do ????????????
2 likes, 7 replies
Taylor.Marie Brittney20
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Brittney20 Taylor.Marie
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Taylor.Marie Brittney20
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julian33896 Brittney20
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You shouldn't be afraid of being labeled anything. Maybe the medication can help regulate your mood so that you can start to feel happy again!
Brittney20 julian33896
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julian33896 Brittney20
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Digsby Brittney20
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Sorry to hear that you are in a bad place at the moment and carrying lots of emotional pain. I think everyone has emotional baggage that they carry but it doesn't have to dictate the rest of your life. Please don't get upset about the label of BP. I have a couple of friends with BP (I have chronic depression myself) and they are managing the condition very well with medication and therapy. This is not something you have chosen but you can choose the direction your life takes from this point forward. I'm not saying it will be easy, but I hope if you can get some support and the right medication, it will get a whole lot easier. If you live in a close-knit community where everyone knows everyone else's business then be careful what you say to people. If you can gradually get into the habit of having a confident exterior, it can influence how you feel inwardly about yourself too. From what you have written, anyone reading can tell you are a thoughtful and sensitive young lady. Don't give up on yourself. Good luck with seeking help from your health professional.
Hugs. Digsby xx
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