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Depressed and don't know what to do...

Posted , 4 users are following.

Chappers20
Chappers20

Hey there,

To be honest I'm mostly having a bad day, the worst one for a while, and am just looking for support. I've had depression and low self esteem for a long time, and am having a rubbish day for no real reason.

I constantly have days (mostly moirnings) where I'm struggling to get anything done because I can't think clearly. And today I feel awful because for the last hour I haven't been able to do anything so am essentially being paid for nothing (I currently work from home). I don't have time to go to the doctors soon to get help as I have to attend events tomorrow and Friday, and am abroad for a work trip all next week which I can't get out of.

I quit a job of four years last November because I'd grown to hate it and it was making me miserable (I had enjoyed it before, loads). Then I made a crazy move to Germany for a new job in January - which was an exciting opportunity and a change was what I thought was needed. It didn't work out and I left at the end of April, and quickly found this new job. But now I feel like I can't really take the pressure anymore and everything is a struggle. Nothing's really panning out for me, even though the new job seems happy with me so far. I think I just hate myself really... which is frustrating to type.

I don't really know what to do. :-/ I just know that mentally, today is extremely tough and I've been sat here crying this morning. Does anyone had some advice on getting through work while depressed?

Sorry, just needed to air some stuff out.

2 likes, 6 replies

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  • laura11452
    laura11452 Chappers20

    Posted

    Hi chappers

    It sounds like you put a lot of pressure on yourself and if you don't meet your own expectations your self talk can be very negative.  From what you are saying you are doing well in your career as you get to travel, work from home etc etc..

    Self hate can come from depression it is part of the symptoms or it is coming from the fact your not feeling good enough in yourself..

    You have stated you cannot get ot the doctor as yet due to work commitments.  But i would suggest you do when you get an opportunity.

    If the pressure of this job you are doing was taken away do you think it would help your mood?

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    • Chappers20
      Chappers20 laura11452

      Posted

      Hi Laura, thank you for your reply! :o) Yes I am quite negative and find I'm very dismissive of any 'achievements'. I never really feel good enough for much of anything. And as far as work goes, I always think I'm going to get found out that I'm not good enough.

      I've been reluctant to see my doctor as early last year I had some therapy sessions, and a few sessions in the woman there notified me she was leaving the NHS and tried speeding things up with seemingly experimental techniques which were just embarrassing (Such as waving an arm in my face while I think about my past?). I didn't want to go to someone else after that experience and also have to start the process over again.

      I'm not really sure if leaving my job will definitely improve my mood. I'm kinda pressured into a new flat being available for me to move into at the start of August, so leaving a job or being fired wouldn't really help with that (I currently live with parents since moving back to the UK from Germany).

      I just feel I need a proper break, but don't know how long that would be, and it would probably harm my career in this particular industry to leave 3 jobs in the space of a year. :-/

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    • laura11452
      laura11452 Chappers20

      Posted

      Yes I can see where being asked to wave your arm around would seen senseless.  What about counselling it is talking not silly experiments?

      Don't give up on the system as you said this women was leaving and giave you a rushed approach.  it is not always like that you just got a bit of bad luck.

      Also you can request CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) it helps with the negative thinking.

      If leaving your job is not going to help then it sounds like you need a confidence boost due to leaving a couple of jobs and moving in with your parents.  Not all jobs suit are personality and there is nothing wrong with recognising that and moving on.  You obvioulsy are independent in that you stood on your own two feet in Germany. You work from home and it sounds like your doing well.  I think you just don't believe in yourself enough and worry about other people judging you.

      i would write a list of what you have achieved instead of focusing on the negatives.  Make an oppointment with your doctor and don't dwell on the last expereince.  Give yourself a pat on the back for what you have achieved and see the other things like moving jobs and moving home as a must for your life to make certain changes for the future.

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  • sarah56507
    sarah56507 Chappers20

    Posted

    It has happened to me a lot feeling like crying at work and having to hide it. In my case it helps to start thinking what it would be like if I lost that job, how it would feel. Everything else in my life would be a disaster if that happened.  So I keep going, pay close attention to what I'm doing, try to live the moment and take pleasure from it. But some days it can be so bad that all I think is to ask to go home earlier. In your case as you seem to work from home, I guess there's a good side to it because nobody is watching you as you feel that. Courage!!!
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    • Chappers20
      Chappers20 sarah56507

      Posted

      Hi Sarah, thanks for the reponse! :o) Yeah in some ways I think I'd feel terrible if I left my job, but on the other hand I'm just finding the pressure a bit too much right now when I'm feeling this down about things, and feel like I need a break from it all. Though I don't know how long that would be and if it would really fix anything.

      Right now I just feel like I'm letting everyone down and feel guilty for letting my state of mind affect my work and life.

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  • laura08496
    laura08496 Chappers20

    Posted

    dear chappers,

    i'm afraid i dont have any advice that could make you feel better. i'm sorry. if its any consolation (not sure of the spelling on that one), i am in a very bad spot since yesterday evening. i recieved some news about my health that's put me in shock. and my misery level is climbing. and i never know what to do when my thoughts are this grim. 

    i have to pick up my dad from the grocery store, cook, and have lunch with him. so, i need to "act" fine for a few hours...my depression gets worse when i am acting. it's so hard. now i'm gonna have double depression when i get back to my place, and be myself. unless the phone rings. then, again my acting skills are required once more. i wish so much to be left alone, for one day even. but thats not happening. and as i reread this, it has nothing to do with your troubles. i am sorry. its just that you working from home reminded me of when i was capable to do the same. i cant ever work again because of shock treatments. i thrived when i worked by myself.dont get me wrong, i had bad days back then. but i got through it much easier. just working by myself. i hope you feel better soon. i am impressed that you travel to other countrys to work. you are a brave man that sounds like he can do anything. you are a great man with a good head on his shoulders. i think its a good idea for reaching out for help. you'll be okay. just gotta grit your teeth and get through it. you'll feel better soon, i hope. good luck to you. and thanks for reading my story     >^..^

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