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depressed and confused

Posted , 3 users are following.

Elephant_e
Elephant_e

So I really need an answer to this. When I was younger about 9 I used to have a suicide obsession. I used to go around the house sticking my fingers in electric sockets even though I didn't want to and I would feel frightened and cry bcs of it. I would also drop something like a small toy down the plug and cry seconds after doing it. I also went threw a phase where I didn't want to hear any noise at night so I'd cover my ears which was really uncomfortable and whenever I'd go outside in my neighbourhood I'd also cover my ears. I also have the tendency to say something and regret it straight after and keep doing it anyway. Please can someone tell me what this all means?

0 likes, 6 replies

6 Replies

  • Purpledobermann
    Purpledobermann Elephant_e

    Posted

    Nobody can really tell you what it means until you make an effort to map out possible reasons behind this. Children that age do not randomly go around sticking fingers into sockets etc. unless something is disturbing them. So have you taken any steps to try to understand why you have been do much on edge since the age of 9? And how old are you now?
    • Elephant_e
      Elephant_e Purpledobermann

      Posted

      I'm 19 and I'm aware it wasn't normal smile but no I'm not sure what set if off although I did get anxious over small things at times. An example of this is at night if a dog barked once I'd normally cry. Nowadays im quite angry at times and say hurtful things but I also love to help and make a difference. It's confusing 

  • Purpledobermann
    Purpledobermann Elephant_e

    Posted

    Brainstorming: Any abuse, A loud parent/sibling, tension in family relations, major life changes in early life (death in family, accidents, natural disasters, divorces, birth of a sibling), being neglected, being too controlled/restricted and talked AT...too much exposure to harsh reality of life at a tender age: e.g. too much TV, watching news, age-inappropriate content. Any health conditions? Time in hospital? Any medication?
    • Purpledobermann
      Purpledobermann

      Posted

      Anything you can think of. Anything you may think is not a big deal. Invariably there is something there.

      I mean, if it was just the noise issue, we could assume some form of hypersensitivity/hyperacousia. But this is not your only symptom. You have power/powerlessness issues and tend toward the darker edge so I would really make an effort to note down ANYTHING you can remember that may have disturbed you over the course of your childhood.

      Have you ever spoken about this to others? Parents/teachers/ doctor?

  • Purpledobermann
    Purpledobermann Elephant_e

    Posted

    Another possibility is some form of developmental hiccup, where your reactivity was a bit off and you had (like kids do anyway) contradictory neural responses firing almost instantaneously. However, I am not convinced it can just come out of the blue in the shape you describe. There would be other signs in case of a developmental glitch. The last issue you describe has to do with impulse control and is likely to improve if you consciously apply to resolving to not saying or doing things that you know you will regret later. Especially if such things hurt you or someone else. In your case then you will have to interfere with the impulse and impose conscious inhibition for your own comfort and feeling more in control of your emotions. If there is something bothering you - explore it. See why you have the impulse in the first place. So, again, back to above trigger brainstorm. smile

    Interesting choice of nickname. You know that an Elephant never forgets...? smile

    • Elephant_e
      Elephant_e Purpledobermann

      Posted

      I did have conduct issues as a kid at one point and I was scared because all these kids were saying there parents where coming to get me which really upset me. This was to a point where a helicopter flying over the house equaled there coming to get me. I had childhood epilepsy for about 4 years one really bad one where I was taken to hospital bus id stopped breathing. But apart from that I had a pretty good upbringing although I was very sensitive as a kid.
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